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Doesn't it seem like a lot are making you pay for what everyone else did to them in the past?
I hear guys say they won't do this or that, because someone did this or that to them...
And I think, well, gee, did I do that to them? Some, on first dates, announce they will not remarry because of things in the past, and I think Okay, fine, but then you've already made your mind up based on things from the past, because you don't even know me.
It borders on insulting, because they gave others a chance, but not you, because the others messed things up.
I don't want someone like that anyway.
I had a date with a guy a few weeks ago, and he went on about how he ended a marriage after THREE months (jeeezz) because he was used to being alone and hadn't married until he was older and "I put a stop to that, knew it wouldn't work out." (Gee, it takes more than 3 months just to get used to passing each other in the hall in the morning!) Needless to say, I am not dating him. I asked him why he asked me out when he was so set on being alone, and I didn't get an answer.
I think it is good to watch for "red flags" and to be careful and discerning, but I think some have this idea that all women are out for their wallet, or all women are naggers, or all women don't like sex, etc. That's like saying "all men drink beer and do nothing on Sundays." Oh, wait a minute....hee hee...
To me, it is refreshing to meet someone who isn't carrying much baggage. Time to MOVE ON.
The hell with the past. The others are gone like vampires sizzling and fizzling in a cheap flick.
A lot of people cannot get over the past and end up with no future, my sis in-law is that way, been divorced for 7 years and drags it into every new relationship which end right away, she's even had guy's tell her why they lost interest but she doesn't get it.
I agree with your post. I see alot of that behavior on the forum here . . . there's nothing more unappealing than someone who carries around a lot of baggage. Sometimes people wonder why they can't get a date sometimes, and they need to look at themselves and realize that some of them are carrying around a big chip on their shoulder.
In one small way I can see where you are coming from. But then maybe there are those who have been single for so long they've adapted very well and have learned the advantages of single life, it doesnt always have to stem from past relationships. Some people just prefer single anymore, some prefer a relationship, everyone has different views.
Granted, someones past is someones past. Dont carry it with you everywhere you go. BUT sometimes a person who has devoted themselves, even at one point, putting family needs 2nd, only to get burned, on numerous occaisions, might come to the conclusion that theres a pattern here and finally wise up. You keep falling for the wrong type of person and are too gullible.
Basically, if you're not ready, simply say so. No need to drag every detail into it. Ive done it once but have learned to keep my mouth shut, its no ones business what happened before. But dont interrogate a person about it either, youre not helping matters any and surely not helping the 'potential' relationship. No matter which side of the fence you're on, when youre ready, you'll know.
Last edited by country pride; 09-22-2007 at 01:39 PM..
I asked him why he asked me out when he was so set on being alone, and I didn't get an answer.
Why does any man go through the trouble of dating? To get laid of course. Okay, that was a little sinister but I can speculate.
I totally agree with your post Nebulous - it truly is unfair that men/women say things like "I'm never getting remarried b'c the first (second, third etc) time didn't work out" b'c it's setting up the relationship for disaster.
Fine, we need to recognize that you got hurt and there are issues involved regarding that pain you went through but come on, give it a chance. Maybe I am just idealistic b'c I am happily married but I'd like to think that if one day we didn't work out and had to end it, I'd find peace with that and move on. *hoping*
I agree with your post. I see alot of that behavior on the forum here . . . there's nothing more unappealing than someone who carries around a lot of baggage. Sometimes people wonder why they can't get a date sometimes, and they need to look at themselves and realize that some of them are carrying around a big chip on their shoulder.
Why does any man go through the trouble of dating? To get laid of course. Okay, that was a little sinister but I can speculate.
I totally agree with your post Nebulous - it truly is unfair that men/women say things like "I'm never getting remarried b'c the first (second, third etc) time didn't work out" b'c it's setting up the relationship for disaster.
Fine, we need to recognize that you got hurt and there are issues involved regarding that pain you went through but come on, give it a chance. Maybe I am just idealistic b'c I am happily married but I'd like to think that if one day we didn't work out and had to end it, I'd find peace with that and move on. *hoping*
I agree with you. I think he caught on after the appetizer that I was about more than just quick sex. Sex is very important to me. But would a man really want a woman he could buy with a meal? There should be a name for that "restaurant prostitution" or something! Just joking...
