Why are women so hard on short, overweight guys? (dating, wives, girlfriends)

[shortoverweightguy]

Long and short of it...I'm 47 and have never had a real relationship with a woman who didn't have some ulterior motive at heart.

I've always been shorter than average so that wrecked dating in HS and in college I stupidly got involved with the evangelical right that disapproved of dating anyone not "saved" yet I desperately wanted friendship.

Always had problems with low self esteem and becoming overweight in my late 20s till now hasn't helped. Dieting and exercise don't seem to make the weight go down either. I eat 1500 calories a day too, about the same as I burn or less.

Then, out of stupid desperation in my early 30s, I married a Filipina from abroad and had a child with her and divorced after seven years as she turned out to have mental health problems -- she never really cared about me -- just getting to the States and working here - it was a hellish marriage.

I'm raising that child on my own and I'm a great Dad as we do a lot of things together but since I'm not height/weight proportionate, rich, or in a job with power, I'm basically screwed with the opposite sex as women pass me over thinking that the next guy will probably be better. I'm the plain dinner roll in the buffet of life...I lack any passion in anything basically because I know I'm depressed. Yet another reason for women to look past me.

I've tried the dating websites but although I get a few women interested, it usually peters out as I come across as the proverbial nice guy. Not the "bad boy" that they are attracted. Tried to be that way but that isn't me so it doesn't come across real. I don't want to meet any woman in church as I'm not religious anymore (God could care less in my humble opinion). Work is all men. Meetup groups? Tried them. Basically, the competition is usually a lot better than me when it's a social get together. Much taller, more rugged guys, more extroverted, yada yada yada...For those who have watched Wonder Years, I'm like an overweight Kevin Arnold...

So I went back to a Filipina again (course they all want the same thing -- a visa and upward economic mobility) as on the Filipinas sites I'm about as popular as Brad Pitt. One thousand likes/winks in less than a month! Found one that I thought was unusual -- she had two masters degrees, smart, was doing well financially there, so I thought she's not after money/visa and maybe, just maybe, likes me for me.

But after two and half years of courtship, and thinking she was normal and wonderful, she dumps me just a few days before we were to get married. She had commitment issues she said but later I found out she had gotten pregnant with a Filipino guy during the time we were engaged. I had gone all out and proposed on a chartered plane flying over her home island with a banner below asking her to marry me...what a dumb ass I was...

Well, of course I'm not going to anything again with a Filipina and won't trust any woman from abroad.

I'm fed up that women say that height is not so much an issue or that mister nice is what they want. Someone who will always be there to talk with, do things with, won't cheat, etc. Well, that's me.

At 47, I'm not getting any younger and it angers me that everyone I know has had good relationships that have lasted years and years but I am incapable as I've got nothing to offer except my heart but that's not good enough as I wreck everything by stammering and talking nervously when I get to the phone call stage with a woman.

Okay, I'm whining, you don't have to tell me that. I'm just fed up as a real relationship, based on love and respect seems about as a distant a possibility as getting struck by lightning since I don't have the attributes women want evidently. I'm no Sully from Doctor Quinn, no Brad Pitt, no George Clooney, or even some normal height guy of five nine. I'm five five and even the four foot nine women want guys taller than me. I know, I know, they don't want their future kids to be short...

Never once has love actually been real -- only having been taken advantage of but that was my fault for stupidly turning to women abroad. Yet it seems women in the U.S. just don't want me as I must come across as a total loser. But I'm a great Dad, have a good job, financially okay, and respectful to everyone. All of this hurt I keep inside though...only my best friend knows.

Why does it have to be so hard? Why is it so easy for others?

I'm not that bad a person...not perfect by any means but I treat women with respect yet ... nothing.

I wouldn't do the crap I read/hear that guys do their girlfriends or wives. One female friend of mine has a husband that's cheating on her right now. Another female friend has a husband that refused to pay her big medical bills after she got really sick just after they got married. Hell, if either of them were my wife, I'd be taking the vow seriously and putting her first in my life along with my daughter and any children she may have.

But I'm coming to the conclusion that it ain't going to be in my life at least. Forty-seven and not having one real relationship where a woman really loved me for me and I for her must mean that I'm just not desirable as much as I would like to think I am at least somewhat. But short and overweight just doesn't cut it in this world. Maybe the next...

Thanks for reading if you have gotten to the end of this.

[ja1myn]

Well your life certainly sounds like it blows.

But let's not attribute it to you being short. You have a child who needs you who you seem to adore and I bet adores you right back. This obviously means that you're a great guy and there is a lady out there who will see that someday.

