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The deathspell for men is shyness. It's impossible to get anywhere as a man if you're even the slightest bit shy
Don't listen to the BS here from the women. They would rather date a guy who is unemployed and overweight but is not shy vs a guy who is a great catch all around but is a little shy
You are a dreamer. Most women (even those working at Wall Mart) wouldn't touch a bubbly, overweight, unemployed guy with a 10 foot pole. How do I know? I asked that question point blank many times over. Employment is very important for a modern woman (past her teenage years). That's a minimum. Then comes the kind of employment and income, then comes education. Humans are hierarchical animals. Only well "adjusted" and employed move up the ladder and bring beacon (or, at least, don't live off your beacon). Sure, there are a few exceptions, as always.
How to get a woman to "date" you is an interesting question. But what if you want to find a woman who likes you as you are +/- and who wouldn't treat you as a home-improvement project? Should you fake an alpha male personality (since these get the most of the women)? I don't want a woman to fake her personality and appearance (even though they almost always do fake it ), why there is so much pressure for a male to appear something he's not? You don't like shy, "not it your face" men? Not a big deal, get in line and hook up with confident and showy guys you like.
The deathspell for men is shyness. It's impossible to get anywhere as a man if you're even the slightest bit shy
Don't listen to the BS here from the women. They would rather date a guy who is unemployed and overweight but is not shy vs a guy who is a great catch all around but is a little shy
hmm . . . that might be pushing it.
The former might get more first dates, however the latter if he could just get past the approaching, asking out, and first date will have more success than the former.
Women will typically give any guy a chance, but to get to date two or three, one has to be at somewhat of a catch.
How many women want to be approached by a total stranger, a man they don't know at all, and asked for a date, just like that? I think very, very few.
Granted, a few venues exist where this type thing of is common--e.g. certain bars and nightclubs, some college parties, etc. But for the most part, this kind of behavior is more likely to cause apprehension than attraction in women.
Yet, many men who ask for advice on how to "approach" women have exactly this is mind. What they really want to know is, "how can I hit on a total stranger out of the blue and quickly make her want to have sex with me?"
Answer: in most situations, that is extremely difficult. For most men, probably near-impossible.
The OP has the right idea, though. You don't ask for the phone number right away. You chat casually with her, and if she responds well, and makes a lot of eye contact and smiles, you keep it going. If you're getting a good response, you can ask her if she'd like to hang out sometime, or if she'd like to go get some coffee. Or you can give her your number. This can work. It's easier than guys think. One of our members had a guy ask her about yogurt recommendations in the dairy aisle in the grocery store, and he got her number from that, and they dated awhile. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Its just post after post after post about how to attract this group, or that group, or why this group of women isn't into that group of men. How difficult could it be. Just go up to a woman, introduce yourself, ask her what her name is, make some simple conversation, ask the girl for her number, or out to dinner, or out to the movies, or whatever. If she says no, then move on to the next. Be yourself. If your of a different race than she is, it is no different than approaching a woman of your race. The exception would be a language barrier, but even that is possible to get beyond if there is enough interest. Maybe I am just use to confident and assertive men. I just don't get all of these lame and whiny threads.
Yes, it is tiresome!!! No matter how many pages of bickering that ensue, rallying troops to support your opinion, etc., the bottom line is, if you're not happy, not getting what you want out of life, what are you actually going to DO about it?
Whining on a messageboard doesn't change anything. Having 15 people agree with you and 50 disagree you still doesn't change anything. Great if you feel validated and supported by those who agree. Stinks if that you can't hear or accept opposing viewpoints. Sucks that you don't agree with what other (successful) people are doing, how you shouldn't have to do it, how society is wrong, etc. and so forth. At the end of this thread, just like the hundreds before it, nothing has been accomplished, and you're no further ahead.
The things you want out of life, if you want them badly enough you will find a way. And if you can't quite achieve everything you want, because most of us actually cannot (or I'd be a millionaire lottery winner already), you find out what are able to accomplish, and focus your energy and attention that way.
No one ever accomplished anything by not overcoming their fears. No one ever accomplished anything by avoiding the hard stuff and taking the easy way out. No one ever accomplished anything by sitting around, doing nothing, and expecting everything they want to be handed to them on a silver platter. Whiners and complainers aren't leaders, they're not successful, they're not people to be looked up to nor do they earn respect. They just are. To borrow a quote, from where, I forget: Getting knocked down is a part of life, getting back up is LIVING.
With that said, if you don't like where you're at, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?
Yes, it is tiresome!!! No matter how many pages of bickering that ensue, rallying troops to support your opinion, etc., the bottom line is, if you're not happy, not getting what you want out of life, what are you actually going to DO about it?
Whining on a messageboard doesn't change anything. Having 15 people agree with you and 50 disagree you still doesn't change anything. Great if you feel validated and supported by those who agree. Stinks if that you can't hear or accept opposing viewpoints. Sucks that you don't agree with what other (successful) people are doing, how you shouldn't have to do it, how society is wrong, etc. and so forth. At the end of this thread, just like the hundreds before it, nothing has been accomplished, and you're no further ahead.
The things you want out of life, if you want them badly enough you will find a way. And if you can't quite achieve everything you want, because most of us actually cannot (or I'd be a millionaire lottery winner already), you find out what are able to accomplish, and focus your energy and attention that way.
No one ever accomplished anything by not overcoming their fears. No one ever accomplished anything by avoiding the hard stuff and taking the easy way out. No one ever accomplished anything by sitting around, doing nothing, and expecting everything they want to be handed to them on a silver platter. Whiners and complainers aren't leaders, they're not successful, they're not people to be looked up to nor do they earn respect. They just are. To borrow a quote, from where, I forget: Getting knocked down is a part of life, getting back up is LIVING.
With that said, if you don't like where you're at, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?
How many women want to be approached by a total stranger, a man they don't know at all, and asked for a date, just like that? I think very, very few.
Granted, a few venues exist where this type thing of is common--e.g. certain bars and nightclubs, some college parties, etc. But for the most part, this kind of behavior is more likely to cause apprehension than attraction in women.
Yet, many men who ask for advice on how to "approach" women have exactly this is mind. What they really want to know is, "how can I hit on a total stranger out of the blue and quickly make her want to have sex with me?"
Answer: in most situations, that is extremely difficult. For most men, probably near-impossible.
Kind of alludes to the point I was going to make. It's not that attracting women is all that hard if you're a decent looking guy with a decent personality, it's more a matter of access to them in the first place so you can even have a shot at impressing them. I work 50+ hrs a week in a type of job that rarely to never puts me in contact with anybody even remotely falling into the attractive female category. That's the majority of the week for a lot of single guys. What you have left is stuff like the gym, a good bar or two that attracts the right crowd, friends/friends of friends, or online dating (gag).
When they say it's hard to meet the right kind of people, yeah, it really is. Work is not a viable option for many people, and people tend to be guarded in open social settings like gyms and bars. Friends of friends are really important I think. That's how a lot of couples seem to end up together. They met at some mutual friend's New Years Eve party or something.
A woman having a my-space page meant she's ready and available to hit it off with a perfect stranger who tickles her fancy on a screen. I bet it works with Facebook too. There are some outlets for shy men looking to get laid, brush up your imagination and typing skills and you are in the game. What, something like 30%+ of the first internet dates end up with sex "all the way", 60% of the first internet dates end up with oral sex or something of that sort. It's a nice thing to remember if you are looking for "eternal love" on internet.
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), why there is so much pressure for a male to appear something he's not? You don't like shy, "not it your face" men? Not a big deal, get in line and hook up with confident and showy guys you like.
