Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Okay, just weigh in on what you think. This is something that is happening to a friend, and I want opinions.
Friend is married and got a job offer to a city in which she has always wanted to live. Like ALWAYS wanted to live. She is excited and wants to take the job. She made no secret about applying or wanting to live in this city. Husband did not express any objections on the front end. (No kids, no house to sell, etc.)
Husband now objects to moving in general. He has lived in the same place for the last 13 years. He moved a lot as a kid and does not like it. His job is relocatable, but he is not interested in relocating anywhere.
My friend has asked him to compromise so that she can finally live where she has always wanted to go. She has asked him to specify a time frame (a year, two years, etc.) that he would be willing to live in this new place. His response is that he does not like the climate. The climate in the new city is not appreciably different than the climate where he currently is. He refuses to move unless he can sit inside in air conditioned comfort and not work due to the climate.
Friend is devastated. She actually makes a little more than the husband, and the move wouldn't be bad for her career. Friend is considering taking the job anyway and spending some time apart.
I think if he had issues, he should have raised them before she applied for a job there. Now, he's being selfish. In their circumstances, she should move on her own - he will decide whether the relationship is worth the move, but needs the incentive to make up his mind.
Well, on one hand, if the move isn't good for both, it isn't good for either.
On the other hand, shame on him for not being candid on the front end. And if it is just about the fact that he doesn't want to move, then he really needs to understand what he's costing this woman in terms of what she wants in life.
However, I think separating is a really bad idea. If you're going to move out, then move out permanently.
When I first heard this i thought, "really? you are going to use the weather as an excuse to end your marriage? Come on!"
I am sort of annoyed at the Husband in question as he doesn't seem to value his relationship enough to make the move. It would seem that his need to be in air conditioning is worth more than the years that they have been together. But this is my opinion and I have keep mum listening to both sides.
I agree. Why didn't he say something when she applied for the job? He let her apply knowing he would say no if she got it? That sucks. Situations like these aren't easy. If she stays for him she will probably be resentful. If he goes for her when he doesn't want to, then he will be resentful. It sounds like he's being really selfish.
I think if he had issues, he should have raised them before she applied for a job there. Now, he's being selfish. In their circumstances, she should move on her own - he will decide whether the relationship is worth the move, but needs the incentive to make up his mind.
As others have said, he should have expressed his reservations before she applied. As far as she knew, there was nothing stopping them from moving.
Now apparently his sweaty butt is more important than her career and their combined financial well-being.
He might be feeling threatened. You said she makes a little bit more than he does, and this would be good for her career. Sometimes men have issues with a woman's career being more lucrative or moving along better than theirs. Not saying that's right, but the weather is just an excuse. I don't think his statements about moving around hold much water, either, if he has been in the same area for 13 years.
He is a person who never expresses his opinion until after the fact. Passive aggressive, I would say.
Case in point, his birthday years ago. She asked him what he wanted and we planned a party after he gave no feedback. Went out to a nice place, had great food, suprised him by inviting friends he hadn't seen in a while.
Afterward, she said "well, did you have a good birthday?"
He shrugged and complained that the menu wasn't exactly what he would choose.
The guy has other redeeming qualities, but I have seen him undermine lots of things she has tried to do to make him happy. This job offer is the first opportunity I have seen her have when she can do something she actually wants.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
