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Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
5,152 posts, read 8,529,163 times
Reputation: 2038
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerania
How did that go?
Extremely bad at the end. I finally basically told her I had 3 deal breakers with her (didn't mention them specifically though in a text), but I never said, we are done.
She responded back with a really nasty test, in the wee hours of the morning (Sun) and broke up with me via a text message.
Speaks for itself.
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
5,152 posts, read 8,529,163 times
Reputation: 2038
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND
Just like you said it here. Send her this thread. Hopefully others will chime in too. I personay think if someone pus out the daggers when arguing it is a red flag. I might suggest some sort of education or mediation so that you are both on the same page regarding boundaries in arguments. But, as I said...If she was so bad that you are asking for advice, she may not be the One.
I did, I wanted to introduce the problem. She didn't like it at all, but, what's the chances that someone we know would be able to trace it back to us anyway? There's a better chance of being dying in a car crash.
Better that it's finished. I've been with my wife for 13 years. Neither of us have ever raised our voice to the other. We've had a few disagreements, but we've never "fought".
Same with my late wife before her. If we didn't agree on something, we talked it through and arrived at a solution acceptable to both of us.
Screaming or name calling is not what reasonable adults do to those they respect. I'd have ended the relationship the first time childish behavior erupted. Ended. No excuses. No second chances for that.
I say really care for, however, it may be even love on my part. I've only have dated her for just under 3 months, so that's why I'm hesitant to call it that. She however, has used that term (love and in love) towards me.
Seems she really doesn't mean it though, sadly, she's not that young, I'm in my late 40's. She's in her early 50's, old enough, where you think one would know better, especially if one has raised daughters.
We've hit if off very well, but, the few times, we've had disagreements, including a major argument last night, she really gets verbally nasty and I can't be (or wouldn't be thrilled about) being in a long term relationship with someone who does that.
It's like, 2 hockey players, agreeing to fight, and then one has the other one on the ice, but instead of ending it, like the "code" says, just keeps on punching them.
I can handle smoking (as long as one doesn't smell like smoke), I can handle not have 1 thing in common that we are both very passionate about (even though we have several things in common that we like to do), but I can't deal with one who doesn't argue or fight fair.
If you wouldn't say it to your kid or your parent, then don't say it to your SO.
The issue is though, I have deep feelings for her and even though it's just been 3 months, there's been enough invested in it, where I don't want to toss it (some may say, it's been only 3 months, cut your losses and go).
How can I as gentle as possible, say I won't tolerate, at least long term, one who doesn't fight fair?
I don't know far in your life you are with your experiences in relationships, but, this old gal can, easily and confidently, tell you that respect is absolutely a must if your relationship has any hope of surviving long term. You already have caution alarms going off that are telling you to question this relationship her because of her lack of respect for you. So, boom, one thing that is a must and already a problem. You basically have 3 choices.
1) You can, do nothing, and just take this from her until she makes you MAD enough to dump her. A short term relationship, doomed from the start.
2) You can try to teach her how to treat you with repect. Is she teachable, or is she interested in even trying? Do you want to work at it with her? ( She may expect you to just accept this from her because that's just how she is)
3) You can demand that she treat you with respect, and the very next time she shoots her mouth off at you, tell her to take a long walk off a short pier and be done with her junk. Cut your losses. It could get really ugly later.
You're only 3 months into this, and already serious respect issues. Look deep before you leap with this one.
you don't acknowledge their actions and only speak to the truths and specifics of the matter in question.
acknowledging bad behavior just breeds more and wont get anything solved. its also the reason "people never learn" because other people argue back in a vain attempt to show them who is right and get caught up in it themselves.
all this said, if you are already having these issues in a relationship dont expect them to get any better. its a slow curve for people who act on impulse and emotion to think things out when distressed
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