What do you think of the following situation ? (dating, boyfriend, girlfriend)
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I recently discovered that a colleague of my gf has been texting her asking her out for some time now.
We have been dating for a year now and she does not have a record of cheating or anything like that, however, I asked her about it, and she said she did not want to tell me because she thought there was no point and that I would be angry. I must add, nothing of that kind has ever happened. Even though I was a little upset about her not telling me, I let it go and asked her what she was going to do if he continues. She insisted that telling him off would make things weird at work and therefore she said she wanted to ignore him until he forgets.
One important thing is, his texts messages said he wanted her to give him another chance, and when I asked her about it, she said nothing had happened between them.
a week past, and i ran into more texts, getting more serious and aggressive. At that point I must say I started getting a little more annoyed and thinking if he would try alternative methods too. I asked her about it, and it turns out they did actually go out for about a week, about 2 years ago. When I asked her why she lied, she insisted that she mentioned him when we first started going out. I don't remember anything of that sort and now I was annoyed by the fact it had been hidden.
I then asked her to confront him - I was annoyed with the guy for other reasons - I think texting someone at work when shes in a relationship and is not interested, is disrespectful, especially when both of us know him.
I also asked her to stop hiding texts or information, and to let me know the next time he texts, as she thought he wouldn't text again, and she promised to do so and tell him to stop if he does so.
I am sure you're guessing he did. and she never told me. And when I found out, the text said something along the lines of : I don't care about your boyfriend, I will continue texting because I want you back.
I was annoyed - I do not really care about his attitude, but more about the fact I wasn't kept in the picture in the 3rd time.
What makes it worse is the fact that when I asked her about it, she forgot about the message, then didn't know he texted, then said there were more important things to take care of, but as far as I understand it, avoided it.
And this, could develop into a trust issue. Unless I am wrong. I know some of you would say - go and talk to her. But I have. I don't want to judge people, but trust issues - I am not sure I actually want to sort out. You can discuss many other things and work them out, but when it comes to that sort of stuff.. were 3 times not enough?
I don't want to be too suspicious, but ... is there an issue here?
I mean:
He is still a contact on her phone (and not by his official name, but a cute nick)
He is still texting and who knows what else
She did not block him
It should not be an issue for her to confront him if he is really annoying. It is his fault, not her
Hiding details does not make it look better
I recently discovered that a colleague of my gf has been texting her asking her out for some time now.
We have been dating for a year now and she does not have a record of cheating or anything like that, however, I asked her about it, and she said she did not want to tell me because she thought there was no point and that I would be angry. I must add, nothing of that kind has ever happened. Even though I was a little upset about her not telling me, I let it go and asked her what she was going to do if he continues. She insisted that telling him off would make things weird at work and therefore she said she wanted to ignore him until he forgets.
One important thing is, his texts messages said he wanted her to give him another chance, and when I asked her about it, she said nothing had happened between them.
a week past, and i ran into more texts, getting more serious and aggressive. At that point I must say I started getting a little more annoyed and thinking if he would try alternative methods too. I asked her about it, and it turns out they did actually go out for about a week, about 2 years ago. When I asked her why she lied, she insisted that she mentioned him when we first started going out. I don't remember anything of that sort and now I was annoyed by the fact it had been hidden.
I then asked her to confront him - I was annoyed with the guy for other reasons - I think texting someone at work when shes in a relationship and is not interested, is disrespectful, especially when both of us know him.
I also asked her to stop hiding texts or information, and to let me know the next time he texts, as she thought he wouldn't text again, and she promised to do so and tell him to stop if he does so.
I am sure you're guessing he did. and she never told me. And when I found out, the text said something along the lines of : I don't care about your boyfriend, I will continue texting because I want you back.
I was annoyed - I do not really care about his attitude, but more about the fact I wasn't kept in the picture in the 3rd time.
What makes it worse is the fact that when I asked her about it, she forgot about the message, then didn't know he texted, then said there were more important things to take care of, but as far as I understand it, avoided it.
And this, could develop into a trust issue. Unless I am wrong. I know some of you would say - go and talk to her. But I have. I don't want to judge people, but trust issues - I am not sure I actually want to sort out. You can discuss many other things and work them out, but when it comes to that sort of stuff.. were 3 times not enough?
I don't want to be too suspicious, but ... is there an issue here?
I mean:
He is still a contact on her phone (and not by his official name, but a cute nick)
He is still texting and who knows what else
She did not block him
It should not be an issue for her to confront him if he is really annoying. It is his fault, not her
Hiding details does not make it look better
Any suggestions ?
