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Hey, with all the stuff that is discussed here, I think this is a perfectly valid thread.
I have had a few acquaintances who have done this, with a particular emphasis on Eastern Europe and Latin America, and some minor emphasis on Thailand and the Philippines.
My read on this is that these guys were somewhat eccentric, socially awkward, and somewhat geeky in appearance. They really thought they were going to land a 9+ "Olga from the Volga" model type and bring her back to the States.
Have you known anyone who has done this? What is your take on these guys?
I think it depends. If you fetishize a certain look (asian, indian etc.) then I think it could be a bit creepy. I've also read a lot of MRA blogs and it seems there's a high percentage of men involved with that movement who seek out foreign brides because 'American' women are horrible etc. So, they find a foreign bride that waits on them hand and foot (one blogger posted extensive pictures of his Chinese wife cleaning, ironing clothes in her underwear etc. to show how much better she was than 'Americanized' women).
I have no doubt there are men out there that truly want a foreign bride because they find another culture interesting or are attracted to a different type of woman, but it seems the large majority of men who are involved with this are doing it to somehow 'punish' American women. It's odd.
I think it is a little weird especially the ones who only seek out foreign women.
I have this friend from college, white Jewish guy, an actually a pretty good choice -- tall, good looking, athletic, sensitive guy.
Anyway I quickly found out he only dated "exotic" women. He dated a friend of mine who was Chinese. The girlfriend before that was greek/chinese. He was always seeking out "ethnic" friends which included me (I am African American), some ethiopian women, and my other good friend who was filipino and white.
Anyway we were pretty good friends with him and would jokingly refer to him as an Asian fetish boy. The Asian girls were falling all over themselves to date him.
After knowing him for a while he invited us to his house and we met his dad. It all added up. His dad was a photographer and pretty much exclusively did people photos of indigenous groups from all over the world. There were photos up everywhere of different types on women and his dad would say "xyz country has the most beauti women". It would change daily.
He had no hope, he wasn't destined to like white women.
Some are losers who play upon being a sought-after westerner in other parts of the world, and some are winners who are attracted to a particular culture and the women there so they go for it. I don't think one can generalize on this.
I've known five men who went to foreign countries to find a wife. All of them except one has had a very happy marriage. That particular one guy was kind of different to begin with and I felt sorry for his wife. All of the other women have been good looking and have seemed to be happy. My friend in his forties that married a woman from Russia said there is a tremendous difference in the attitude of foreign wives, compared to wives that live in the US. He said his wife is happy to be here and does not look at the things she does as her job, she is grateful to her husband that he married her and brought her to the United States where, life for her is easier. I don't see anything wrong with a man doing this, I think you would be more assured of having a happy wife as long as you treated her well and didn't expect her to be your slave. I would pick a Spanish country or Russia, however, and never the Philippines, Japan, Thailand or other oriental country.
I've had a few brushes with this phenomenon. In both cases, the men I knew personally who sought out foreign brides were deeply flawed individuals who were looking for someone who would make them feel good. The one dude was likely a sociopath and was just looking for a house cleaner and regular lay, while the other dude was a very self-centered guy who was nice enough but had no real personality to speak of and wasn't very attractive. They both married very beautiful and kind women who were living in desperate circumstances. (Like, seriously, one woman delayed her arrival to help with the potato harvest so her family would have enough food for the winter.)
Basically, I think it's a bad sign when you have to seek out women who are interested in you simply because you are the only thing standing between them and a third world existence. And the women... well, let's just say I don't think they necessarily chose the easiest path by coming here to marry some social reject or a guy with a serious mental disorder. I know a lot of these marriages work out, but just as many are disasters. In any case, it's no skin off my back - I mean, it's not like I'm missing out on some great guy because he instead opted to marry a beautiful foreign woman in stead of an American she-devil. But if I meet a guy who says he went wife hunting overseas, it will definitely raise a red flag for me about how stable or well-socialized he is. Not that it has ever come up, really, aside from those two cases...
I kind of put the appeal of the foreign bride thing in the same bucket as I put those Mormon polygamist types. It's all about a guy who needs to feel like a rock star in his own home. These are not men who are interested in equal relationships.
A few of these guys are businessmen with busy careers who either don't have the time to date in the US, or are awkward at dating. So they go over to another country where brokers line up a bunch of women for them to meet, and have a one or two-week marathon of meeting women. They could do a similar dating blitz from time to time in the US, but they seem to be awkward about dating. Still, a few are legit guys, not all are scary creeps. (Homicides have been known to occur after the brides have been in the US some time.)
I think the whole thing is a result of the phenomenon that men are expected to court and bag the woman, and to have the money to do so. Women hunt for foreign men when they travel, but no industry has grown up around that, because it doesn't fit prevailing stereotypes.
I kind of put the appeal of the foreign bride thing in the same bucket as I put those Mormon polygamist types. It's all about a guy who needs to feel like a rock star in his own home. These are not men who are interested in equal relationships.
That's kind of how I look at it as well. I work at a university with a big international student population, and I see people all the time who just happen to fall for someone from another country, and that's great. Their relationships don't seem to be based on a fetish or a power trip. What makes me raise my eyebrows is when a guy crows about how much better foreign women are than American women. He's usually never talking about finding an Australian doctor or a financial analyst from Hong Kong, he's usually talking about a rube from a third-world country who will treat him like a king because she's desperate and he got her out of poverty and into American citizenship. I can't imagine there aren't American rubes who'd be happy to have those guys.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 08-26-2012 at 03:16 PM..
I work at a university with a big international student population, and I see people all the time who just happen to fall for someone from another country.
This is where guys on student visas shop for a permanent-residency gig, by playing women for the marriage certif. As often as not these guys live off their new wives, who tend to be the hard-working or successful professional types, or the guys disappear altogether after the couple passes the immigration fake-marriage exam and the 1-year probation period (or is it 2 years now?) is over. I know of several such cases.
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