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For the past three weeks, he's thought that I dumped him. This makes sense. He told me that he thought I didn't want him anymore after I told him that "we don't talk anymore" and "when was the last time you asked me 'how are you?'" and other things I said. He said he thought I didn't want him anymore because he couldn't give me the attention that I needed. All this time. Three weeks.
He finally got a chance to talk to me today, and I guess he saw that I hadn't left him any messages since the last time we spoke - the "I'm going to Alaska" conversation I posted on here a week ago - despite him saying we can talk another time, I didn't say anything, and he thought I was done. He sent me a message this morning saying:
Quote:
You're really mad at me...
Jen, I'm sorry I let you down. But I understand. Goodbye.
I'm crushed. I used the exact message because there's something about the way words are stated that's worth preserving when it comes to love. He thought I broke up with him, and I thought he broke up with me. This is probably the worst misunderstanding I've ever had in my life. I just told him that I'm sorry and that I screwed up somewhere. I just can't believe this. I feel like I was an attention who*e, and not only that, but my acting that way was being encouraged by a friend I had in my ear telling me that he wasn't treating me right and none of that was true I got upset at him for not talking to me. like some inconsiderate, super high-maintenance b**ch that I'm not.
Now I don't know what to do. I'm not sure whether there's anything I can do. I feel like I got my ass handed to me by some karma for the crime of listening to a "friend," and then losing it on someone who said he loved me, to the point I ran him away and made him think he couldn't make me happy. He thinks I'm so mad at him, that I just think he's so inadequate, and etc etc. I just feel terrible.
All this time I thought he was breaking up with me, and he was acting that way because he thought I had broken up with him... Can situations like these be repaired, or are they final?
call him, tell him some estrogen creature you call a friend gave you bad advice-just trying to protect you,,,and it wasnt until that last email, that I realized all the good points.....
see what he says....he migjht be taking it pretty hard,,,
its only words....and words are all ive got........
Three weeks huh? If you cared why did you take so long?
Because I thought he was breaking up with me. And he thought I broke up with him. Essentially both of us simultaneously thought the other broke up with the other.
[quote=Yiuppy;28235572] He told me that he thought I didn't want him anymore after I told him that "we don't talk anymore" and "when was the last time you asked me 'how are you?'" and other things I said. He said he thought I didn't want him anymore because he couldn't give me the attention that I needed. /QUOTE]
There is not a much worse way to "talk about your relationship" than this ^^^.
This is the nagging that men often complain about. It puts the other person into a corner that they can't get out of because if they give you what you want after being prompted like this, it feels fake. It feels like they are just trying to get points from you.
Once this starts, a relationship just feels like work.
Yes, it sounds like you screwed up, but it's hard to know if it can be repaired. Three weeks of a "misunderstanding" like this indicates that you two are 1) not in the same city and 2) terrible at communicating.
The BEST way to get what you want from your partner is to give it to them. That old phrase, "Be the change you want to see in the world" applies to YOUR world to. So if you "don't talk anymore," start talking to him. If you want him to ask you how you are, then ask how HE is.
I'm crushed. I used the exact message because there's something about the way words are stated that's worth preserving when it comes to love. He thought I broke up with him, and I thought he broke up with me. This is probably the worst misunderstanding I've ever had in my life. I just told him that I'm sorry and that I screwed up somewhere. I just can't believe this. I feel like I was an attention who*e, and not only that, but my acting that way was being encouraged by a friend I had in my ear telling me that he wasn't treating me right and none of that was true I got upset at him for not talking to me. like some inconsiderate, super high-maintenance b**ch that I'm not.
Now I don't know what to do. I'm not sure whether there's anything I can do. I feel like I got my ass handed to me by some karma for the crime of listening to a "friend," and then losing it on someone who said he loved me, to the point I ran him away and made him think he couldn't make me happy. He thinks I'm so mad at him, that I just think he's so inadequate, and etc etc. I just feel terrible.
All this time I thought he was breaking up with me, and he was acting that way because he thought I had broken up with him... Can situations like these be repaired, or are they final?
I don't understand how you didnt realize your actions during the whole situations were based off of poor judgement, and poor relationship type actions.
I guess it happens, but when it does, it hurts the OTHER person more than you understand.
It sounds like this guy handled it all incredibly well. To even apologize to you afterwards like he was wrong. Wow! Maybe he made mistakes as well, and that is what he apologizing for.
The old saying: Don't know what you got until it is gone.
Often times it is very true.
I don't know if this situation is repairable. I honestly question why you failed to recognize having a good thing while you had it. It really sounds like you were VERY unhappy with this guy when he was in your life. The extreme shift in value on this guy in your mind is concerning.
It is either one of two things: The relationship wasn't as good as you remember it to be
OR, you are very poor at analyzing a good thing when you do have it.
My advise for the OP: Let this situation/guy go. I believe if this guy REALLY was what you were looking for, you would not have acted the way you did while you had the guy.
If you truly did make a mistake here, and you really miss the guy, try to take this life lesson to appreciate when something/someone comes into your life that you want to keep around.
Usually break ups happen for a reason, and trying to get back together is so difficult. Usually one person is broken in a sense. Going backwards really isnt possible sometimes.
I feel like I got my ass handed to me by some karma for the crime of listening to a "friend," and then losing it on someone who said he loved me, to the point I ran him away and made him think he couldn't make me happy.
I think you pretty much summed it up. You could always send him flowers, apologize and ask him if the two of you could worked it out.
.........my acting that way was being encouraged by a friend I had in my ear telling me that he wasn't treating me right and none of that was true
Was it a male friend, by chance? Just curious, it seems like I hear a lot of stories about how a couple falls apart because some "guy friend" was telling the woman how bad her SO was treating her.
Anyway, doesn't really matter. I hope you can work it out.
It has died a natural death. It's final, in my view.
You weren't feeling it, you told him, now he's decided he's not feeling it either.
Life's too short to hang around with people who want you to change so I get where he's coming from. Your little hissy fit was a huge bucket of ice cold water on the poor guy. You couldn't have turned him off more if you'd tried.
He's probably already found a girl who enjoys him just the way he is so I'd say, apologise and move on. And try to take this lesson on board.
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I got upset at him for not talking to me. like some inconsiderate, super high-maintenance b**ch that I'm not.
