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Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
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Why would you tell someone to try to be with someone they consider ugly? It's one thing if others think one or both people in the relationship are ugly, but if the people in the relationship both think that the other person in the relationship is ugly, then they wouldn't have feelings for each other and wouldn't be together.
For me, it's not that I'm ugly. I'm just too drained to take on someone else.
Right? Sometimes it sounds like a good idea, and then... nah, I'd probably have to talk and then get dressed or something first. Too much effort right now.
Throw in a good sense of humor and I'm sold. You could put me in a room with a "10" with no sense of humor and a "6" that makes me laugh and the "6" is the one who I am going to find attractive.
So I am 26 and never been on a date. I'm quite ugly, though I am in shape physically, well educated, and have a good white collar job. I just suck with women and it's extremely lonely being me. How do others who are in similar situation cope being ugly and single with zero prospects in sight.
Ugly is a state of mind. Start looking for the good in yourself.
I used to work with a girl who thought she was so pretty and you could probably have made your fingerprints on the inch of makeup on her face. She was ugly inside though. She was mean, dishonest, and spent most of the day putting others down. I tolerated her and a couple of times tried to reason with her but she knew better than anyone else.
You can be pretty inside and it will affect the outside and how others feel about you. I have never understood why anyone would think themselves ugly. Find out what you don't like about yourself and work on fixing it. That would be a start.
I'm 56, not at all good looking and never have been: and I'm not getting any prettier as time goes by. Women have never taken to me- not THAT way, anyway, though I have been academically successful and achieved reasonably. So by now, after 40 or so years experience of life as a non-looker, I have a few nuggets to add to this thread (nuggets of what, you may judge for yourself dear Readers, if I ever have any).
One of the aspects which has affected responses in this thread is the word 'UGLY' itself. The word itself is ugly, with not just negative connotations but highly emotive aspects. Someone using the term ugly about him or her self, comes across as someone desperately desiring some form of redemption, a cry for help to make them feel good about themselves.
Unfortunately, this draws out a lot of negative as well as positive responses: attempts to salve or soothe spiritually, or howls that the self-proclaimed 'ugly' is mired in self-pity and should snap out: well meant, and spiteful comments.
The well-meant comments try to persuade the 'ugly' to act confident, work out, feel good about the aspects of the self that can be admired: the ill-intended are presumably intended to provide the perpetrator with a 'high' by feeling good about those he perceives as worse off than himself.
The less said about the ill-intended the better, but the plain unsympathetic and even the well intended all tend to miss the mark a little, and plainly leave the OP unsatisfied, because they generally fail to acknowledge that there is a problem at all. The problem either doesn't really exist, or can be 'solved; or is a failing of the OP.
So. perhaps it is better to use less emotive language: say, 'physically unattractive' which unfortunately takes much longer to write- and also to acknowledge clearly that if someone (male or female) lacks the pulchritude asset sufficiently then that really does constitute a problem.
It really does. Looks matter. Not in a life-or-death manner of course, but in a 'this will have ongoing implications for your lifestyle' kind of way. Science has shown that not only are good (and by definition, bad) looks objectively viewed by people across cultures in a similar manner, but the psychological response engendered is frequently reflexively based upon this.
Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but beholders tend to react in predictable ways to 'stimuli'. So, individuals may umm and arr about other individuals, especially in between the extremes, but most beholders broadly agree on what constitutes beauty and what constitutes 'ugliness'.
The good news is that most people fall well within the extremes: so they may suffer some rejections over there, but are successful over here. You don't win 'em all, but you find a mutual partner in the end. There is a tendency (but plenty of exceptions) to end up with someone of similar attractiveness level. Your spouse may not be a beauty queen or Mr Universe, but there are plenty of compensating good points and there is at least a spark of mutual physical attraction.
However, if you are sufficiently at the lower end of the 'physical attractiveness' spectrum, it becomes a different ball game. 'Uglies' are hard wired just the same as the rest of the human race and not a different species. We are drawn to people we find attractive same as anyone else, but the chances of acceptance are lower. Not being a separate species, 'uglies' do not find one another attractive any more than anyone else, so unless getting together purely for companionship, the spark of mutual physical attraction which is an important component in most matches is not there.
The search is all the harder these days, as it is all so easy to look for 'mates' on the internet dating sites: why settle for third-rate when there is always the possibility of second or first around the corner? And it is both sexes that are wired to like looks, not just men- try the internet and see! The internet has made life harder for the 'uglies', not easier.
Of course, unattractive men in particular always have one hope- financial success may enable them to hook a lady. It certainly can. Financial security always has been a factor in finding a mate for a female especially. Or as one poster suggested, look online in places where the ladies are desperate to escape poverty, say the Philippines. It can work, maybe for life. Is it the same as love based on mutual attraction? No. It may appear so, and one may go through life just as if it were a love match so based. But should the finances hit the rocks- well, don't say I didn't warn you! The attraction was part based on ability to provide economic benefit rather than attachment to the individual, though that may develop. If the wealthier partner defaults on the deal, the partner won in this manner may consider breach of contract ends the relationship.
Life isn't fair. It doesn't deal out the cards equally. In looks, intelligence, wealth, health - and no doubt other factors- we have to play the hand we are dealt. If one is particularly low on looks, and also short on wealth, it is very much an uphill game. Science again shows that the better looking one is, the better job, earning potential, employment prospects, friends and assistance, even from (unconsciously) teachers and parents. Looks matter. Of course, playing one's hand means playing to one's strengths, minimising the disadvantages, being adaptable and inventive and trying to overcome the negatives. Life is spiritual also, as well as physical. Life can be rich and have much to offer in so many myriad ways to us 'uglies' as much as anyone else. Probably less sex though.
If the 'ugly' does get into a relationship, one problem then is insecurity- inner fear one can be discarded easily- and lack of emotional maturity, so the relationship is often 'unbalanced'. The 'ugly' may be tempted to set the partner on a pedestal ad the sheer intensity of feeling to try to 'keep' the partner may not be requited.
But realism is also necessary. If one is physically unattractive, dating, sex and marriage may be very hard to find or even impossible, or become so with time. As with life's other realities, one has to accept the situation and fight to make the best of it, though mistakes are naturally made and there may be plenty of regret, sadness or heartache. But who in life doesn't suffer those, one way or another?
Last edited by richardthird; 11-30-2016 at 02:09 PM..
There is no such thing as ugly really. What someone doesn't like another person will. I was watching the show the Drs the other day and they had a woman with a rare disease with tumors all over her body and face. She was married and had a child that was on the show with her she didn't have the disease.
Honestly i could not date someone like that but my point is someone else did. Lets face it the most beautiful people are often just as or more lonely as you. Real beautiful people are treated like meat and their looks are the only thing people focus on. And some real attractive people actually turn people off from asking them out because they are so beautiful. Lastly real attractive people usually can not have a long term relationship because they are always seeking the next hot guy or gal.
I am average looking guy and I rather be average then "hot" any day.
some peopel are ugly, it's how it is. and you won't get as much sex or dates, people may be ruder. meh..suck it up. there is more to life than sex/dating, and just get used to not being as fauned over.
And no such thing as ugly...haha. of course there is. how many people see Trump's wife as hot vis a vis Hilary Clinton (even in her prime since she is near seventy now)? there is a broad and defined agreement as to who is hot, it's innate LARGELY and not politically correct to say "everybody is beautiful".
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