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I've come to the conclusion that he is not interested in me, but just sort of exploiting me--not financially or sexually--but for any professional knowledge he can glean from me. I had this exact same problem with this person before when I worked with them; I became infatuated and he had no clue I felt that way.
I'm teaching him today and I think after that I'm going to email him and tell him it's his last lesson, and I think I'm going to have to tell him why:
>>I'm sorry, but today was our last lesson. The mistake that I made with you last time you studied with me, I made again. And that is, when you constantly stay in touch with some single, unmarried woman it is very possible that SHE WILL THINK YOU LIKE HER, AS A WOMAN. But you don't feel that way about me; you're just trying to exploit me, not financially or sexually, but for whatever music knowledge you can glean from me. It's upsetting, depressing. I thought I could handle it this time, but I can't. All I do is think about you. And I know you don't feel the same way. I wish you the best.
It just all seems so pointless and embarrassing and I feel so sad. And, on my side, my feelings are probably, at least in large part, a function of having survived cancer and being healthy again. I want to re-enter the world and have some sort of personal life. But not with this person.
The really pathetic part of this is that if I do send him that email, he will probably have no clue that he did anything wrong. I should probably not give him any time during the week via text or email, and just get over it like a grownup.
If it's not physical, just enjoy the companionship and get over the romantic pangs. There is nothing wrong with sharing time together as friends (even after lessons), unless you want something more. You may have to establish boundaries so both of you don't wrongfully steer the relationship into directions that only eventually involve hurt feelings, yours mainly. For example, if this guy is in his 30s, he is going to be involved with other women his age at some point, so watch your level of emotional connection.
If it's not physical, just enjoy the companionship and get over the romantic pangs. There is nothing wrong with sharing time together as friends (even after lessons), unless you want something more. You may have to establish boundaries so both of you don't wrongfully steer the relationship into directions that only eventually involve hurt feelings, yours mainly. For example, if this guy is in his 30s, he is going to be involved with other women his age at some point, so watch your level of emotional connection.
Thank you; I think that's good advice. I managed to get through the lesson today with my dignity intact but it took some higher level thinking to do it.
Someone wrote me and questioned the notion of exploitation, as referenced in one of my posts. What I teach is very difficult; it frequently takes years to accomplish, and maybe exploiting the teacher is no indication of evil intent, but I'm only getting paid for an hour a week; anything much beyond that is taking advantage.
On reflection, I think it will be alright. I will be accepting a position in another state in about 18 months; anyone in love with me would have to go with me. What I want is the friendship, in this case; I want to know how he's going go turn out as a musician.
And then perhaps someone closer to my own age will come along.
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