Don't give up, just be more proactive about it and don't let the whole being short and fat thing get you down.

Have you stepped outside lately? Tons of people are fat slobs.

At least you are a nice guy. I've met short, fat, douchey men who think the world is a terrible place because women don't flock to them like flies go to manure.

Be cool man, it's all good.

[*Sixy*]

The same reason men are so hard on short, overweight women...

Because all they can see is the physical attributes of that person and don't take the time to get to know them as a person.

[shortoverweightguy]

Thanks Ja1myn...I do have to dress well for work and try to dress casual on the weekends and mindful about how I look of course. Thinking of doing smartlipo to lose weight that just won't come off. Of course, I'm not one of those just looking for some outstanding attractive woman either. I know that's unrealistic. But it's like Harry in the movie, When Harry Met Sally, ... "...when you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start right now." Well, my life is already half over. It's hard on my daughter too as she would like to have a stepmother (another problem as some women don't want to become an instant stepmother even if she has children herself).

[lastwomanstanding]

I want to say something without hopefully offending you. I don't know how overweight you are but women are just as shallow as men. Have you considered a gastric bypass? IDK if that's extreme or even if you are overweight enough to qualify for one. I would date a man who is 5'5", though I know there are women who won't. Good luck. weight training improves the metabolism, too if you can't get a bypass or don't want to. But don't bulk up. Some women (including me) do not find the shorter men who get muscles to make up for their height attractive. Again, good luck.

[Rhenzanite]

Why not go after short, fat women?

[redbean]

Originally Posted by shortoverweightguy

..I lack any passion in anything basically because I know I'm depressed. Yet another reason for women to look past me.

That is your basic problem right there.


but I am incapable as I've got nothing to offer except my heart but that's not good enough as I wreck everything by stammering and talking nervously when I get to the phone call stage with a woman.

And this. You need to work on your self esteem and depression issues. Its not so much your weight or height. My BF is 5'4" and a bit overweight. But he's cute and works out a lot, as well as having an awesome personality. I feel so lucky to have found him!

You need a therapist and a personal trainer, ASAP.

[dave nz]

The short is out of your control. The overweight is not. I suggest you do something about it if u want to attract more ladies.

[ja1myn]

Originally Posted by shortoverweightguy

Thanks Ja1myn...I do have to dress well for work and try to dress casual on the weekends and mindful about how I look of course. Thinking of doing smartlipo to lose weight that just won't come off. Of course, I'm not one of those just looking for some outstanding attractive woman either. I know that's unrealistic. But it's like Harry in the movie, When Harry Met Sally, ... "...when you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start right now." Well, my life is already half over. It's hard on my daughter too as she would like to have a stepmother (another problem as some women don't want to become an instant stepmother even if she has children herself).

Stop looking at all the potential problems. That's what's wrong with people today. They're always mindbanging themselves because they create their own mental roadblocks. If a chick can't respect the fact that you stepped up to the plate with a child you had with a woman who played you like a PlayStation, then she's obviously not for you.

And don't say that you'll never find an outstanding attractive woman. It could most certainly happen. There are fat chicks with really nice faces. And who's to say that you might not lose weight? There's always a way to lose weight. My mom struggled with her weight from the time she was 18 until she was 50. She turned 53 last month. She is as fit and active as I am. I boss it out on a treadmill every morning along with hitting some weights and acting like I can actually lift stuff. Everything is about your attitude.

Realize that your shortness is out of your control. Cool beans. Can't do anything about it. Your weight however is within your control. Eat healthy and work out. Be a champ. Show your daughter that her dad is a champ.

I totally support you doing any HEALTHY diet (none of those starvation or weird ass pill things) to get you in shape and healthier than you've ever been. I'm telling you mad, it can happen and it will if you're determined enough. My mom gets hit on by my 20 year old friends sometimes. That's how good looking she is.

[ElysianEagle]

dating and relationships have little to do with true love and everything to do with what you have to offer the other person *besides* love - your body, your status, your ability to father/mother children, etc etc.

furthermore, your value in the dating market is not just a function of what you have to offer, but how other's stack up against you as well. sure, you might have a heart of gold, but if a woman can find someone else that's in better shape or wealthier or whatever who also loves her, guess who she'll pick.

i'm sorry for your experience. but your life isn't meaningless - you have a kid that loves you and looks upto you. try and find happiness outside of dating and relationships if you can. i know it's easier said than done, but worth a shot.

oh, and do try and get in shape.