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A few years ago, I tried to pursue a relationship with this woman. It started out OK, but over time I grew to dislike the way she was treating me. So I ended it and stopped talking to her altogether. A few weeks ago, she emails me out of the blue. She doesn't apologize for what happened in the past or even acknowledge any of it. She just wants to say hi and catch up. I respond and briefly update her on my life. Where I live, work, personal life, etc. But I don't go into a lot of detail. I then ask her what she's been up to. No reply.
Now I'm trying not to read too much into this. Maybe she was just curious and wanted to see what I was doing these days. Maybe she was hoping to patch things up. Maybe she was fishing to see if I was seeing anyone. I did mention that I was still single and didn't have any kids. The fact that I never heard back from her about her life makes me wonder if she just wanted to see if I was still single. Perhaps I could hear from the women on this. Suppose there was a guy who pursued you. But you treated him badly and he finally got fed up and told you off. Why would you email him years later? And if so, why would you do so, especially if that person made it clear he didn't want to talk to you ever again?
You might be her plan B, and she was just making sure you'll still be available when she's done with whatever relationship she's in.
I have used the plan B approach too, but never with anyone I mistreated. She might remember things a little differently than you do.
It did cross my mind. Maybe she thinks enough time has passed that I'll forgive her. Just the fact that I responded to her email might be confirmation in her mind that I'm no longer angry. It was also hard not to notice the timing. She emailed me right after the holidays, a time when people who are single feel especially alone. One of the reasons I stopped talking to her is because I felt like I was her backup plan. So if she's reaching out to me now to see if I'm still available, then that just tells me she hasn't changed. How disappointing.
I had a guy do this. It was a little different in that he dumped me in the worst way possible and disappeared for years, and then he emailed. Turns out he felt like he made a mistake and wanted to come back to me. I found out that he ran off and married a woman who was - according to him - a real witch, among other things.
Sometimes people have to experience the bad to appreciate the good. Maybe that's what happened in your case as well.
You might be her plan B, and she was just making sure you'll still be available when she's done with whatever relationship she's in.
I have used the plan B approach too, but never with anyone I mistreated. She might remember things a little differently than you do.
That would be pretty naive of anybody to assume someone they used to be involved with, but haven't spoken to in years could be their plan "anything". It's at best a random shot in the dark at that point if years (or even decades) go by with no knowledge of the other persons personal life.
A few years ago, I tried to pursue a relationship with this woman. It started out OK, but over time I grew to dislike the way she was treating me. So I ended it and stopped talking to her altogether. A few weeks ago, she emails me out of the blue. She doesn't apologize for what happened in the past or even acknowledge any of it. She just wants to say hi and catch up. I respond and briefly update her on my life. Where I live, work, personal life, etc. But I don't go into a lot of detail. I then ask her what she's been up to. No reply.
Now I'm trying not to read too much into this. Maybe she was just curious and wanted to see what I was doing these days. Maybe she was hoping to patch things up. Maybe she was fishing to see if I was seeing anyone. I did mention that I was still single and didn't have any kids. The fact that I never heard back from her about her life makes me wonder if she just wanted to see if I was still single. Perhaps I could hear from the women on this. Suppose there was a guy who pursued you. But you treated him badly and he finally got fed up and told you off. Why would you email him years later? And if so, why would you do so, especially if that person made it clear he didn't want to talk to you ever again?
You'd probably been on her mind for awhile if she went to the trouble to seek you out and send you an email. Even if she didn't have to seek you out and you'd had the same email the whole time, it's still a fairly significant gesture for someone to do that after such a long time, especially for a woman...they typically seem less prone to this sort of thing than men do.
Given this, here's my real point; why didn't you just ask her in your response what made her decide to email you? I bet you she would've had a hard time resisting the temptation to answer that one...it's a loaded question full of intrigue and almost demands a response. Instead, it sounds like you just gave her kind of a boring executive summary of how your life has been and didn't give her much of a reason to reply. I think you maybe said too much also, but that's just my opinion. It's not any of her business if you're single or have any kids. At least not at that point. Try not to be such an open book in situations like these. (I'm bad about this too.)
A good idea to get in the habit of when somebody sends you an "oh crap" type email that requires a careful response, is not to reply to it right away. Let it swirl around for a few days and then reply. What inevitably happens is you pound out some response, hit the send button, and kick yourself later on when you start to think you maybe should have said "this" instead of "that", or maybe altered your tone a little bit.
Last edited by UrbanAdventurer; 01-20-2013 at 11:08 PM..
A few years ago, I tried to pursue a relationship with this woman. It started out OK, but over time I grew to dislike the way she was treating me. So I ended it and stopped talking to her altogether. A few weeks ago, she emails me out of the blue. She doesn't apologize for what happened in the past or even acknowledge any of it. She just wants to say hi and catch up. I respond and briefly update her on my life. Where I live, work, personal life, etc. But I don't go into a lot of detail. I then ask her what she's been up to. No reply.
Now I'm trying not to read too much into this. Maybe she was just curious and wanted to see what I was doing these days. Maybe she was hoping to patch things up. Maybe she was fishing to see if I was seeing anyone. I did mention that I was still single and didn't have any kids. The fact that I never heard back from her about her life makes me wonder if she just wanted to see if I was still single. Perhaps I could hear from the women on this. Suppose there was a guy who pursued you. But you treated him badly and he finally got fed up and told you off. Why would you email him years later? And if so, why would you do so, especially if that person made it clear he didn't want to talk to you ever again?
She was obviously still interested.
Her lack of response could be that she remembered certain aspects of the relationship that turned her completely off.
My guess being something to do with how conflict was handled or the fact it even came up?
Perhaps you two are very incompatible. She woke from her daydreams..? Idealizing the past can get people to second guess and bounce.
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