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I think we can be friends. But looking for a little advice on how to handle the situation since I've never dealt with it before. I also want to make sure I'm going in a realistic direction.
My boyfriend had a heart transplant 5 years ago. In his own words he says he lives "day by day". Sex is great, everything else is great, and if he was to die tomorrow, he will die a happy man, I'm sure.
I don't discriminate medical issues as people didn't ask to be in these situations in the first place. My advice to you is to learn all you can about his condition so you're well prepared when a "situation" happens. Enjoy what you currently have and leave the rest to the upper authorities.
I met someone that is amazing and we have a lot in common.
He is very patience, funny and humble. We have fun together and he is very accepting of my physical limitations.
He told me a week ago that he has a illness that I've never heard of before. I kind of blew it off as a minor issue. When I looked it up online, it said this illness is life threatening and the average life expectancy is age 37. Well , he is 32.
I'm very confused if I should continue to seek a long term relationship (that's what he is looking for) or just a friendship. The illness is not a case of if but when. I'm very sad about the possibility of knowing that this will take his life but I also feel selfish about thinking about my own emotional needs.
Should I continue to see him? What should my mindset be about dating him? I know it has taught me more compassion and he makes me want to be a better person.
This is a tough one...my second husband came to me with a bad heart; he was only 40. I knew he always had nitroglycerine nearby but was very naieve as to why. We fell in love..big time. He was everything I wanted and more. He was bright, funny and loving. He adored my son and wanted badly to have a committed life with us. He also had 3 children who were in and out of his life; I was willing to take them on as well and did for a time. Life was good for me. We married in September of 1991 and the following June 1992, he had a major heart attack and by November of 1992 he had passed away. My life was shattered and I was not functioning properly for over a year..just existing. As time went on, I recall some of the things he had said to me like "You do know I have a bad ticker"..."You do know that I am not well"..."All I want is some time to love you and be your husband"...all of this came flooding back to me and I realized that perhaps we were "given" to each other for a short time because HE DESERVED to be happy. While in the hospital he did say to me, "If this doesn't go as we want it to, I expect you to get on with your life"....that slayed me.
Now? It took over 6 years for me to get back in the game but I am married again to a wonderful man who does take good care of me and loves me as I am..he is everything my late husband would have wanted for me and more.
Think about a serious relationship with this man and know it can happen but you are going to have to be strong and understand he could have just a short while to be in love with you and that can be ok...Good Luck!
Are you willing and able to be this person's nurse and health care worker, possibly for years? That's a big question and it's not a job everyone is capable of doing. Think hard.
Then there's the legal aspects of the decision to marry. You would be responsible for his medical bills. Perhaps millions of dollars. Make sure you get real expert advice about this issue.
When most people marry, we have the knowledge that sometime in the distant future one of us will have to cope with the illness/death of our partner. But hopefully, we will have a lot of good years before we have to deal with end of life issues. It sounds like you won't have many 'good' years. Is this the relationship you want?
I spent a lot of years caring for sick and dying relatives. It was terrible watching the person you love ruined by time and disease. Plus, those were all lost years of my life when I did nothing but work and care for them. It was hard on me mentally and physically. I worked all night and spent my days at therapies and Dr. appointments. Then there was the actual care and cooking, cleaning, and maintaining the house as well. Could you do this for years? It may be the right thing to do but believe me, it's tough. How will you handle it when he is so bad you can't get to the grocery store or the pharmacy?
You need to KNOW up front, it won't be any kind of romantic fantasy. You will be suctioning out his lungs regularly. His illness will shape your relationship. He will be a responsibility, not really a partner or a lover.
It's a tough situation. Make the right decision for you.
If you love him, go for it.
No one knows how much time they have with another person.
My friend was healthy as a horse (as far as we knew), was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and dead in 3 months.
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