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I do not believe in any form of pre-marital sex. Truthfully, I don't even like to french kiss. There's just something odd about having another person's saliva in my mouth. Maybe it's due to my lack of experience, but I just prefer to give (fully clothed) back massages, regular kisses and holding hands.
If the thought of sex and intimacy etc. is something that kinda grosses you out I think you need to be entirely upfront about this.
I'm not judging your values here, but in your post I had *sensed* this might be the case. This has nothing to do with values but rather your attitudes towards sex and that is part of the husband and wife bond.
Essentially, are you going to get married have sex once or twice with the guy and then try to avoid it for the rest of the marriage because it's entirely nasty to you?
Please note that I'm not questioning your values or anything like that but rather your ability to keep your part of the marital contract. I mean you are even saying that if you love each other and are committed then sex shouldn't matter which almost sounds like you are already making excuses for not having sex because you are clearly uncomfortable with the concept.
I think you might want to talk this over on some sort of religious board and ask these questions of other gals with your view on sex prior to marriage. Ask them how their attitudes towards sex changed or did not and if it would be fair not to have sex during marriage and so forth. I think you need to talk to people that have walked a mile in those shoes already. It may be enlightening and I cannot share any perspective on the topic.
Do you think you are maybe asexual? I'm being totally serious here - because the people that I know that are waiting for marriage still enjoy making out and such. If you don't really like even kissing - this is something that should be addressed. It's one thing for a man to wait for marriage to have sex - but it's another thing if there isn't really going to be anything after marriage as well. There is a whole culture of asexual people out there - and it seems that many of them are looking for companionship. That might be something you could look into.
This is a good suggestion.
I've known girls that stayed virgins until marriage and didn't fool around much but they were very interested in intimacy and I'd best my last dollar have had very healthy sex lives.
Did the Op post that this friend stated he would be "glad" to put up the shelves once he returned from vacation? Yes?! then how is she using him? The man can't help her out with shelves because he's not getting sex Who would be the user here???
Op, it is possible to find someone that you like and spend time with without sex. But even if in the immediate future it seems "impossible", know that the depth/sincerity of your personal convictions will always be tested, so decide now that you will leave room for compromise or not!
This sexual compatibilty nonsense is just that IMO! Plenty of couples could set fire to a building the sex is so hot and then get married and can't light a match. And marriage as an institution/covenant in itself is not to blame. One of the issues that individuals who have indulged in pre-martial sex face once married is the sexual comparisons(from previous trysts) that arise as strong temptations when couples face trials. Doesn't neccesarily mean the sex is bad. But life, has a way of challenging marital intimacy that you won't find between two individuals bucking it out after a night at the club. (And I'm referring to marriage--knowing that someone will interject that this is also possible with a LTR.) In marriage, it's the intimacy(all encompassing) that makes sex hot--equivalent to, if not more than but also in addition to a mere two bodies bumping and grinding. So, compatibility as it concerns the marriage relationship, IMO is far more relevant as it concerns goals, ideals, issues of spirituality etc. etc. then hot sex. Many differences work themselves out once two mature people "compatible" in those areas decide to stick it out, until it's worked out! Not a very attractive option, though, to many in our world today!
Last edited by Tell-the-Truth; 01-16-2013 at 01:00 PM..
I do not believe in any form of pre-marital sex. Truthfully, I don't even like to french kiss. There's just something odd about having another person's saliva in my mouth. Maybe it's due to my lack of experience, but I just prefer to give (fully clothed) back massages, regular kisses and holding hands.
There's absolutely no need for those who disagree with me to say cruel things or attack me for having these views. Let's just remember that as human beings, we all have different likes and dislikes. I seriously didn't mean to offend anyone.
I apologize if my original statements seemed judgmental, that wasn't my intention at all.
LOL wow you sound like me my entire life until 2 weeks ago. I also am very antagonistic on kissing. Kind of germophobe. And my rule was if I ever kiss someone they better brush their teeth, mouthwash and scrape their tongue first. LOL. all of it out the windows when I fell in love. as freaking shortlived as it was, it's worth it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
Do you think you are maybe asexual? I'm being totally serious here - because the people that I know that are waiting for marriage still enjoy making out and such. If you don't really like even kissing - this is something that should be addressed. It's one thing for a man to wait for marriage to have sex - but it's another thing if there isn't really going to be anything after marriage as well. There is a whole culture of asexual people out there - and it seems that many of them are looking for companionship. That might be something you could look into.
