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I suppose the OP has never considered the uncomfortable work environment that will ensue if this little fling leads to anything else but marriage/long term commitment.
Hello my opinion is if you like the girl do like you said go at it sloooow by time you get where you can talk she will find out those other guys are losers.That means when you finaly ask her out she will see that you are real.Guys who hit on the new help are clueless to how to treat a woman.I worked at a trucking co. had guys hit on me everyday and to me its a big turn off.I want to thank you for this girl for you being A REAL MAN! There ant many of those left......
I didn't read all the follow up posts, but from the first post here's my response:
Play it cool. Don't do anything. Ignore her for the time being.
Now all these women are probably saying to just tell her how you feel and ask her on a date and let her decide. I say eff that. If a girl gets a lot of attention in life she'll come to expect it. Be different. Be the guy that DOESN'T chase her. Don't approach her. If you happen to work with her or are talking with her, be funny, joke around with her, then walk away. She'll wonder why you're not like all the other guys drooling over her.
If she wants the dbag who cheats on his girlfriend than that's her mistake to live with and she'll suffer the consequences. It's out of your control at that point.
Otherwise, slowly be funny around her, act like you have a careless but humored approach to life. If there are ANY other girls where you work, attractive or not, talk to them in front of her. If you talk to other girls that are even half as good looking as this girl, she'll wonder why you're not hitting on her. These girls at your age aren't exactly intelligent and you'll have to build her interest in you and get in her head.
Act like every other guy or make a strong move like giving her your number will only make you lose. If you have a chance with her at all it will be with this approach. Take your time, make her laugh, flirt a little, but always be the one to walk away and never ask her out. If she's interested she'll find a way to let you know because what you're doing will have her confused and interested in you. Do NOT do her favors, do NOT tell her how you feel, do NOT "go for broke" and ask her out or give her your number with some stupid message about how the other guy is a dbag and you're better.
Best of luck!
OP congratulations on getting her number. I would have taken the above quote route, but I am proud that you were bold enough to go out and get her number.
That was just the beginning. The tough part comes now. Co-worker relationships are a hassle, so my guess is you really just want to have sex with her. If that is your goal, please do not listen to some of the advice these posters are telling you. If you do one of these two scenarios will happen
1. Least likely - after the first date she will fall for you completely, ask you to come over to her place and she will be loyal to you forever.
2. Most likely - you will be placed in the friend zone/provider category. After the first date she will make excuses, become distant and become less interested in you. In other words she will only make time for you if it is convenient for her.
DO NOT take her out to the movies, dinner, hiking, a sporting event or any other plan. If you do this you are giving her every single opportunity to pick you apart. Women will analyze every little thing that is wrong with you (bad smile, doesnt smell good, no ambition). So unless you are an extremely attractive male or make a ton, number 1 wont happen.
All you have to do next is text her and simply say something along the lines of "lets meetup/pick you up and do something this day at this time". She will agree and probably ask what would are we going to do, "simply say "ill tell you when we meet". This keeps her thinking, and you are being mysterious. Women like this. On the day of the date all you have to do is say "lets grab a bite to eat at this place to go (not some fancy restaurant, but a popular hangout) and watch a movie at my place". She will not say NO! She knows you, she is obviously interested in you and it is so difficult for people to say no, they are not going to reject that proposal. I am pretty sure women on this board will tell you that they can smell it and would refuse. They are not telling you the truth. I have used this same method on 4 women I asked out this year and they all said yes. These were not naive young women. One was a nurse and the other was a government agent. Within 30 minutes of the rendezvous point they are usually at my place. That is what you really want OP right? You want to have a chance to have sex with her. You're are not going to have that chance wasting two hours on a movie or an event. Usually after those two hours our over she is going to come up with some lame excuse to end the date.
Once you get her in your place, you are on your own man. However I quoted the poster above because he has some good advice. Dont go after her, let her come to you. Dont be pushy, touchy and do something else while she is at your place, like while the movie is playing look at your computer. Be evasive, and if you show that you are not interested in her she will send a cue to kiss her or have sex. Women do this all the time. On one of my dates I was watching a sport scene on my Ipad, and the girl I was dating said "youre supposed to be paying attention to me" I apologized, then she quickly said Im tired went to my bedroom lied down. Made my move on her right there.
If you are good in bed she would be coming for more and she will continue to be interested in you. Chances are there will be more dates to come. So please dont listen to some of the previous posters advice. Just text her to set up a date to meet, dont tell her what your plans are, on the day of the date simply say lets get something to eat to go and go over to my place. If you have game, you will get laid that day.
After thinking about it I decided I was going to take the high road and not expose the "other guy" for what he was at all. Infact, I had put te whole thing outa my mind and had a pretty productive morning this morning. So anyway, this girl and I took our break at about the same time this morning. We chatted in the break area outside about work and some of the problems she was trying to overcome being new and all. We also chatted about non-work related things like things we both like to do.
It just so happened that we have some of the same hobbies, so I decided to play up that angle a little bit. I thought that I would go ahead and approach her and invite her to do something by saying ....
" Hey, like I said I got this weekend off so if you want to hang out and do something, hit me up sometime"
And pass her a piece of paper with my number on it. Well, this is just exactly what I did and it all worked out! before I could even say everything I was going to say, she said she was going to give me her number and she wrote it down for me! I mean, she didn't have to do that, I never asked for her number but she volunteered it so that has to mean something right? At least that she is interested in a non-work enviroment relationship like just being freinds or something.
So now, when do you think I should call? Thats another thing, should I call or text? The thought of having to carry a conversation over the phone is just plain frustrating, as I don't even like to talk to family much over the phone.
