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You were right to voice your concerns. You can ask for a day with her family without the ex, so you can focus on getting to know them, and they you. Ex and kids were a distraction from that goal, I'm a little surprised the ex was included. On the other hand, including the ex gave you a view of how she, the kids and the ex all function as a (broken) family. It's good they get along, that's important for the kids.
I don't think you over-reacted to let her know how you felt. I also don't think family occasions with the ex should be a regular thing, out of consideration for you. Really, that's a bit much, she should have seen that coming. On the other hand, I don't think you should let the fact that she gets along with him bother you. YOU are the one she's with now. Remember, they got divorced for a reason. It's fair to continue discussing this until some kind of satisfactory policy is reached regarding including (or excluding) the ex in family gatherings. The fact needs to be acknowledged by her and her family that YOU are the SO now, and you have feelings. If her family wants to see the ex, they can do that on separate occasions.
It looks like maybe they're used to these gatherings, it's become somewhat of a tradition, and they need time to adjust to the new reality; that she has a new guy now, and he needs to be thoughtfully accomodated. A new tradition needs to be worked out, the relationship with the ex needs to take a back seat now. This is not unreasonable. Be patient, continue to discuss this calmly.
edit: I couldn't disagree more that "it's unnatural to raise another man's kids". The relationship with the kids seems to be going smoothly, why rock the boat, people? The OP hasn't said anything about wanting a child with this woman. For all we know, he may have a child with his own ex, and maybe he's done with having kids.
seriously.. what is up with men who know full well that a woman has a slew of kids already and STILL get emotionally attached to them? its unnatural to be raising another man's kids which is the road this guy is gona be taking soon if he keeps this going. 3 kids. you think she'll want another..? if yes, thats 4 mouths to feed, only one of which is yours. if no, you're stuck raising 3 kids who will never call u respect you as their dad seeing as how their dad is apparently a 'great guy'.. you'll basically be putting up with their crap for years and years until they go to college.
she's not perfect. go find yourself a nice 20-something year old with low miles and a ripe, non hollowed out uterus.
Im not being judgmental here, and OP will do as he pleases but its more likely than not, that this exact type of woman wouldnt give him time of the day, when she was making babies with the deadbeats. There are more than 3 billion women on this planet, plenty of fish in the sea.
seriously.. what is up with men who know full well that a woman has a slew of kids already and STILL get emotionally attached to them? its unnatural to be raising another man's kids which is the road this guy is gona be taking soon if he keeps this going. 3 kids. you think she'll want another..? if yes, thats 4 mouths to feed, only one of which is yours. if no, you're stuck raising 3 kids who will never call u respect you as their dad seeing as how their dad is apparently a 'great guy'.. you'll basically be putting up with their crap for years and years until they go to college.
she's not perfect. go find yourself a nice 20-something year old with low miles and a ripe, non hollowed out uterus.
It's thinking like this that puts us back in the 1600's, if it isn't for you then don't do it but don't preach bulls**t, I've raised 5 children, 2 were mine and 3 were hers before we married, now we have 5 children together, the last thing I'll say about your comment is that any male can be a father but only a real man can be a Dad
seriously.. what is up with men who know full well that a woman has a slew of kids already and STILL get emotionally attached to them? its unnatural to be raising another man's kids which is the road this guy is gona be taking soon if he keeps this going. 3 kids. you think she'll want another..? if yes, thats 4 mouths to feed, only one of which is yours. if no, you're stuck raising 3 kids who will never call u respect you as their dad seeing as how their dad is apparently a 'great guy'.. you'll basically be putting up with their crap for years and years until they go to college.
she's not perfect. go find yourself a nice 20-something year old with low miles and a ripe, non hollowed out uterus.
How shallow and disgusting.
Thank goodness there are real men in this world who know what true love is and who have enough depth to them to be able to love "another man's kid".
Some here would have been damn lucky to have had a step-dad rather than the deadbeat lowlife sperm donors they got.
Im not being judgmental here, and OP will do as he pleases but its more likely than not, that this exact type of woman wouldnt give him time of the day, when she was making babies with the deadbeats. There are more than 3 billion women on this planet, plenty of fish in the sea.
Wow, expect and Ascension, you two sure are smug, assuming that your life will always go the way YOU planned it. I certainly hope you don't turn out to be the "deadbeat" who has children then ends up divorced.
The OP made NO such judgmental statements about his GF or her kids. He obviously has more experience with women than you, since you judge them by the state of their uterus.
OP, your feelings are natural. I think it was a poor choice by your GF to have the ex/dad present the first time you meet her family.
But I can tell you that these situations can and do work out. One side of my family was a friendly bunch of half-, in-laws and step-relatives. My grandmother, who usually hosted the family gatherings, set the tone by welcoming everyone. I think that you should continue your mature approach. Remember that the ex is the children's father and plays a hugely important role to them, while you are their mom's choice.
I'll try to keep this direct and to the point. We are both 36 yrs old and divorced. She has 3 kids between 4-8 and I have none. We have been dating for about a yr and I met her kids about 3 months ago. We get along great. I've met her ex...he seems nice/respectful and a good father. No issues with that at all.
I got to meet her family this past weekend for the first time at her house (we don't live together). Her ex was there and the kids along with her family. I definitely felt like the odd man out....big time. Seeing them interact together and GF interact with ex (not in love at all but get along great)...I felt like I was the person who didn't belong. Seriously just wanted to grab my sh*t and leave. But I didn't want to create a scene or give anyone the wrong impression, so I grinned and beared it. One of the tougher weekends I've been through. When GF and I had some time alone, I told her how I felt and was somewhat angry for her putting me in that situation. It's hard enough to meet the family, having the ex husband present just makes it tougher. It was unfair of me and I immediatly apologized for acting like jerk. She apologized for putting me in that situation but it will happen again. We worked it out but the whole thing leaves a little sour taste in my mouth.
So I've been thinking. I REALLY love this girl...the perfect woman. But I'm wondering if I'm not ready to deal w/ crap like this. And do you think I was over reacting when I confronted GF about this.
Just want some feedback especially from others who may have been in similar situations and how you dealt with uncomfortable situations like that. Is it easier over time? Thank you.
Look, it is what is. She has kids, you either except that or you don't. And it sounds like you are already having problems with it, just get out now before anybody gets hurt. You have to be honest with yourself, that's why I don't date women with kids. I don't want to deal with ex's and blended families and mixed familes and all that other crap.
Im not being judgmental here, and OP will do as he pleases but its more likely than not, that this exact type of woman wouldnt give him time of the day, when she was making babies with the deadbeats. There are more than 3 billion women on this planet, plenty of fish in the sea.
It's thinking like this that puts us back in the 1600's, if it isn't for you then don't do it but don't preach bulls**t, I've raised 5 children, 2 were mine and 3 were hers before we married, now we have 5 children together, the last thing I'll say about your comment is that any male can be a father but only a real man can be a Dad
if you want to be doing another man's job raising multiple children another man fathered that's on you. i didnt say it was wrong, i said i didnt understand why a man would willingly enter that situation. there is no way in hell i would ever get with a woman that another man got pregnant THREE times, but you think you're special or something because you took on that challenge.
too much baggage and mileage for me is all i was saying.
Thank goodness there are real men in this world who know what true love is and who have enough depth to them to be able to love "another man's kid".
Some here would have been damn lucky to have had a step-dad rather than the deadbeat lowlife sperm donors they got.
disgusting? lol it seems to me people are more careful with the cars they purchase than with the people they enter relationships with.
some cars are lemons, i wouldn't purchase them. only certified preowned and new cars for me. if you catch my drift.
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