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If someone generally lives life contrary to the "norms" of society (in one or several aspects), or are usually doing things/ behaving in ways that would be considered awkward or odd, and then they find love (or at least think they have) and begin to act more 'normal', but then lose it, is it common for a person to revert back to their perverse ways?
Maybe because they don't feel like they are good enough? Perhaps the perversion was born out of that?
Example? Ok, let's go with sexual perversion.
I hope I don't confuse anyone and that you will get the gist of what I am saying. Like having someone to love you inspires you to shed abnormal attitudes/behaviors, even if for a time, even if just a little, and then when you don't have that love anymore, you're back to your old ways again.
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Depends on what you mean by perversion.
It would be hard to separate cause and effect to. Is it the tendency toward perversion that hinders the finding of love? Or vice versa?
Much was made of this with the Catholic Priest abuse scandal. Was the vows of chastity pushing priests toward perversion, or were people with this tendency going into the priesthood. I'm not sure there has ever been any answer to this.
Love for me makes me a better version of myself, not a totally different being.
So..."bad" habits would likely reappear, esp. if losing your love causes overwhelming heartache.
I am a widow. I cared for my husband when he was dying from cancer. I used to take care of myself but lost interest, like I had no reason to go the doctor, dress nice, etc. plus I was just exhausted from working full time and caring for him. I used to eat healthy but didnt care and started smoking to cope with the depression and rage of losing my future. Not having a good influence had an effect but it was more depression and grief. When you lose a love, no matter the reason, it like a death on some levels.
It took awhile to choose things for MYSELF vs another person.
As far as sexual perversion, no matter the deviance there are a bazillion ppl out there who share it. It likely is better to find a partner into the same thing.
As far as sexual perversion, no matter the deviance there are a bazillion ppl out there who share it. It likely is better to find a partner into the same thing.
That may well be but it seems that polite society has little or no language for talking about sex at all let alone advanced stuff like kink or deviance. You have specialist websites that can help get people that share the same things sexually but I haven't found that you can also get someone that deals well with the everyday hum drum of life. I always wonder when viewing the exploits of a couple that are clearly way out there... how did they meet... especially when they are also revealed to be very human and able to run at normal household speed much of the time. But... to the o.p. ... I would think it a given that losing a love might cause one to revert to behaviors that comforted that person before they had that love to fill that hole in most of us that love .... companionship.... fills.
That may well be but it seems that polite society has little or no language for talking about sex at all let alone advanced stuff like kink or deviance. You have specialist websites that can help get people that share the same things sexually but I haven't found that you can also get someone that deals well with the everyday hum drum of life. I always wonder when viewing the exploits of a couple that are clearly way out there... how did they meet... especially when they are also revealed to be very human and able to run at normal household speed much of the time.
Yeah, I wonder that too, how do they meet and get out there what they are into?
"Pervy" ppl in my experience are less sexually judgmental about my own stuff so I'm much more likely to openly share it and hope there is a click. (my stuff is banal though, wont scare anyone off LOL)
Potentially an interesting topic. "sexual perversion" is very broad, I would say redundant. I think you need to give a more specific scenario. But ultimately I think the answer is going to boil down to "it depends". Or maybe it will be a psychology question.
If someone generally lives life contrary to the "norms" of society (in one or several aspects), or are usually doing things/ behaving in ways that would be considered awkward or odd, and then they find love (or at least think they have) and begin to act more 'normal', but then lose it, is it common for a person to revert back to their perverse ways?
Maybe because they don't feel like they are good enough? Perhaps the perversion was born out of that?
Example? Ok, let's go with sexual perversion.
I hope I don't confuse anyone and that you will get the gist of what I am saying. Like having someone to love you inspires you to shed abnormal attitudes/behaviors, even if for a time, even if just a little, and then when you don't have that love anymore, you're back to your old ways again.
SO ... you're asking, "If a pervert 'finds love' and somehow drops the perverted ways, would they revert to being a pervert upon breaking up with their SO"?
Not really something I've ever worried about before.
I would think that in order to truly find love they would link themselves to someone else who shared their perversion, since I don't believe you can truly love if you're not being your true self.
If someone generally lives life contrary to the "norms" of society (in one or several aspects), or are usually doing things/ behaving in ways that would be considered awkward or odd, and then they find love (or at least think they have) and begin to act more 'normal', but then lose it, is it common for a person to revert back to their perverse ways?
Maybe because they don't feel like they are good enough? Perhaps the perversion was born out of that?
Example? Ok, let's go with sexual perversion.
I hope I don't confuse anyone and that you will get the gist of what I am saying. Like having someone to love you inspires you to shed abnormal attitudes/behaviors, even if for a time, even if just a little, and then when you don't have that love anymore, you're back to your old ways again.
I think that is an interesting idea. I personally can't speak for anyone on this matter. I do figure that some people do change something that they feel does not fit into their new lifestyle of being in a relationship. Then some people may revert back to that old lifestyle when they lose that person. But it could be hard for some people to go back if the change was genuine.
I'm not sure I make sense here. Before I met one of the women in my life for instance, I wanted the wild woman who would be prone to beating the life out of me. Then I met someone who was so sweet and gentile and at the same time, she wanted me...and still does.
If I lost her, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I don't see going back to chasing the violent lady.
Of course I could go into the mindset behind that, but maybe at a later time.
It would be hard to separate cause and effect to. Is it the tendency toward perversion that hinders the finding of love? Or vice versa?
Much was made of this with the Catholic Priest abuse scandal. Was the vows of chastity pushing priests toward perversion, or were people with this tendency going into the priesthood. I'm not sure there has ever been any answer to this.
There's probably no either-or answer in this case. I'd say that it is possible that some people with perverted tendencies go into priesthood while vows of chastity could push others towards perversion...
I am a cynic, I don't believe that someone could so easily and completely 'go vanilla' and not feel the urge to descend back down into their prior ways.
What does 'time' or the 'presence of a LTR' have to do with it? Is the devil in your subconscious mind, holding the rest of you hostage? Saying if you screw up the LTR, I'm gonna take you back to your old, perverted ways? (some undesirable state).
Practically, it may be best to find someone who trusts, accepts, and shares, as in has an identical or complementary perversion. The best example I can think of, is say the woman is an exhibitionist, and her man is a voyeur. That relationship seems like it would 'work' more long-term, than one where one person is truly vanilla, and the other clutches their rosary beads and prays for the grace to be a 'better version of myself', all the while having feverish dreams about their former (now repressed) lifestyle.
There are some perversions that are completely totally unacceptable (as in you go to jail, dont ever talk to me again), and some that your partner might just smirk and say, okwhatever nobiggie... I can help you out with that.
Still a very interesting case.
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