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Agree. I believe he continued to wait because he was not finished moulding and manipulating her into the perfect image he desired.
I am going with control issues. OP, it is clear you had and still have little respect for this woman as an autonomous individual. She was just a flawed mirror to you.
Or maybe she was just too available to him and he didn't love her so much when he had her. I mean look how much he loves her now that she's gone.
Someone else said it earlier. You don't know what you've got until it's gone. You want what you can't have. Not because you can't have it, but because you can't see the value of it when you have it. You take it for granted when you have it and it's value isn't clear unless it's out of your reach.
Some of your later posts are incredibly insulting to her.
Does the term svengali mean anything to you? It wasn't your job to fix her or mold her. If she had emotional damage from her childhood, you should have been supportive and encouraged her to get professional help. The fact that you went to her MOTHER, the person that was a contributing factor in her difficult childhood, is just bizarre.
The fact that she uprooted her whole life to get away from you is not the pattern of a normal breakup.
After she declined getting back together, that was the point that you should have stopped. The fact that you were that oblivious and thought a ring could fix things, is very immature. The fact that she moved on so quickly, means she stopped being invested in the relationship long before. Was it quick? Maybe, but it was none of your business at that point. It's not as if she cheated. I wouldn't have thought much of her if she had accepted that proposal.
When you love someone unconditionally you only want the best to happen to them. We dreamed a lot about the future together and we had a lot of common goals. Hence why I always motivated and encouraged her in life. I've always made her life easier and made a lot of her dreams reality. Things that she never experienced being a child, we experienced together.
I just got tied up in this mad race of successful career full of stress and ruthless people. All we really had to do was to isolate our lives from all the outside bs, stop shouting and bickering at each other and just have a proper adult conversation. We sure as hell loved each other to bits, but wanted to achieve the same results traveling at different pace without having an open and honest communication. It hurts really bad when it suddenly hits you, but it's all too late.
Well there was one dream and experience you didn't want to experience with her, and that was marriage.
OK, everyone back the F off OP. What is wrong with him not wanting to get tied down for life when he's not 200% sure?
What is wrong is he suddenly changed from someone who wasn't 200% sure he wanted to be tied down for life into someone who is allegedly 300% sure he wants to be tied down for life AFTER his intended captor has met another man.
If she accepted his proposal and left her new guy I wonder if his life would suddenly become unstable again?
I've been dating this girl for almost 6 years. We've been through all the big life moments together and experienced a lot of things together. I was really happy with her and seriously wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. However, we have had issues during the last year or so. She is a very stubborn, impatient and impulsive individual and due to the pressure from her family, she really wanted to get married. She asked me about it several times. Whereas I am a very patient and logical guy that always wanted to go through certain stages in life and surprise her with my proposal. I didn't quite understand her at that time and just wanted to achieve "stability" first, then pop the question.
This hide and seek game continued for over a year. We've had fights over literally the same topic again and again. None of us wanted to give in and compromise. We always managed to make up and have great time together. But I guess it still wasn't what she wanted. I think about it now and understand that perhaps I was a bit selfish for "dragging" the time. But I never wanted to cause any trouble. At that time I honestly wanted to do my best and just achieve this "stability".
3 months ago we had another fight. This time it was very serious. She moved out of her parents house, resigned from her job and moved cities. We still talked and I begged her to change her mind. She wanted only one thing from me, and I simply couldn't do it. I didn't want it to be that impulsive. I then thought it would be good for both of us to have some time away from each other to think about our lives. And I thought pretty damn hard about mine and realized I was wrong.
I then found out she was coming home for Christmas to visit her family. I wanted to just talk to her and explain myself to her. I really wanted us back. But then I found out something that hit me like a ton of bricks - she found another guy. She's been with him for almost 2 months now. I was devastated. I could hardly eat or focus at work. I panicked.
I then asked her to meet and have a normal conversation without saying or doing anything stupid. She said she was happy with the new guy. It all happened really quickly and she is in love with him. She still cares about me but its not love anymore. I explained everything I've done in the past, admitted I was wrong and asked for a second chance. She said no and wanted to give the new guy a fair chance. I then spoke to her mum. Her mum always liked me a lot and has always been on my side. She suggested giving her some time and then talking to her. She really thought the new relationship wouldn't last.
I then had a day to just myself to think. I felt like I was running out of time. I felt like if I didn't do what she always wanted me to do now, it may be too late in the future. I didn't want to live the rest of my life regretting not doing each and every single day. So the next day I bought a ring and proposed to her. When I got the ring, I was honestly the happiest I've been in awhile. I was very confident I was going to succeed. I knew exactly what I was doing. I turned up to her place with flowers and balloons. I wanted to really surprise her and sweep her off her feet. After all, that's exactly what she wanted for quite some time now.
Unfortunately, she said no. She was really surprised and touched. She really wished it happened earlier but it's too late. Her mum was there and she really wanted her to say yes.
Needless to say, I was completely devastated to get a rejection. I'm still finding it really hard to swallow. I still really want her back.
Anyone experienced anything similar in here? Any advice? I really don't want to give up. But at the same time I don't want to do anything that would drive her further away from me. Shall I give her some time? I've always been very faithful to her, and always did things to make her life easier. We honestly have so many great memories together. Can 6 years of amazing life experiences really just vanish and be replaced with someone of just 2 months?
I have been hoping to one day get married too..this is just soooo sad...i truly hope it works out for you guys. If you get back, I suggest you tell her how much you love her and that you never want to let her go
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