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Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,029,399 times
Reputation: 11862
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba
It's pretty simple to me.
How often you reject versus how often you are rejected.
It's not fair to say if you can't find 'true love', then you are unsuccessful. Like Brad Pitt might be unhappy with his love life ... that doesn't mean he's unsuccessful.
Particularly with those you have had a chance to get to know the real you over time, if you have been rejected often, you are unsuccessful.
I'd say if your ratio is pretty close to even, then you are successful. If your ratio is horribly skewed to the negative or you have rejected nobody or you can count that number on one hand, then you are unsuccessful.
It's a lot easier to internalize somebody rejecting you when you yourself have rejected just as many.
I don't think I've truly been rejected, nor have I rejected anyone. For me it's just never got passed stage 1. The women I've been attracted to generally have had bf, I wasn't THAT into them, or I never took the step to try to get them or make my feelings known. And my feelings were never that serious either. I consider myself even MORE unsuccessful than someone who's tried but been rejected, because at least they're making mistakes and getting somewhere through learning.
-Hey. Every woman who has rejected me? We're just not a good match. Don't think of it as rejection. Think of it as them saying we wouldn't work out.
-We're all in the same boat. Everyone is looking for true love. And no matter if you have 0 or 100 dates and flings in between that period, everybody who doesn't have someone is unsuccessful at love.
Only. Good luck convincing yourself of it when the women who have rejected you have dated MANY men and you have not rejected nobody or few people yourself.
I DO TRY and push this attitude on myself. Do you know how hard that is when you've been rejected a lot. Try it...
I don't think I've truly been rejected, nor have I rejected anyone. For me it's just never got passed stage 1. The women I've been attracted to generally have had bf, I wasn't THAT into them, or I never took the step to try to get them or make my feelings known. And my feelings were never that serious either. I consider myself even MORE unsuccessful than someone who's tried but been rejected, because at least they're making mistakes and getting somewhere through learning.
Yea, well, that's different. You have yet to try.
That's how I was in high school. I never really tried. I was really optimistic back then.
I'd say you're in a pretty good spot. You can still be successful and not become too bitter like myself.
Just NEVER invest in a woman before you know she likes you back. Live by that golden rule, and you can avoid bitterness. It doesn't matter how many women reject you. If you don't truly like those women, you won't be that bitter.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,029,399 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba
Yea, well, that's different. You have yet to try.
That's how I was in high school. I never really tried. I was really optimistic back then.
I'd say you're in a pretty good spot. You can still be successful and not become too bitter like myself.
Just NEVER invest in a woman before you know she likes you back. Live by that golden rule, and you can avoid bitterness. It doesn't matter how many women reject you. If you don't truly like those women, you won't be that bitter.
Good luck.
No, I'm not the type to worship or act like the whole world depends on the love of one person. I hope to keep my self-respect, and my nads, intact, thankyou, but I'm far from one of those who uses people as objects. If I'm not feelin' it, or if she does me wrong, I hope I'll be able to just leave it.
If this was 100 years ago ,it would not be the problem it is today.
Personally ,I see so much dishonesty going on in both sexes.
Romance is a farce as long as people believe in a fantasy and not face reality in their relationships.
A guy says I like riding bicycles, I use the bile in stead of the car to go to work , the girl reples,I do too , but the fact is she hasn't been on a bike in 10 years , so what she is saying in her mind , Id like to ride bicycle may be if I have to, to win this guy.
Ever see the movie "Must Love Dogs "?
It was painted with so many lies going on it is no wonder the girl was divorced ,who can trust what any one has to say ?
But that is a picture of this society.
Dating looking for a fun time and dating looking for a mate are so blended there is a lot of confusion on both sides, but they are 2 different things entirely .
A person reasons that if I imply that it is just a fun date and no perminant relationship is intended to be sought after and I say any thing indicating that ,that other person is not going to put out ., where as if I indicate I am looking for a mate, they will yield to more compromising activity for my pleasure.
In this world of lies and deception, what is to be believed ?
I have sat down repeatidly with women and explained that I only wanted a friend , some one to talk to , and not interesed in romance period , but they don't believe me and try to compromise my standards I had already laid out, and then up set because they find that I wasn't kidding / lieing .
if you go to the store in pursuit of buying a pair of good $100 leather shoes ,and you bring home your choice only to find out they are made of paper, what do you do about it ?
As long as people live with the idea that it is OK to lie untill you are cought , you deserve those paper shoes.
Would you like to explain what about my last statement makes me bitter?
It seems like a pretty logical statement to me.
Gosh, not you! Was referring to some of the posters just prior to my last post.
You seem kind of determined to try to AVOID bitterness, which I can really applaud and appreciate.
Don't give in to the dark side!
I really liked what you said here: It's not fair to say if you can't find 'true love', then you are unsuccessful. Like Brad Pitt might be unhappy with his love life ... that doesn't mean he's unsuccessful.
Gosh, not you! Was referring to some of the posters just prior to my last post.
You seem kind of determined to try to AVOID bitterness, which I can really applaud and appreciate.
Don't give in to the dark side!
I really liked what you said here: It's not fair to say if you can't find 'true love', then you are unsuccessful. Like Brad Pitt might be unhappy with his love life ... that doesn't mean he's unsuccessful.
Haha, that's good that's good. You know how to deal with bitter people. Never tell a bitter person they are bitter, it will just make them more bitter. Kudos to you.
Yes, I can DEFINITELY see my bitterness. And I try to do things about it. Including staying off the Relationships section of CD. Coming here just makes me think of all the women who have rejected me, and I don't know why I do it.
I mean, I have had good points where I have gone on nice road trips with exes and watched horror movies or gone to good restaurants together. When do THOSE topics ever come up in CD relationships? The good point of RELATIONSHIPS? Never. It's always dating dealbreakers, effeminate men, short men, nice guys, 'damaged goods', getting old and ugly, etc...
All of the crap that just makes you more and more bitter and all of the reasons why I hate dating.
I come in here because I get sick of hearing my friends complain about how 'horribly unlucky' they are when it comes to dating because they only date 3 or 4 men/women a month and can't find the right one. I have friends who are in their 30s who have been married 2 or 3 times to genuinely good people (it just didn't work out and they all moved on) and I can't even get a guy to go on more than 2 dates with me. It just gets frustrating, so I come on here to vent because my friends aren't very supportive, nor do they understand.
I come in here because I get sick of hearing my friends complain about how 'horribly unlucky' they are when it comes to dating because they only date 3 or 4 men/women a month and can't find the right one. I have friends who are in their 30s who have been married 2 or 3 times to genuinely good people (it just didn't work out and they all moved on) and I can't even get a guy to go on more than 2 dates with me. It just gets frustrating, so I come on here to vent because my friends aren't very supportive, nor do they understand.
I feel like you're my female counterpart JJ.
It"s pretty safe to assume the men who rejected you are complaining about how they can't find anybody. The last woman who rejected me majorly was whining about how no men liked her cause she was 'one of the guys' about a week before i made my move and she demolished me.
I may have as good a reason to whine as anybody, but whining is overall unproductive and makes you bitter. I need a way to break out of the cycle.
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