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I don't think there's anything wrong with going out once or twice a week for a drink or two after work, but I wonder if someone who used to have a major drinking problem should be in a bar period.
If "major drinking problem" = alcoholism, then there is a problem, because he shouldn't be drinking now at all. Someone with this disease can't control it, can't drink in moderation. I losts an aunt from it and saw a very close friend go through hell because of it. He's been sober for years now but still attends AA meetings and hasn't had a drink in years, because you can't have "just one".
The drinking is a concern, not to mention drinking and driving, combined with and going out 3 evenings every week with coworkers. I don't think her concerns are unreasonable here, but you shouldn't have to worry or monitor your partner, almost as if you were a parent. That's an unhealthy relationship dynamic.
Once or twice a week is reasonable! Being sociable with other people besides your partner (and sometimes with your partner) is a healthy aspect of any relationship; UNLESS that person goes out more than twice a week or doesn't wish to include you in at least some of those outings. There are only 5 days in a week, so if a person in a committed relationship goes out 3 or more times a week, it probably means they don't want to spend time with their significant other or it could mean that their friendships hold more value and importance to them than their romantic relationship. Don't bring up how he used to treat his ex-wife when you talk to him about his outings with his co-workers. He may start resenting you for that and it might make him want to go out more. Just talk to him calmly and tell him how youfeel about what he's been doing. If he can't understand and empathize with you and isn't willing to compromise with you on this, then you have a bigger issue to be concerned with than his outings with his co-workers.
that's what he's tell you. he's going out the bar with a group of guys/coworkers two or three nights a week. yea, sure.
What do *you* think he's doing? She said he's home by 7:30 - 8:00 and it's an hour and a half away, meaning he's leaving the bar 6:00 - 6:30. Assuming he gets off around 5:00, that's time for a beer or two.
Or maybe he's a stud, can snap his fingers and get the sexetary to take him home for an after work quickie three times a week?
Ok well now I come to find that this weekend we went out together & to the bar he goes to after work. When we were headed there I sensed a little aprehension in the air, while drinving I happen to c a text saying if this girl was at the bar dont stop by...why's that & what does that mean, come to find she is a bartender there...now what. I want to marry this man & possably make a big move into a house with him...any advice please help before i LOSE IT
Ok well now I come to find that this weekend we went out together & to the bar he goes to after work. When we were headed there I sensed a little aprehension in the air, while drinving I happen to c a text saying if this girl was at the bar dont stop by...why's that & what does that mean, come to find she is a bartender there...now what. I want to marry this man & possably make a big move into a house with him...any advice please help before i LOSE IT
Wait, so whats going on with the bartender? She's there and serves him drinks? Why are you freaking out?
Well my problem being the fact that if she was bartending at the place that night we were going together he didnt want to stop by..why he didnt want me to meet her? How come just curious. He has been with me in a relationship for almost 4 yrs, he has a son who adores me & we have plans to marry. I think I should know what going on. I am planning on moving to a house with him and want to make sure we are all good if you know what i mean. I give him 100% trust and then I find this out, really I said to him this weekend please dont play me for a fool. Do not treat me the way these other guys treat their woman, I am not one of them, I happen to know many people in this area where he is working, grew up down there, and I will not be laughed at behind my back as my man runss around town flirting & carrying on, that not how I want to live my life. What other woman do is not my business, but I will not turn a blind eye and just say whatever. This is my life & the damage control he would have to do with his son and ex wife concerning why he ****ed everything up would be unreal, so I let him go and hope he is a man of his word. How do I handle this situation. I am a cool chick was always a girl who hung with the fellas & have many guy friends who I have listened to and watch over the last 25 yrs so, I am not as naive as some...
Well my problem being the fact that if she was bartending at the place that night we were going together he didnt want to stop by..why he didnt want me to meet her? How come just curious. He has been with me in a relationship for almost 4 yrs, he has a son who adores me & we have plans to marry. I think I should know what going on. I am planning on moving to a house with him and want to make sure we are all good if you know what i mean. I give him 100% trust and then I find this out, really I said to him this weekend please dont play me for a fool. Do not treat me the way these other guys treat their woman, I am not one of them, I happen to know many people in this area where he is working, grew up down there, and I will not be laughed at behind my back as my man runss around town flirting & carrying on, that not how I want to live my life. What other woman do is not my business, but I will not turn a blind eye and just say whatever. This is my life & the damage control he would have to do with his son and ex wife concerning why he ****ed everything up would be unreal, so I let him go and hope he is a man of his word. How do I handle this situation. I am a cool chick was always a girl who hung with the fellas & have many guy friends who I have listened to and watch over the last 25 yrs so, I am not as naive as some...
Why dont you just ask him why it was a big deal for this bartender to be there? Seems like your jumping to conclusions.
Because I saw the text by accident, wan not really looking but then when I saw the girls name and saying if shes working we r not stopping by and his friend replied Ill see if she working tonight...why texting back in forth we were all in the car together??
Because I saw the text by accident, wan not really looking but then when I saw the girls name and saying if shes working we r not stopping by and his friend replied Ill see if she working tonight...why texting back in forth we were all in the car together??
My point being you may be making a big deal out of nothing. She may flirt with him and he may turn down her advances-which would make it uncomfortable for the both of you to go there. They may have some back history with one another which would make it uncomfortable. There's a million reasons why someone might not want to go somewhere-which is why you should ask. I used to go out to bars in this one particular area all the time. I met 3 of my exs at these bars and a few hook ups. Once I was in a LTR with someone who was not from that area I avoided going to the bars the nights I knew these guys frequented-to avoid awkwardness.
You should flat out ask him why you couldn't go to the bar with the female bartender.
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