Your girlfriend obviously does not respect your feelings on this issue, she has made that very clear through her inaction.
It is up to you to decide what you can and can't live with.
If this behavior is unacceptable to you then you must take a stand.
Of course, when you take a stand you must be prepared to walk away.
First time: She asked me to text back someone while she was driving
Second time: She asked me to read a text for her
Third / fourth : Getting suspicious.
If she is unwilling to deal with the situation on her, then you may not be able to trust her. At this point, she has plenty of evidence to go to HR and press a sexual harassment suit, or at least request that HR deal with this guy to stop further contact. If she won't do either, then I have to wonder if she's worth keeping?
That is what I thought, but she is an honest person, in general. Is it possible that I am being too suspicious ? (The facts I have provided are correct)
I recently discovered that a colleague of my gf has been texting her asking her out for some time now.
We have been dating for a year now and she does not have a record of cheating or anything like that, however, I asked her about it, and she said she did not want to tell me because she thought there was no point and that I would be angry. I must add, nothing of that kind has ever happened. Even though I was a little upset about her not telling me, I let it go and asked her what she was going to do if he continues. She insisted that telling him off would make things weird at work and therefore she said she wanted to ignore him until he forgets.
One important thing is, his texts messages said he wanted her to give him another chance, and when I asked her about it, she said nothing had happened between them.
a week past, and i ran into more texts, getting more serious and aggressive. At that point I must say I started getting a little more annoyed and thinking if he would try alternative methods too. I asked her about it, and it turns out they did actually go out for about a week, about 2 years ago. When I asked her why she lied, she insisted that she mentioned him when we first started going out. I don't remember anything of that sort and now I was annoyed by the fact it had been hidden.
I then asked her to confront him - I was annoyed with the guy for other reasons - I think texting someone at work when shes in a relationship and is not interested, is disrespectful, especially when both of us know him.
I also asked her to stop hiding texts or information, and to let me know the next time he texts, as she thought he wouldn't text again, and she promised to do so and tell him to stop if he does so.
I am sure you're guessing he did. and she never told me. And when I found out, the text said something along the lines of : I don't care about your boyfriend, I will continue texting because I want you back.
I was annoyed - I do not really care about his attitude, but more about the fact I wasn't kept in the picture in the 3rd time.
What makes it worse is the fact that when I asked her about it, she forgot about the message, then didn't know he texted, then said there were more important things to take care of, but as far as I understand it, avoided it.
And this, could develop into a trust issue. Unless I am wrong. I know some of you would say - go and talk to her. But I have. I don't want to judge people, but trust issues - I am not sure I actually want to sort out. You can discuss many other things and work them out, but when it comes to that sort of stuff.. were 3 times not enough?
I don't want to be too suspicious, but ... is there an issue here?
I mean:
He is still a contact on her phone (and not by his official name, but a cute nick)
He is still texting and who knows what else
She did not block him
It should not be an issue for her to confront him if he is really annoying. It is his fault, not her
Hiding details does not make it look better
Any suggestions ?
It is TEMPTING to put 100% blame on the guy, but as a girl, I just know that if I make myself very clear that
a. I have a loving boyfriend whom I am madly in love with
b. no matter what, I will not keep my options open because I love my boyfriend
guys who are interested in me will back off. Especially at work place, most people understand they need to be careful of approaching their coworkers, making sexual advances.
Are you sure your girlfriend is not the one leading this guy on? Just a thought
If she is unwilling to deal with the situation on her, then you may not be able to trust her. At this point, she has plenty of evidence to go to HR and press a sexual harassment suit, or at least request that HR deal with this guy to stop further contact. If she won't do either, then I have to wonder if she's worth keeping?
This is the best approach, I agree 100% with this advice. Your other option is to beat your chest and try to play alpha male with this guy and in doing so debase yourself and possibly even get into legal trouble. Best you just try to convince your girlfriend to deal with it within work place sanctioned chanels.
Good luck as you deal with this. It certainly sounds like a frustration situation.
That is what I thought, but she is an honest person, in general. Is it possible that I am being too suspicious ? (The facts I have provided are correct)
she has lied to you once, hasn't she? Her excuse of not telling you is "I don't want you to be upset."
Typical response from a woman playing mind games? How old is she? I can understand she is a teenager. But some people never grow out of the emotional handicap. sorry.
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