Let's not forget that she has my number to, so do you think it would be best to let her call if she wants or do you think I'm going to have to be the one to do the initiating? I figure I'd wait at least a couple days..... I don't want to seem too desperate because I'm not that desperate.
What now?
{ I know I suck at this, you don't have to tell me } LOL. Everytime Ive ever been with a girl before, this is not the route I took, so this traditional stuff is really kinda new to me. Before, it's always been kind of a mutual thing, with little to no mystery as to whether we were interested in each other.
Yay! See what happens when you act like a grownup? Good job whipper. So she gave you her number to CALL. Don't text. CALL her. Call her tonight...plan something for the weekend. If I was her, that's what I would be waiting for.
I wouldn't say anything. Sounds like a bunch of hounds that you work with. What I would say, is one daythat you're all in the same area...ask the guy " so, ______how are you and the girlfriend doing?"....should be hint enough..he will have to explaine, and if she is a lady it will heighten her senses... otherwise, I'd make like a tree and leave it alone.
After thinking about it I decided I was going to take the high road and not expose the "other guy" for what he was at all. Infact, I had put te whole thing outa my mind and had a pretty productive morning this morning. So anyway, this girl and I took our break at about the same time this morning. We chatted in the break area outside about work and some of the problems she was trying to overcome being new and all. We also chatted about non-work related things like things we both like to do.
It just so happened that we have some of the same hobbies, so I decided to play up that angle a little bit. I thought that I would go ahead and approach her and invite her to do something by saying ....
" Hey, like I said I got this weekend off so if you want to hang out and do something, hit me up sometime"
And pass her a piece of paper with my number on it. Well, this is just exactly what I did and it all worked out! before I could even say everything I was going to say, she said she was going to give me her number and she wrote it down for me! I mean, she didn't have to do that, I never asked for her number but she volunteered it so that has to mean something right? At least that she is interested in a non-work enviroment relationship like just being freinds or something.
So now, when do you think I should call? Thats another thing, should I call or text? The thought of having to carry a conversation over the phone is just plain frustrating, as I don't even like to talk to family much over the phone.
Let's not forget that she has my number to, so do you think it would be best to let her call if she wants or do you think I'm going to have to be the one to do the initiating? I figure I'd wait at least a couple days..... I don't want to seem too desperate because I'm not that desperate.
What now?
{ I know I suck at this, you don't have to tell me } LOL. Everytime Ive ever been with a girl before, this is not the route I took, so this traditional stuff is really kinda new to me. Before, it's always been kind of a mutual thing, with little to no mystery as to whether we were interested in each other.
Hey, it went well for you, good job. Not the way I would have done it, I wouldn't have given her my number first but you won the hand at this stage and that's all that matters.
I would now be VERY careful of what you do going further as someone else mentioned: Friend zone is at play here. I wouldn't necessarily take this as "she really likes me", because it could very well be seen on her side as "I met a new friend at work today". I woud play the friend who doesn't really care if she tags along angle here. When you call her, tell her you're going out or doing XXX with friends tomorrow and if she wants to tag along she's welcome to. This way it's not asking her out, it's not showing your hand to her, you don't look desperate, and you look like you have a social life. Then get some buddies, go out somewhere fun and she can come along. That way you don't have to give her all of your attention when you're out. If your friends are good ones, explain to them you like this girl and you're playing it cool, if they're you're friends they'll be your wing men and help you out.
If you meet other girls when you're out, talk to them, be friendly, be funny. This is the best way to get her attention, make yourself look more desireable in her eyes. and if she's a jealous freak you can weed her out early.
Good luck.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
I suppose the OP has never considered the uncomfortable work environment that will ensue if this little fling leads to anything else but marriage/long term commitment.
Yeah, because no successful marriage EVER happened from people who met at work.....
Hey, it went well for you, good job. Not the way I would have done it, I wouldn't have given her my number first but you won the hand at this stage and that's all that matters.
Why would it matter that it's not the way you would have done it? He got her number and is planning a date so what you would do is irrelevant.
Quote:
I would now be VERY careful of what you do going further as someone else mentioned: Friend zone is at play here. I wouldn't necessarily take this as "she really likes me", because it could very well be seen on her side as "I met a new friend at work today". I woud play the friend who doesn't really care if she tags along angle here. When you call her, tell her you're going out or doing XXX with friends tomorrow and if she wants to tag along she's welcome to. This way it's not asking her out, it's not showing your hand to her, you don't look desperate, and you look like you have a social life. Then get some buddies, go out somewhere fun and she can come along. That way you don't have to give her all of your attention when you're out. If your friends are good ones, explain to them you like this girl and you're playing it cool, if they're you're friends they'll be your wing men and help you out.
If you meet other girls when you're out, talk to them, be friendly, be funny. This is the best way to get her attention, make yourself look more desireable in her eyes. and if she's a jealous freak you can weed her out early.
He's asking her out on a date, so there is no "friend zone" at play, but there could be one if he takes your advice! His whole objective is to date this woman, not just be her friend, so playing it cool for the sake of playing it cool will likely blow up in his face. He showed interest in her, she showed it back to him and numbers were exchanged. I don't think any woman who showed interest in a guy is looking for an outing with all his buddies, when she doesn't even know him yet. And when I'm getting to know someone, I do expect all of his attention, not being an afterthought while he's goofing off with his friends.
Last edited by Katnan; 06-28-2012 at 09:00 AM..
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Good job whipper. So she gave you her number to CALL. Don't text. CALL her. Call her tonight...plan something for the weekend. If I was her, that's what I would be waiting for.
