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Well god damn, you'd question your self worth, too, if you'd never had a relationship at my age. And that doesn't mean I wear that on my sleeve with every person I'm with. Those bad feelings are a result of what happens because of rejection, not something that's built in beforehand. I can have a great time with a girl and have on many occasions. I don't constantly act insecure and anxious around people.
I don't live with my parents and have many hobbies and passions. None of that is causing problems with my dating life. Common passions are what get a dating relationship going to begin with, coupled with my wit and humor.
The fact that you've never been in a relationship at your age means just that and nothing else. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, or that your less of a person than anyone else.
Two ways to boost confidence are to maximize your physical fitness/appearance and professional development. It's not about being vain (looking at yourself in the mirror, etc) or looking down on those who aren't as accomplished in terms of career, but improving in these areas will help your confidence (the same way that struggling in these areas will hurt it).
You're still getting dates here and there and, from what I recall, feel confident approaching women out and about (which is a skill many people lack, myself included). You've shown us that you're not slick with women but, if you take a step back and change some things (and improve in areas that you have control over), you're likely to see better results. Don't think of yourself as a loser b/c you haven't been in a relationship. You're certainly not a loser based on that fact alone. GL!
What is it that makes her so compatible besides the similar values?
Our tastes, values, humor, and personality were all incredibly compatible. We could relate to one another on so many levels and had great fun just talking for hours. And in my experience, usually the fun girls with a lot of character also have questionable backgrounds, emotional issues or red flags. She had none of this, and I can honestly say that she had every quality I've been wanting to find in a woman.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LIS123
The fact that you've never been in a relationship at your age means just that and nothing else. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, or that your less of a person than anyone else.
Two ways to boost confidence are to maximize your physical fitness/appearance and professional development. It's not about being vain (looking at yourself in the mirror, etc) or looking down on those who aren't as accomplished in terms of career, but improving in these areas will help your confidence (the same way that struggling in these areas will hurt it).
Thank you. I think you've made some of the most sensible, intelligent posts on here. I am trying to get deeper into my hobbies and teach myself new things. It just pisses me off because my brother says he wants to work with me on stuff and never does. So I'm always off to go do stuff on my own. Loneliness doesn't help this type of pain.
Maybe part of the reason I feel compelled to talk to this girl again is because she's not very forward, so even if she did have any urge to talk again when the time's right, I'd probably have to initiate. She told me how after her breakup, she had no friends in town and was so lonely that she considered getting back in touch with her previous boyfriend of three years prior, but quickly realized that would be wrong. She said she really overthinks things, and she obviously does have uncertainty in her actions. I was thinking of emailing her something I know she'd like that I never got around to sending when we were dating, or just stopping by her place. But my brain's telling me there's a good chance it wouldn't do any good and maybe just make me look pitiful, which I guess I am at this point.
Might be good to talk to someone- I was haunted by the memory of my first love- my first live in relationship...It was on and off my mind for 30 years till she finally died- don't waste your time like I did..get some help if you can not shake of the curse.
Therapy could really help. Seeking counseling doesn't mean that something is inherently wrong with you. If anything, people who are unaware of their own actions (psychopaths) who need therapy most rarely ever seek it. I think you're admirable to:
1.) Recognize your depression is affecting you
2.) Want to change something about your situation
3.) Aren't willing to play victim (especially by pandering to stupid PUA tactics)
Maturity comes with realizing that relationships are an intricate process, including the relationship you share with your own self and your past.
Sometimes people get so stuck on the past that they can't enjoy what they have today, and they dwell or they carry on that baggage and create their own self-fulfilling prophecies for future relationships to come that doom to fail, because they are not self-aware, and not conscious about their own intentions, motives, and insight.
So this is a positive step forward! Go for it! Besides, there are so many cool avenues to explore while your learning about your own self and your own reactions (especially to a loss of love). Good luck on your decision! Taking care of yourself is imperative and #1.
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