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it's so hard, it would be so much easier to just know his true feelings, this is what makes it hard because he hasn't changed towards his words and or affection towards me and wants to come along to appointments etc but he just does not not move forward and I cant take the insecurity of it all and not knowing what the future holds. I know he does not want me to walk away and nor does he want to walk away but what is one to do. I keep thinking there must be a way to get this out in the open with him, I've tried talking and number of times, I've not spoken for a few days to do thinking and that did not work, he just remains the same, Im lost where this guy is coming from and what he wants, there seems no direction, commitment, nothing except his words that he wants to be with me forever and loves me.
it's so hard, it would be so much easier to just know his true feelings, this is what makes it hard because he hasn't changed towards his words and or affection towards me and wants to come along to appointments etc but he just does not not move forward and I cant take the insecurity of it all and not knowing what the future holds. I know he does not want me to walk away and nor does he want to walk away but what is one to do. I keep thinking there must be a way to get this out in the open with him, I've tried talking and number of times, I've not spoken for a few days to do thinking and that did not work, he just remains the same, Im lost where this guy is coming from and what he wants, there seems no direction, commitment, nothing except his words that he wants to be with me forever and loves me.
One walks away, and leaves him to make up his mind and find a spine (or whatever the problem is), while you take care of yourself. You don't need this stress, and neither does the baby, who, btw, will be taking in your stress hormones. Not healthy for the baby. Whatever is wrong with this guy, whether he has a mental health issue, is just plain immature, has someone else stashed somewhere on the side, or some other hidden problem, you can't solve it. And you'll have your hands full right away dealing with your situation. I suppose you're thinking that a decision regarding the baby would be easier to make if your guy was fully on board. But he's not. So you have to be the decider all by yourself. There's no other option. He has abrogated any responsibility for the future of this (potential) child, so you need to pick up that slack and move on as if he weren't in the picture. It sounds like you've done enough pleading and asking and talking. He doesn't get it, or doesn't want to get it, so move on. Leave him to his ambivalence.
Last-ditch move: tell him you're moving on, and since he can't decide anything about the future, there may not be a baby in the future. See what happens then. True, it's drastic, maybe too drastic a thing to say.
I don't know how to ask this delicately, but are you sure there's no on else? Do you ever see him on the weekends, or just during the week when he can be "working late?" Some of his indecision could stem from that.
I don't know how to ask this delicately, but are you sure there's no on else? Do you ever see him on the weekends, or just during the week when he can be "working late?" Some of his indecision could stem from that.
This is what I was wondering, when you said he kept you to a 3 times/week schedule for dating. There's just something odd there.
Sorry to say, but he's been using you. In his mind, he's got the best of all worlds. He's still single, doesn't have to share his place or his stuff, and he's getting laid. Now that you're pregnant (was that on purpose?) he's being forced into a corner. He obviously doesn't want marriage, certainly not just because of a kid. Now he doesn't want to tell you to abort, he's afraid of retribution on your part. If he did want to take the next step, and have the baby, he'd be elated. Sorry. You have some tough decisions ahead.
I've been to his place numerous times, he has no one else pretty sure of this, we speak on the phone every night and see each other at least one night during the week plus on the weekends and never have skip a weekend in the 12 months nor phone calls. Pregnancy was not on purpose, he said if I fell pregnant it wouldn't bother him as he intended to be with me for ever and this is what confuses me whereby he says now he is undecided about the baby and wont step up which I just assumed he was going to anyway regardless of the situtation but nothing changes, thats why I totally baffled by his actions
You need to step up to yourself and the baby, since no one else is. Write him off. If he wants to win you back, he will. If he doesn't try, well...the writing's on the wall, then.
Oh, and make sure you jot down his Social Security number. SS will be really interested in him after the baby. If you decide to keep it. There'll be hospital bills, too.
I should write him off but are having trouble thinking I could be making a really big mistake if I write him off. I have really strong feelings for this guy and I think or thought he had for me, maybe he does but cant commit to me or is scared, I dont know. I dont want to walk away from him and I really dont think he wants to walk away from me but I need more and guessing he is comfy seeing me so many days per week, I also dont think it's sex related he's seeing me, maybe he has thoughts what it could be but cant actually get himself or convince himself to step-up . He is responsible in alot of ways, had same job for 20+ years, loyal to his family, regular, can predict down to the time of the phone call LOL but he is so stuck in his old bachelor ways but i really feel he does not want to part with me but he cant bring himself to make that commitment to me.
Well, I was suggesting the write-off as a way of sort of calling his bluff. If he realizes he could lose you due to his indecision, he might realize he's losing something good from his life, and might ask you to take him back. But it's risky. So, your call. Seems he was a bit commitment-shy even before the baby, though.
I don't think we can give you a magic answer. There's already a variety of opinions here. hm... a baby is on its way, and he still can't decide? I really hope it works out for you, OP. Who knows, it might. But waiting for him to decide is only postponing decisions you need to make about the baby.
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