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You're basically living with your father. Make some New Year's resolutions and get with it.
Creepy as it may sound, it feels like that sometimes… I go to parties alone and he kisses me goodbye at the door, then there is of course his remarks on how I dress sometimes. I don’t dress scantily clad, but I like to show a little skin. I have a good body that I work hard for.
If he "worships" you so much and you sleep in the same bed, why nothing happened in over a year?
The sex stuff is my fault.
He has been telling me since we first got together that he is going to lose weight, even shown me countless photos of the body he used to have when he was younger (he used to be into bodybuilding). I believed him in the beginning, especially because he wasn’t that big, more muscly than anything.
Then he started to really let himself go… and I began to reject his advances.
Try as I may, I just didn’t find myself physically attracted to him anymore. I think he just gave up trying. I didn’t handle it well, I know that. Heck I have probably even contributed a lot to his eating.
I was recently involved in a relationship as the younger partner (10 years younger than my ex) and now am the "older" partner (12 years older than my SO). I have more empathy for some of the frustrations I had as the younger partner and recognize that I may be guilty of the very same things that drove me crazy now that my mate is younger than me.
My big worry is a vain one. I look younger than I am, but I wonder how long it will hold out. And I am dating a man, who may not be as forgiving about looks as the OP seems to have been (what gay guy do you know who will put up with a year of no sex?) I certainly have not let myself go, but I wonder when my religious caretaking will not be enough.
I have been with my man for 9 years. I am 30 and he is 50.
At the beginning of our relationship things were wonderful – one of the things that attracted me to him the most was that he didn’t act his age (in a good way!).
As the years have gone on he has started to slow down a bit… in terms of going out for big drinks nights with friends he’s decided he is “over it” and “sick of being hungover”, so I go to most things alone. He seems antisocial and doesn’t want to do much at all these days. Anything I suggest to him always comes with a problem – “it’s too far”, “it’s too much”, “it’s too hot” etc etc…
He is very overweight and despite promises to lose the weight, has never done so. I have of course tried to help him but I am called a “nag” and told that he’ll do it in his own time… this results in me spending days at the beach alone because he is too self conscious about his body. As lovely a person as he is this also means my physical attraction to him is waning. We haven’t had sex in over a year.
When he was younger he spent money like it grew on trees – on motorbikes, nights out, holidays… then when he reached his mid 30’s he started to panic that he was the only one of his friends who didn’t own his own home, and so he began saving. I met him shortly after this.
I am passionate about travelling whereas he doesn’t seem to share the same passion. By the time I was 30 I thought I would have travelled the world 3 times over. Even lived in another country for a year or so! But of course it hasn’t happened, and because he is so desperate to save for a home he’s very tight with his money. Our money.
While I’m aware owning a home is important, I want to travel more. I want more adventure.
I often feel like his daughter rather than his partner – he used to comment on things I’d wear, sometimes telling me that it is disrespectful to him. He doesn’t do it so much nowadays but it still happens.
I don’t know what to do. Despite all this I have never been treated better by a man in my life. He absolutely adores me and I love spending time with him too. But I feel like I’m wasting the best years of my life…
I asked this question on another website and was called self centred… am I wrong to want to do what makes me happy in life? Isn’t the saying “a wasted life is the saddest form of suicide”?
So, if my math serves me, hubby was 41 and you were 21 when you married.
I'm guessing you are from a home where there was no Daddy figure around.
So with your Daddy Issues firmly in place, and a raging desire to leave your home, replete perhaps with some squabbling younger siblings? And maybe an unwed mommy and a baby in the mix--you married this guy because he offered a way out and some financial security. You could have the best of both worlds: a loving hubby with a dash of surrogate Daddy tossed in.
Now he's older and slower and fatter and doesn't rock your boat like before and you haven't had a non self-induced orgasm since W was in the White House.
Sorry dolly: ya made your own bed; and I think dat now ya gotta lie in it.
So, if my math serves me, hubby was 41 and you were 21 when you married.
I'm guessing you are from a home where there was no Daddy figure around.
So with your Daddy Issues firmly in place, and a raging desire to leave your home, replete perhaps with some squabbling younger siblings? And maybe an unwed mommy and a baby in the mix--you married this guy because he offered a way out and some financial security. You could have the best of both worlds: a loving hubby with a dash of surrogate Daddy tossed in.
Now he's older and slower and fatter and doesn't rock your boat like before and you haven't had a non self-induced orgasm since W was in the White House.
Sorry dolly: ya made your own bed; and I think dat now ya gotta lie in it.
First of all, we’re not married (by choice – yes believe it or not some women don’t actually want a diamond ring and a big white dress, too much hassle).
Secondly, I grew up in a home where my dad was very present. My parents are still happily married.
I ended up with my boyfriend because he made me laugh. Because in the beginning he didn’t act his age. Because he still enjoyed life. Because he still had passion.
I’ve never asked for anything from him. Not once have I borrowed money or even asked for a favour. My parents taught me to start saving when I was very young. I’ll never forget my excitement when I got to spend the first $10 I had saved all by myself.
He has been telling me since we first got together that he is going to lose weight, even shown me countless photos of the body he used to have when he was younger (he used to be into bodybuilding). I believed him in the beginning, especially because he wasn’t that big, more muscly than anything.
Then he started to really let himself go… and I began to reject his advances.
Try as I may, I just didn’t find myself physically attracted to him anymore. I think he just gave up trying. I didn’t handle it well, I know that. Heck I have probably even contributed a lot to his eating.
Easy. You can take the initiative and initiate the advances. Fixed!
How can you have no attraction to this guy you loved for so long?
You had the attraction, right? Some fat here and there can be sexy. Something about cushion for the pushing.
Well, now comes the hard part… something I have realised recently but still find hard to admit to myself.
I don’t think I ever was attracted to him.
When we met I was going through a very rough time with an ex boyfriend who couldn’t come to terms with our breakup. The ex boyfriend turned everyone against me. Police were involved. I was drunk and depressed every night. It was awful.
He was pretty much the only person on my “side” and we became very close. Before I knew it our relationship had become physical and next thing I knew I had moved in with him. It all happened just like that - SO quickly, it’s a total blur. I was swept up in the excitement of dating a sweet, wise older man – one that EVERYONE loved on MY arm - after years of dealing with BOYS.
Even in the beginning although quite enjoyable once we got going, the sex also felt forced - almost like rather than doing it with him because I wanted to, I was doing it because I felt indebted to him for all he’d done for me during the difficult times. I know, I know, this sounds sick and it’s not fair on either of us.
8 years later, here I still am. I love his companionship when things are good… but that’s pretty much it. I have changed completely and so has he – but not in a good way. If we didn’t live together I probably would have ended it a long time ago. The thought of having to pack all my stuff up in front of him (and I have a LOT of it) and find a new place to live, leaving him renting on his own at 50 years old, makes me feel sick.
I know it’s all very confusing – first I say I’m not attracted to him anymore, then I say I never was…. I don’t know. It’s been so long since we’ve had a healthy sex life that I can’t even work out what I feel anymore.
Last edited by Pena; 12-06-2012 at 09:48 PM..
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