Should the guy pay? Or should I split the bill (date, girl)
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If you are earning more then him and then why are you hesitant at paying? This is selfish behavior IMO.
If you are NOT willing to contribute in this relationship then end it. Contribution isn't just emotional but also financial.
The financially stronger partner/spouse should logically bear more financial responsibility in a relationship.
At minimum; don't overpay and don't underpay.
Good luck.
This mindset that a "man should always pay" doesn't sounds right to me unless the man is the sole provider in a relationship. This was a perk of patriarchy. Culture is different now.
I dont think this is a "man should always pay". They have dated 2 months and he invited her to fly out to visit his family. Im assuming because he wants her to meet his family.
If you are earning more then him and then why are you hesitant at paying? This is selfish behavior IMO.
If you are NOT willing to contribute in this relationship then end it. Contribution isn't just emotional but also financial.
The financially stronger partner/spouse should logically bear more financial responsibility in a relationship.
At minimum; don't overpay and don't underpay.
Good luck.
This mindset that a "man should always pay" doesn't sounds right to me unless the man is the sole provider in a relationship. This was a perk of patriarchy. Culture is different now.
The part I bolded above, I don't believe would apply to someone you've been dating for two months. Yo do what you can afford, and you don't offer to do things you can't afford to do, in the hopes that the higher earner will always pick up the tab.
Personally, I wouldn't invite someone on a trip like this so soon in a relationship. I think she should pay her own airfare at least.
I dont think this is a "man should always pay". They have dated 2 months and he invited her to fly out to visit his family. Im assuming because he wants her to meet his family.
OP accepted to be the girlfriend of this guy during the dating period. After OP's affirmation, the guy is willing to step-up the relationship. So logically, commitment is in effect here.
So I don't get the hesitancy in financial contribution after all this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
The part I bolded above, I don't believe would apply to someone you've been dating for two months. Yo do what you can afford, and you don't offer to do things you can't afford to do, in the hopes that the higher earner will always pick up the tab.
Personally, I wouldn't invite someone on a trip like this so soon in a relationship. I think she should pay her own airfare at least.
You conveniently overlooked this revelation:
"So I've been dating some guy for 2 months, we're getting alone pretty well, he asked me to be his gf which I said yes."
So I've been dating some guy for 2 months, we're getting alone pretty well, he asked me to be his gf which I said yes.
So he got a party invitation from his relative for thanksgiving, he invited me to go with him so I can meet his relatives. The party is in southern ca so we have to fly and get a hotel while stay there.
Here's the delima, in my past dating experience, the guys who do the ask always pay. But this guy is a phd student in his 40's....I feel like I should offer to split the bill since he only does part time job. But on the other hand, I feel weird about paying....i swear I'm not being cheap.
What do you guys say?
I've never heard a woman who is a dating a man, who she agrees to be his gf as, "some guy".
After only 2 months of "getting along pretty well", I think it's a big step to fly out to meet someone's family. If you really want to go and you're feeling this relationship is long term then buck up and pay for your share of the air fare AND the hotel. If you were not going with him he might not stay in a hotel and stay with family. I'm really not understanding the protocol lately with all this "who pays". I never had a problem offering to pay a share of anything or even treat my husband when we were dating. In the beginning he always refused but eventually gave in and would let me pay. When we travelled to visit his family before we got married I never even thought twice about paying for my expenses.
If you feel that strange about paying then just don't go until you are more comfortable in your relationship. Only 2 months in I doubt I would really want to spend the holiday with his family yet anyway. YOUR CHOICE what to do.
OP accepted to be the girlfriend of this guy during the dating period. After OP's affirmation, the guy is willing to step-up the relationship. So logically, commitment is in effect here.
So I don't get the hesitancy in financial contribution after all this.
I guess we just have different perspectives. Dating 2 months, and I want to assume that becoming his girlfriend means they are now exclusive and not dating other people, to me is not a great level of committment. They are still early in there relationship and wanting your gf to meet your family is not necessarily stepping up the relationship. But thats just me.
It just really depends on the situation. After dating about 5 months my bf wanted me to go out of state to his family reunion. I really didnt want to go but he almost insisted and I did to make him happy. We drove and stayed with a relative, but I certainly did not feel obligated to pay for the gas or any expenses related to travel. I definately would have footed the bill to pay for a hotel instead of staying with the relatives tho.
I'd certainly offer to pay my share of everything - especially if you can afford it and he is more strapped monetarily. I think that when someone asks you to accompany them on a trip to see their own family - they usually offer to pay if they can afford it. But not everyone is the same.
I guess we just have different perspectives. Dating 2 months, and I want to assume that becoming his girlfriend means they are now exclusive and not dating other people, to me is not a great level of committment. They are still early in there relationship and wanting your gf to meet your family is not necessarily stepping up the relationship. But thats just me.
Actually when a man wants to introduce a woman to his family; this is clear-cut sign from the man that he is willing to step-up the relationship. Take this from me as a hint on male psyche in general.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares
It just really depends on the situation. After dating about 5 months my bf wanted me to go out of state to his family reunion. I really didnt want to go but he almost insisted and I did to make him happy. We drove and stayed with a relative, but I certainly did not feel obligated to pay for the gas or any expenses related to travel. I definately would have footed the bill to pay for a hotel instead of staying with the relatives tho.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Maybe OP needs to give more time to her relationship until she feels comfortable enough to contribute in it financially as well. Otherwise, this defeats the purpose of her commitment. Her hesitancy would have been valid if she was not earning or the guy was rich.
I agree with the situation part but I also focus at the financial status of a person.
I do take offence at the mindset of "man should always pay". The days when men used to be the sole financial providers in a 'committed relationship' are gone and women need to adapt accordingly.
Their is a reason behind this; if a person shows hesitancy early on - it is possible that the same person may contribute in the long run half-heartedly or remain penny pincher. This does not holds true for every individual but this possibility cannot be overlooked. And to me, this hesitation defeats the purpose of commitment.
Commitment comes from both partners involved and not just one.
I personally would financially contribute in my relationship, if I get in one; and I will do this without second thoughts to honor my commitment. But If my partner will show little understanding of my financial constraints and needs then this would be a red flag for me. I cannot get along with selfishness.
Last edited by LeGenDary_Man; 11-13-2012 at 11:52 AM..
The guy I'm dating and I split it every single time. Occasionally he will pick it up or I will pick it up, occasionally I will. We make the same amount of money so why not?
Yes, this is exactly how it worked with me. My husband and I dated for 8 years, and it was very two-sided in terms of expenses. We have now been married for 6 years, and still do it the exact same way, as we never combined bank accounts.
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