I hope you stay together, by the way.
In one small way I can see where you are coming from. But then maybe there are those who have been single for so long they've adapted very well and have learned the advantages of single life, it doesnt always have to stem from past relationships. Some people just prefer single anymore, some prefer a relationship, everyone has different views.
Granted, someones past is someones past. Dont carry it with you everywhere you go. BUT sometimes a person who has devoted themselves, even at one point, putting family needs 2nd, only to get burned, on numerous occaisions, might come to the conclusion that theres a pattern here and finally wise up. You keep falling for the wrong type of person and are too gullible.
Basically, if you're not ready, simply say so. No need to drag every detail into it. Ive done it once but have learned to keep my mouth shut, its no ones business what happened before. But dont interrogate a person about it either, youre not helping matters any and surely not helping the 'potential' relationship. No matter which side of the fence you're on, when youre ready, you'll know.
I'm too gullible?
Maybe you've misread my post.........
Doesn't it seem like a lot are making you pay for what everyone else did to them in the past?
I hear guys say they won't do this or that, because someone did this or that to them...
And I think, well, gee, did I do that to them? Some, on first dates, announce they will not remarry because of things in the past, and I think Okay, fine, but then you've already made your mind up based on things from the past, because you don't even know me.
It borders on insulting, because they gave others a chance, but not you, because the others messed things up.
I don't want someone like that anyway.
I had a date with a guy a few weeks ago, and he went on about how he ended a marriage after THREE months (jeeezz) because he was used to being alone and hadn't married until he was older and "I put a stop to that, knew it wouldn't work out." (Gee, it takes more than 3 months just to get used to passing each other in the hall in the morning!) Needless to say, I am not dating him. I asked him why he asked me out when he was so set on being alone, and I didn't get an answer.
I think it is good to watch for "red flags" and to be careful and discerning, but I think some have this idea that all women are out for their wallet, or all women are naggers, or all women don't like sex, etc. That's like saying "all men drink beer and do nothing on Sundays." Oh, wait a minute....hee hee...
To me, it is refreshing to meet someone who isn't carrying much baggage. Time to MOVE ON.
The hell with the past. The others are gone like vampires sizzling and fizzling in a cheap flick.
I think y our very wise, and with that said, your bound to find someone who will treat you like you deserve to be treated....Good for you...you get reps....
I agree with your post. I see alot of that behavior on the forum here . . . there's nothing more unappealing than someone who carries around a lot of baggage. Sometimes people wonder why they can't get a date sometimes, and they need to look at themselves and realize that some of them are carrying around a big chip on their shoulder.
I've got a lot of baggage, when it comes to relationships...but, you try real hard to move forward, and I suppose the only way a person can do that is to not blame either party, and just chalk it up to some unwise choices. But, there is, I believe, another side of the coin here...and that is...people simpy do not deserve to be treated as others treat them....yanno? A woman doesn't ask to be chocked, or a kid doesn't ask to be raped...it's like the guy who goes off to war, and comes home a different person....his eyes are a little deeper and colder....not so innocent anymore....
We all grow, in different ways...and you've made a very good point, and I agree, but I'm also trying to take a look at the other side of the coin...
When a person uses another, or cheats on another, it cuts their heart out...and I believe, if we'd try and remember, it isn't only about us...but all those we come in contact with...and remember the ripples we can induce on another's life.
I don't intend to ever be in another relationship...but my life isn't over, my goodness, it's just begun...
It states in the Bible, somewhere that some people simply shouldn't be married....I believe, now, I'm one of those people I've also done my share of hurtin....and I don't want to hurt another, like I've been hurt. So, I walk away...without a sound...and start a new...yanno, life without a partner, isn't really all that bad...and I'm not alone, not really...and, perhaps sometimes, when people go out on a date, and say they're not going to get married again...they don't mean to hurt anyone, they just simply don't know how else to say, I've seen darkness like never before...and I don't ever want to see it again....?
there is a saying, that other people can't hurt you, unless you allow them to...that, isn't always true.
I dunno, just my thoughts....
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