Death & relationships. Could a death be the end of a good relationship? (wife, how to)
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Can a friend/family member’s death affect someone's relationship in a negative manner? When my ex wife's grandfather passed away she blamed myself & my mom because we told her that he would be OK.
My mom's a nurse & it was an out patient surgery. I seen many good relationships end because of a death.
Anyone else experience this? Or know anyone that has?
Oh, yeah, it can be! People blame themselves and go into severe grief or depression. They may withdraw from others, they blame others ... all sorts of things. A friend or family member passing can really effect someone in a severe way and they may not even realize it while it's happening.
Yes. For once lots of people do not know how to deal with someone's death in the family. They don't know how to console, how and when to say the right words. They feel lost and even if the death do not affect them directly, they just don't know how to act.
Secondly, people directly affected with the death often try to blame others. This is the way they console themselves, shift the "guilt" feelings. Some are delusional and do not want to face the possibility of someones death. They are in denial, and this sparks a lots of tension and misunderstandings in a relationship.
Can a friend/family member’s death affect someone's relationship in a negative manner? When my ex wife's grandfather passed away she blamed myself & my mom because we told her that he would be OK.
My mom's a nurse & it was an out patient surgery. I seen many good relationships end because of a death.
Anyone else experience this? Or know anyone that has?
Well it sounds like you all were consoling her, which to me, is a good thing.
While none of us knows if we or anyone else will take another breath in this life, it is not either of your fault that he did not make it.
I have seen family relationships become strained due to a death but as of yet, not a relationship between a man and a wife, etc.
I imagine it can happen.... Is that the excuse she used for not wanting to be together anymore?
I could see it happening. When my MIL died, there was always tension from my wife on the anniversary of her death. It felt worse because she died on my father's birthday. For years, she'd comment about it (i.e., celebrating my father's birthday on a sad day for her). I can see where it could have led to divorce. Things got better after a few years and the association completely stopped after my father's death.
A very high percentage of married couples divorce after a period of time after the death of a child. I always found this odd, until it happened to my brother and his wife and my nephew. I spent some time visiting them almost a year after my nephew's death and it just seemed like they both just checked out from one another in different ways. I understood it more in that it is extremely difficult to comfort another person when you, yourself, are grieving over the same thing at the same depth. What I started out thinking would bring a couple closer together I am watching it tear two people apart.
My SIL was close in age and best friends with her cousin. I've had a few run ins with her cousin and she has to make everything about her. She lived with my SIL and brother off and on as she needed as well. After my nephew's death, the cousin told my SIL, or should say yelled, "You are an awful mother and it's your fault he's dead." MY GOD!!! She's a terrific mother and even if you don't think so you don't say that to someone 3 days after the death of someone's kid. They haven't spoken since. The cousin won't take her calls, blocked her from Facebook ect even after a year. It hurts her so badly and I feel bad for her even though I think her cousin is an idiot.
Death of a young child very often will end a marriage. I guess they end up blaming the other one???????
Sometimes, but most cases it's the weight of the grief on each other and little left over to comfort each other when you are trying to hold yourself togther. In my family's case, they don't blame each other they each blame themselves, but not each other.
It can affect affection and sex between a couple as my SIL put it - I get horrified at the thought of feeling good.
OP - Maybe some grief counselling is in order. It seems like as some have said, there is a shift of 'blame' (a grief reaction) onto you and your wife needs to 'own' this stuff herself and realise this is what she is doing. I would suggest looking into EFT which deals with emotional issues and you do not have to relate the 'issue' you are facing for it to be effective. It may help to reduce the intense feelings of grief which she is feeling and also the anger and resentment you are feeling towards her reaction to you. Best wishes.
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