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Oh before anyone says I am contradicting myself about the guy I like I am not. He only thinks he is ugly, etc but in reality he is average, average weight (not obese but not 6 pack abs)and an average guy.
NW Girl, I too have those little demons. I don't think they come from a time when I was ugly in my youth, but rather from my depression, but the end result is roughly similar, and very disruptive. There's always a little voice in your head, lurking in the corners, saying things like "You're not good enough," or "She's far above you, forget about it," and other things like that. And it's not like schizophrenia where it's literally another voice, in this case it's your own voice. It's taken me years of cognitive therapy to recognize those thoughts and attempt to quash them the minute they rear their ugly head. It's still not foolproof of course, I still have bad days when the thoughts are stronger than my will, but generally speaking if you tenaciously ignore or decry those thoughts you will be more outwardly confident.
In this case, it didn't help was in a "vintage" early 1980's style bridesmaid dress with a lot of sparkly silver eye shadow.
After my husband died, I sought counseling-that was just not something I could get through on my own. His death took a huge toll on my self-esteem, which is common. Now I'm in the process of trying to build myself back up-intellectually, I'm there; emotionally, not quite.
Absolutely... not only is she not that hot, but she was a b*tch about it. She wasn't even polite.
If a gorgeous woman turned me down, and she was nice about it, it would still hurt but i'd sort of expect it. That's just life. But yea, getting shot down by a mediocre-looking woman, and so rudely! Like she really wanted to crush me. Not fun. That's the kind of stuff that can make men have negative attitudes toward women.
But what if a gorgeous woman turned you down as rudely as you said average women do. Would you still be so willing to get over it?
Absolutely... not only is she not that hot, but she was a b*tch about it. She wasn't even polite.
If a gorgeous woman turned me down, and she was nice about it, it would still hurt but i'd sort of expect it. That's just life. But yea, getting shot down by a mediocre-looking woman, and so rudely! Like she really wanted to crush me. Not fun. That's the kind of stuff that can make men have negative attitudes toward women.
Seriously - can you tell us what actually happened?
For instance - a guy that hit on me one time could technically claim that he told me I had a nice smile and I told him that I wasn't interested in him and never would be. Well, technically that would be correct. But what he would have left out would have been a 15 minute conversation in which I thanked him, then he started hitting on me, I told him I had a boyfriend, he proceeded to give me his number and make me repeat it back to me, he kept telling me that I would call him, I kept telling him that I had a boyfriend and that I wouldn't be calling him, and on and on.
So perhaps if you tell us exactly what you are saying to these women that are reacting so harshly to you - we might be able to help you and shed some light on the issue.
You - why don't you ask me out
Him - I have no self esteem and think you'll say no
You - ?
What did you say? Did you say, well I am interested, so let's go?
I said I can see you are intimidated by me and he said he was because why would someone like me want to date him. I said I am interested and there is nothing to worry about. He then smiled and said I'll talk to you when we see this weekend.
I'll tell you one thing, if you are used to being ugly, it is going to feel like the twilight zone if somehow you become "good looking." I personally wasn't prepared for such a change in behavior.
I'm not done with my improvements. If I am diligent, I can really shine at the first of next year.
I know exactly what you're talking about here. I was the ugly girl in school--boys used to tell me that all the time and I had pimples and braces and dorky clothes, but seemingly overnight things changed and I got my braces off at the same time my complexion was clearing and I got a job so I could buy my own clothes and the first few times I got asked out I thought it was a joke and practically spit in their face--I had visions of the movie Carrie going thru my head I think.
But then I realized that all those boys were not joking and I had some fun the next few years though I certainly could have used some parental guidance. One thing I was not was mean to boys b/c I knew how it had felt to me.
I don't know how many folks are misguided about their looks but I've heard several people say, and quite sincerely, that they know they look younger than their age and the fact is that none of them do. Not really. I know one guy whose age I never would have guessed but he didn't say he thinks he looks younger. Me? I've been mistaken for 10 years up and 10 years down so I'm pretty humble about it and I figure I look my age.
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