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I've been dating my bf for over 1 year now. Since we started dating, he never got me anything except for my bday and xmas.it was flowers for bday and a hundred bucksgift card for xmas, something that didn't have to put any thoughts on and economy.
I got him nicer gifts on those occasions. I also sometime picks up shirts, jeans, sandles for him on non-occasions days. Simply because I thought of him when I saw those stuff.
I just wanted him to get me something more personal ocassionally to show that he cares like i did to him.He said he never got me anything because he didn't know what to get me. So today I saw this cute beach dress and bikini that cost like $100 and asked him to pay for me. he refused and said he felt used when i ask him to pay.
Its the very first time I ever asked him to get me something been together 1 year. Just wanted him to show that he cares for me, it's not something out of his range. He makes over 200k a year.
I don't know if it's cultural difference? Do white people get offended if a gf who buys nice things for you, and ask you once in a year to pay a bikini for her?
I've been dating my bf for over 1 year now. Since we started dating, he never got me anything except for my bday and xmas.it was flowers for bday and a hundred bucksgift card for xmas, something that didn't have to put any thoughts on and economy.
I got him nicer gifts on those occasions. I also sometime picks up shirts, jeans, sandles for him on non-occasions days. Simply because I thought of him when I saw those stuff.
I just wanted him to get me something more personal ocassionally to show that he cares like i did to him.He said he never got me anything because he didn't know what to get me. So today I saw this cute beach dress and bikini that cost like $100 and asked him to pay for me. he refused and said he felt used when i ask him to pay.
Its the very first time I ever asked him to get me something been together 1 year. Just wanted him to show that he cares for me, it's not something out of his range. He makes over 200k a year.
I don't know if it's cultural difference? Do white people get offended if a gf who buys nice things for you, and ask you once in a year to pay a bikini for her?
I don't see anything wrong with it at all! And a gift card is pretty lame btw. No offense but he sounds like a cheap bastard. Making 200k a year he should be hooking you up more often.
Umm, if a woman I was with asked me to buy her a bikini...
Y'all get the idea. For someone making $200k per year a hundred bucks is change. He's being cheap (and needs to actually ask you what you like) and should return the favor out of kindness and appreciation every once in a while.
thanks guys! no offense but just wanted to know if this is how americans(white) people are or it's just him?
Oh no, you are not alone or different than white people. Your story reminds me of the 'cookie sheet fiasco.' I told the guy I was actually living with that I wanted to get cookie sheets to make Christmas cookies. We never got around to doing it - but that's not the worst part. For Christmas that year, he actually got me cookie sheets - FROM A GARAGE SALE! Then, to top it off they still had cookie on them from their previous owner. I didn't know if I supposed to laugh or cry.
You will find, for the most part, most men do not think of doing those little things in kind randomly and often. There are a few out there and in here, but the ratio leans more towards not.
I just wanted him to get me something more personal ocassionally to show that he cares like i did to him.He said he never got me anything because he didn't know what to get me. So today I saw this cute beach dress and bikini that cost like $100 and asked him to pay for me. he refused and said he felt used when i ask him to pay.
Its the very first time I ever asked him to get me something been together 1 year. Just wanted him to show that he cares for me, it's not something out of his range. He makes over 200k a year.
To some degree, I think men tend to think less about these things than women. Obviously you'll find some variation. Some women aren't the best at choosing gifts either and some men are super-thoughtful. But it's possible that you're interpreting this as "he doesn't care" when in fact, the true sentiment is that he doesn't know what you really want on established holidays where he has to get something.
For the paying for $100 worth of bikini and dress thing, I guess that just comes across as an awkward moment to me. I can't imagine going shopping then expecting someone else to pay for it unless they had instructed me in advance that they were going to pay for this shopping trip. Even if it's chump change to him, maybe he worried this was going to become a pattern where you expected to go shopping and have him pull out the credit card. He's the BF, not the husband. I can understand why he felt "used." No matter how much money he makes, it's his decision how to spend it, not yours. If you make a lot less than him, he may have concerns about your motivations for dating him. Now, that may not be what was going through your mind, but you both may be misinterpreting the others' actions because no one is talking about it.
To me, this seems like a trivial issue. What's more important is whether he shows affection in other areas of the relationship, whether he's a good BF in general, and whether your life goals meet up.
thanks guys! no offense but just wanted to know if this is how americans(white) people are or it's just him?
Yeah, because we blacks don't spend money on each other.
btw: your boyfriend is lame. My girlfriend had a boyfriend exactly the same. He purchased small worthless gifts and she spend money/thought on his. You picked a winner sweetie.
I don't know...to me it is just tacky to ask someone to pay for something, no matter how much you have purchased for that person in the past.
I get where he is coming from...I would have felt used too.
I agree. I would never have come right out and asked for him to buy it for me. Tacky tacky. That said, I would expect him to occasionally just flat out offer, or either just throw down the plastic and say "it's on me!". To not do so, is simply being a cheapskate. Especially if he makes that kind of money!
I found two gorgeous pair of pumps one night, really sexy (but also classy), and I knew my BF would love them (he had complained one time that I had no really "hot" high heels ) so I called him while I was shopping, and told him about them. They were pricey enough that I probably would not have bought them myself, as they really were not heels that I would wear very often (I'm a fairly practical gal). He told me to put them on hold in his name. I laughed and said no - they cost too much...and he insisted. So I did. And the next time I saw him, he gave me a bag with pair in them. I wore them for him, that night.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
How about just looking at YOUR BOYFRIEND as the person he is? The cheap, thoughtless person that he is.
That^^. Exactly that.
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That said, I would expect him to occasionally just flat out offer, or either just throw down the plastic and say "it's on me!". To not do so, is simply being a cheapskate. Especially if he makes that kind of money!
I wore them for him, that night. 
