Asked him the straighforward question...Bad Idea???
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You did exactly the right thing. You can cut to the chase without being abrasive. He may be a guy who values his freedom regardless of you being the right woman. You asked an honest question and thankfully he gave you an honest answer instead of leading you on
I wanted to get some insight, whether asking very straighforward questions in the dating world is a bad or good idea. Is timing something that needs to be considered in the question? I know there is no one correct answer to this therefore bringing it to this forum.
I have had this ongoing friendship with special feelings with an ex-coworker for a couple of years. Last summer we finally got intimate, however my job moved me to Seattle from SF so things had to stay casual for awhile. The move is not so permanent, I am planning to return to California. I have an emotional investment in him, known and extensively interacted with him for a long time. He is a good friend in other words. Last weekend we spent some time together again, however, I got to a point where I really needed to know where we stood, so asked him "Do you want to pursue something serious with me?". He said that he wants to stay friends, he values the friendship but does not want a relationship with anyone...yada yada. I guess I am not the right girl for him which I fine.
I was happy to know where he stood, we agreed to just be friend going forward. However, later on I started wondering if my question was way too straighforward and whether it scared him off? Thanks y'all!!!
I like people who shoot straight. It saves time. I think you approached it well.
On the other hand, for the consumption of others on the forum, have you ever heard the adage, "It's not what you say, but how you say it?" That includes when you say it, the inflection in your voice, and the mood of the person hearing it.
It's kind of like when MrsCPG gets home from a stressful day at the office. I always tell the kids, "Give you mom at least an hour until she unwinds." Guess what? The minute she hits the door, they still bombard her with a dozen questions, requests, and the whatnot. All of them are met with "No" or "Do I have to think about that right now?"
You'd think they would learn. If they had waited until she'd had a glass of wine, eaten dinner and was feeling more at peace with the world, they would have gotten an entirely different reception.
CPG,
Thanks for the pointers, this is one of my weaknesses in fact. But I have come to accept who I am - a straight shooter. I think there is no point to hide one's personality, specially when going into a relationship.
Asked him the straighforward question...Bad Idea???
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
I like people who shoot straight. It saves time. I think you approached it well.
On the other hand, for the consumption of others on the forum, have you ever heard the adage, "It's not what you say, but how you say it?" That includes when you say it, the inflection in your voice, and the mood of the person hearing it.
It's kind of like when MrsCPG gets home from a stressful day at the office. I always tell the kids, "Give you mom at least an hour until she unwinds." Guess what? The minute she hits the door, they still bombard her with a dozen questions, requests, and the whatnot. All of them are met with "No" or "Do I have to think about that right now?"
You'd think they would learn. If they had waited until she'd had a glass of wine, eaten dinner and was feeling more at peace with the world, they would have gotten an entirely different reception.
Tulip,
I think this particular post by cpg35223 hits the nail on the head better than any other you might read. The words we use and how we use them sometimes have a great effect on the answer we are seeking. With a question like you had, you can't wait forever not knowing where you stand. I think you did the right thing in asking. You didn't get the answer you maybe wanted, but there is no reason you can't let him know he is still your dear friend. If I were you I would date others, but if he is important to you, I wouldn't flaunt the fact that you are seeing other people. Good luck.
I am starting to wonder whether we can actually remain friends after what has happened between us. I think the whole reason, at least on my end to remain friends with him after working together, was because I was interested in him romantically. Now that being out of the equation...and the fact that he sort of rejected me...it will be hard!!!
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which I fine.
Asked him the straighforward question...Bad Idea???
