Marriage - I don't get this... (dating, long-term, how to, loving)
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A lot of people who hate marriage are stuck in bad marriages or have suffered through painful divorces. They overgeneralize from their own experiences.
At least on C-D, it doesn't seem to be the previously married people that hate marriage. I don't recall many posts from people who've been married that are as anti-marriage as some of the never-married men here.
So here's what I don't get. Why are so many people so anti-marriage to the point that they think that nobody should ever get married and they can't wait for it to die out (which I highly doubt it will). I understand not wanting to get married - I really do. We all want different things out of life. But while I don't think that EVERYONE should get married - I don't understand why some people seem to think that NOBODY should get married. Why not just do what's best for you and let others do what's best for them? Some people really love being married. I don't see what the big deal is. Can anyone explain all the hatred about something that is not mandatory?
Although marriage isn't mandatory, marriage is one of those things that in many cultures people expect young people to do. And here in America, if you plan on being a pubic figure, you have no choice but to get married because people would not take you seriously and you wouldn't even have a career. For example, every man (or woman) who runs for political office is MARRIED. Why can't a bachelor be a president? Why must every person show they have 2-3 kids, a goofy dog, and a house with a white fence? Are we all automatons?
Americans boast about celebrating diversity, but why does that only apply to race?
Although marriage isn't mandatory, marriage is one of those things that in many cultures people expect young people to do. And here in America, if you plan on being a pubic figure, you have no choice but to get married because people would not take you seriously and you wouldn't even have a career. For example, every man (or woman) who runs for political office is MARRIED. Why can't a bachelor be a president? Why must every person show they have 2-3 kids, a goofy dog, and a house with a white fence? Are we all automatons?
While I agree with your points, I must say that James Buchanan was a "bachelor" and a President. Some say he was gay. A President also married while in office (Grover Cleveland methinks). Yes, you are correct. There is still a stigma needlessly thrown onto unmarried people regardless of gender.
At least on C-D, it doesn't seem to be the previously married people that hate marriage. I don't recall many posts from people who've been married that are as anti-marriage as some of the never-married men here.
That's true. I think there's also a widespread trend, especially among men, of talking about marriage negatively. Many men learn to dread marriage, associating it with the end of their youth, the loss of their freedom and dread financial ruin in the case of divorce. It is kind of ironic, because I think you could argue that when marriages do work out, men often benefit more from them than women do. Older women who divorce or whose husbands die often have a large network of supportive female friends to fall back on and get their lives back together. Older who find themselves alone often lack such support, and become very lonley and depressed.
And our society has been trending for decades to place more importance on the individual than the group, and our neverending competitive consumerism has most of us convinced that the point to life is gratification. These things are counter intuitive to the sacrifices required in a marriage, especially once kids come along. Even a good marriage is challenging, and people are getting to the point where they don't want to put forth effort for things that are hard.
^^^^This x 1,000,000. Every word.
The easiest thing is almost never the right thing. Marriage is hard work but with the right person, the rewards are beyond imagination and the work doesn't feel like work.
While I agree with your points, I must say that James Buchanan was a "bachelor" and a President. Some say he was gay. A President also married while in office (Grover Cleveland methinks). Yes, you are correct. There is still a stigma needlessly thrown onto unmarried people regardless of gender.
Ha, yea.... If you're over a certain age, and not married with kids, people think you're gay (male or female).
I had one woman ask me, "so, do you bat for the other team?". In my mind I'm like, "How can people come to such conclusions simply because I'm not married?!" If anything, it goes to show how close people stick to life's script......
That's true. I think there's also a widespread trend, especially among men, of talking about marriage negatively. Many men learn to dread marriage, associating it with the end of their youth, the loss of their freedom and dread financial ruin in the case of divorce. It is kind of ironic, because I think you could argue that when marriages do work out, men often benefit more from them than women do. Older women who divorce or whose husbands die often have a large network of supportive female friends to fall back on and get their lives back together. Older who find themselves alone often lack such support, and become very lonley and depressed.
I agree with you. I've seen it IRL with guys I know, including my own SO, grappling with the "end of youth", "loss of freedom" mentality. I haven't encountered any worrying about financial ruin in the event of divorce though, when they haven't gotten to "committed relationship" stage, let alone marriage.
I think marriage gets a bad rap because of loss of freedom especially, because when you marry, you join with another, so you can't operate like a single person anymore with no regard for anyone but yourself. You can't be married and be selfish, and I see a lot of selfishness out there these days, the what's in it for me, and me alone, mentality. This type of person needs to not be in relationships, let alone a marriage. It's not about losing yourself, and it's not two people becoming one person, but you do become a single entity, working together, moving and growing in the same direction, and you can't do that when you're looking out for yourself only, and not your spouse, and your union.
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