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I don't have one really bad secret. Obviously there are things that I wouldn't tell a SO until we were really really close...actually there is one thing I did when I was young that I'm really ashamed of and I probably would never tell anyone else. I think you reveal personal details about yourself over time once trust is established. Plus it would be weird to spill your guts about anything and everything after a short time.
I don't think I have a secret that NO ONE knows...but there are some that only certain people know--and they are not all the same people or the same secrets, if that makes sense...
Reed, how long have you known thiis woman? It seems odd that she would ask you that, knowing full well that you would follow up with the same question to her. Then she refuses to answer and cries and cries.
I bet your interest is piqued and she is the center of your attention again, right?
Have you noticed these signs of emotional manipulation in her before?
For some reason, OP's post read like she did answer, eventually.
You also have to be careful of that too. If its something your torn about telling or not telling your SO, your SO could start to think of what it may be. They could start to think of all horrible things when in reality the secret may not be that bad.
I agree with you but there might be something that can affect the two of you as a couple then yeah I think you should. I told my Gf that I didn't want to know unless she wanted to tell me but I did say IF this is something that could possibly bite us in the arse down the road I would like to know. I would rather know & deal with it now then have it pop up 10 years from now.
Makes sense.
We can DEAL with a lot of things, but I'm sure we all have standards that can not be compromised regardless of when or how the secret is revealed.
Last edited by Raging-Hetero; 11-27-2012 at 12:40 PM..
I agree with you but there might be something that can affect the two of you as a couple then yeah I think you should. I told my Gf that I didn't want to know unless she wanted to tell me but I did say IF this is something that could possibly bite us in the arse down the road I would like to know. I would rather know & deal with it now then have it pop up 10 years from now.
It's my belief that if you're in a couple, then you're a team. If the secret has an impact on who you are today as an individual, it will impact the team so yes, it absolutely should be divulged. I agree with you - that wasn't clear in my original post though I had intended for it to be.
Reed, how long have you known thiis woman? It seems odd that she would ask you that, knowing full well that you would follow up with the same question to her. Then she refuses to answer and cries and cries.
Have you noticed these signs of emotional manipulation in her before?
As I said in my OP she did tell me so it's all good. Sorry I guess I didn't make that so clear in my OP. It wasn't all that bad in my opnion but we all have different degress of what's bad if I would of found out some other way down the road I would of reacted the same. I wanted her to be able to trust me with this secret of hers but I only wanted her to share it with me IF she wanted too. In the end I think she wanted to because she felt like she could trust me not to judge her.
No, wrong. When your gf brought up the whole subject of harboring andy personal secrets it didn't mean she trusted you did so cuz she trusted you. (But, she might.) It simply meant that, deep down inside, she wants to confess hers to you. that's why the crying. It wasn't a spontaneous thing. You gotta know women; this conversation was all planned-out.
I bet you a dollar she'll sit you down and tell you her deep dark secret with a week or so.
I have many secrets - a very few are mine and a lot belong to other people. People tell me things. I won't ever tell a significant other any of them. I'm largely an open book, but I've got a very well-defined wall about the stuff I won't be telling anyone, not even a partner. In most cases, ESPECIALLY not a partner. If things went sour, they could use those secrets to harm people I care about.
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For some reason, OP's post read like she did answer, eventually.
Sorry I guess I didn't make that so clear in my OP. It wasn't all that bad in my opnion but we all have different degress of what's bad if I would of found out some other way down the road I would of reacted the same. I wanted her to be able to trust me with this secret of hers but I only wanted her to share it with me IF she wanted too. In the end I think she wanted to because she felt like she could trust me not to judge her.
