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My girlfriend is very jealous. Whenever we go out with a group of my friends, which usually includes girls, she is very uncomfortable. One of my guy friends noticed this even and sent me a text saying "She is VERY jealous!". One night after drinking, I caught her reading my text messages on my phone. We got in a pretty big fight that night.
Ever since that night, she has told me that she isn't jealous and she trusts me, but I find it hard to believe. Will the jealousy just get worse? Do you think she doesn't trust me? Is it ever possible for her to get over her insecurity or will she just suppress her feelings?
There are degrees of jealousy some pass easily and others much like Glen Close movies can be scarey to the point of boiling a rabbit..seriously, there are some ladies and men who take jealousy to the enth degree! Right now, your girlfriend sounds fairly harmless although reading your messages is truly an invasion of your privacy and seeing that you are not married feeling angry because she crossed that boundary is normal for you too. It is true she may not be a whole bunch jealous but it is enough to have created an issue. Women are basically nosey..it is the way we are. I have picked my ex husbands pockets numerous times both out ouf necessity for money to feed our son and also because I knew he had someone on the side. Our intuition drives us insane because for the most part it is "spot on" when we suspect something. I guess it is now up to the two of you to talk this all out and see if she does have a jealousy problem. Take into consideration how long you have been together, your ages, how serious the relationship is and also if you truly feel that she can't overcome her "curiosity" then I am afraid you may not want to continue in a relationshp with her or anyone else who behaves this way. Go slow with this and don't make any quick decisions until you can see why she feels so insecure, it could be something she can't control or it could be a bad relationship from her past. Either way, the only way to figure it all out is to talk. Good luck.
She doesn't have any reason to be jealous or not trust you. If I caught someone reading my texts that might be a deal breaker for me. It must be pretty bad if even your friends are noticing her issues. Is this the same girl who couldn't go to the wedding by herself? Honestly, chi she sounds kind of immature.
Thanks Kiki. I think your right. I am her first "real" boyfriend she says. All others were just flings that never went official (im 24, shes 25). I think that has a lot to do with her insecurities and inability to handle "adult" situations. I really feel like its a lost cause that I am unfortunately going to be the guinea pig for.
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Originally Posted by sarahdeanne
You didn't say weather you've given her any reason to be jealous or not. Everyone seems to assume you haven't. I think you should reassure her with whatever honest level of commitment you are willing to give her. Tell her what she can expect to see you doing (talking/ laughing with other women as friends etc) and what you will not be doing. If she can't believe you (and you can't believe her) you have a problem.
I appreciate you being devils advocate here (no sarcasm). I think its important to note that I have never cheated on her or any girlfriend for that matter. I do have a few close female friends, but I dont think that should be considered something to make me un-trustworthy. I have discussed this openly with her and I have basically told her that I refuse to drop my female friends for our relationship. Our relationship isn't deep enough to lose my life long friends over IMO.
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Originally Posted by Letsgetit2121
You better make sure you sleep with one eye open at night if you happen to make any women friends in the near future. Just laughing at another girl's jokes will set her off. To much trouble. The hard part is breaking up with her though. Everyone is saying to just move on, but if she is madly in love with you, it will NOT be easy. Jealous girls eventually will become in control, also. Good luck.
Actually the whole thing kind of started because of one of my female friends. I helped said friend to move into Chicago that weekend since I was one of the few people she knows in the city. We were close friends in high school and we continued communication through college. After college we still kept in touch and I would consider her a great friend.
My girlfriend is very jealous. Whenever we go out with a group of my friends, which usually includes girls, she is very uncomfortable. One of my guy friends noticed this even and sent me a text saying "She is VERY jealous!". One night after drinking, I caught her reading my text messages on my phone. We got in a pretty big fight that night.
Ever since that night, she has told me that she isn't jealous and she trusts me, but I find it hard to believe. Will the jealousy just get worse? Do you think she doesn't trust me? Is it ever possible for her to get over her insecurity or will she just suppress her feelings?
Jealousy stems from insecurity, a low image of oneself and/or the inability to trust onself. Than isn't resolved with the decision, from one moment to the next, to trust you. It's not going to stop until she faces whatever her issues are and gets help for it. Checking text messages would be a major deal breaker and a turn off. I would run, not walk, to the nearest exit. Drama central.
Short of intensive therapy, no jealousy does not fix itself. If you're really that into her and she is open to working on it, then go ahead and stay. Otherwise, run like hell. Seriously. There's something broken in a jealous person, and you're never going to fix it for her yourself. Until she recognizes the problem and takes steps, it's just going to be a sucking void in the relationship, one that gets bigger with every attempt at accommodation on your part.
She read your text message on your phone and she gets uncomfortable when you are merely in the presence of women you consider friends. Those are HUGE red flags. Effin' HUGE.
Idk. does it matter what we say on here? Talk to her, see how she acts and go from there.
Well, I am looking for opinions. Its not like I dont know what I think. I am looking for advice and/or insight into what others thought. Its sort of my opinion that jealousy is HER issue in which I have no ability to fix. I am wondering if others felt the same way. I think that is the reason for most of the posts here, is people are just trying to make sure they weren't the only ones thinking it.
My girlfriend is very jealous. ... she has told me that she isn't jealous and she trusts me, but I find it hard to believe. Will the jealousy just get worse? Do you think she doesn't trust me? Is it ever possible for her to get over her insecurity or will she just suppress her feelings?
Only she can answer your questions, and only you can know what you will do in response. I can tell you that I used to get very jealous of others' attentions to my DH, and at it's core it came from my own insecurities. My mother would caution me about the "green-eyed" beast that feeds on those hearts it dwells in, and she was correct.
Fortunately for me, my DH is a very self-contained and confident man, and he largely ignored my stupidities. In time, I came to grow into my heart and that left less room for alien invaders.
If you love her and you do nothing to contribute to her jealousy, I advise ignoring it and moving on with your lives together. I would not pander to her insecurities or they will enslave both of you. If she wants to throw a fit, let her, but don't try to cajole her out of it. Just go on with your life. Eventually she will either stop, or move on to another more ready to feed that beast in her.
Well, I am looking for opinions. Its not like I dont know what I think. I am looking for advice and/or insight into what others thought. Its sort of my opinion that jealousy is HER issue in which I have no ability to fix. I am wondering if others felt the same way. I think that is the reason for most of the posts here, is people are just trying to make sure they weren't the only ones thinking it.
You can't fix it but she can. We don't know her and how she is, the other posters are right in which most people only get worse, but you can't really know for sure. If you're happy with her, why not keep her around? If you're looking to get rid of her and this is something that could make it a smoother breakup, by all means go for it.
People can get over things, it's just up to you in whether or not you want to invest the time in to her to see if she really does change it.
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