I really thought I was asexual too. Speaking from experience though the OP has not met the guy she felt comfortable and safe with. And ya never been in love. All of it will go away your moral standards if it feels right for you. Trust me.
Yes OP, give up dating and join a nunnery. Because in this day and age there are few men indeed who will date someone who won't give out before marriage. It's beyond my comprehension that anyone these days wouldn't want to try before they buy.
LOL wow you sound like me my entire life until 2 weeks ago. I also am very antagonistic on kissing. Kind of germophobe. And my rule was if I ever kiss someone they better brush their teeth, mouthwash and scrape their tongue first. LOL. all of it out the windows when I fell in love. as freaking shortlived as it was, it's worth it.
I really thought I was asexual too. Speaking from experience though the OP has not met the guy she felt comfortable and safe with. And ya never been in love. All of it will go away your moral standards if it feels right for you. Trust me.
I am not asexual, I simply want to wait until marriage.
Do you think you are maybe asexual? I'm being totally serious here - because the people that I know that are waiting for marriage still enjoy making out and such. If you don't really like even kissing - this is something that should be addressed. It's one thing for a man to wait for marriage to have sex - but it's another thing if there isn't really going to be anything after marriage as well. There is a whole culture of asexual people out there - and it seems that many of them are looking for companionship. That might be something you could look into.
Again, I'm not asexual. I just happen to dislike having another person's saliva in my mouth, but as they say, practice makes perfect.
If the thought of sex and intimacy etc. is something that kinda grosses you out I think you need to be entirely upfront about this.
I'm not judging your values here, but in your post I had *sensed* this might be the case. This has nothing to do with values but rather your attitudes towards sex and that is part of the husband and wife bond.
Essentially, are you going to get married have sex once or twice with the guy and then try to avoid it for the rest of the marriage because it's entirely nasty to you?
Please note that I'm not questioning your values or anything like that but rather your ability to keep your part of the marital contract. I mean you are even saying that if you love each other and are committed then sex shouldn't matter which almost sounds like you are already making excuses for not having sex because you are clearly uncomfortable with the concept.
I think you might want to talk this over on some sort of religious board and ask these questions of other gals with your view on sex prior to marriage. Ask them how their attitudes towards sex changed or did not and if it would be fair not to have sex during marriage and so forth. I think you need to talk to people that have walked a mile in those shoes already. It may be enlightening and I cannot share any perspective on the topic.
I never stated that sex or intimacy grossed me out. I think kissing (especially deep french kissing) is very intimate and I'm willing to explore that further (and overcome my feelings toward having another person's saliva in my mouth).
I do not believe in any form of pre-marital sex. Truthfully, I don't even like to french kiss. There's just something odd about having another person's saliva in my mouth.
Mary, I am going to be really really honest with you here. You could be the hottest little thing that ever walked on planet earth, and I would still run from you. And you want to know why? No not because you dont believe in pre-marital sex. That part is actually admirable.
I would run like hell because I seriously doubt you believe in post-marital sex.
If you don't like french kissing. And if you honestly can say with a straight face "he expects me to give him sex"....then the vast majority of guys will not be interested in any way shape or form. It sounds like you have a greatly diminished level of passion in you. Just my observation.
Many women have a tremdendous sex drive, and they are a pleasure to be in a relationship with! Believe it or not, there exist women out there who do not view sex as something a woman gives and a man takes.
And those women are very very desirable.
Put aside your views on pre-marital sex (and french kissing) for the moment. And focus on whether or not you even believe in post-marital sex.
And on behalf of all men on planet earth...That guy wrote you a damn nice letter !!
Should I participate in actions, that I know are wrong, just to appease the man that I'm with? Or Should I be willing to stand by my convictions, irrespective of the consequences? I know first hand that it's difficult finding a man, who has similar views, but I'm willing to wait (even if I never meet such a person).
I'm sticking by my decision. I can't base my beliefs on what others choose to do. Each of us has free will.
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Who would be the user here???
, know that the depth/sincerity of your personal convictions will always be tested, so decide now that you will leave room for compromise or not!
