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As for making a scene when you leave...I think that's kind of childish and makes you look like a horses ass. Just break up with her. "This isn't working out for me, have a great life" and walk off. In my opinion, that will hurt her worse. She'll always wonder WTF happened.
In my opinion, even the bolded piece is a bit more than she deserves. Pack your bags and just be off on your new life one day/night when she comes home. Ignore calls, don't reply to emails. She'll know why you left.
In my opinion, even the bolded piece is a bit more than she deserves. Pack your bags and just be off on your new life one day/night when she comes home. Ignore calls, don't reply to emails. She'll know why you left.
Well the "have a great life" should be said with sarcasm...not sincerity.
Major league bad advice from a woman trying to persuade a guy to use a double standard. I know of no woman in his situation who would just say "okay, i wish you luck" and cooly walk away. No way, not after a three year committed/exclusive relationship. She would blow up to the point of me thinking I may need to call the cops just to defuse the situation. You know that as well as I do.
Okay, then as a man, I'll second that advice. There is NO POINT WHATSOEVER in making a scene. Just move on. And I know of a few women who would cooly walk away. You're trying to put people into a box, but the "one size fits all" approach simply does not work with human behavior.
Well the "have a great life" should be said with sarcasm...not sincerity.
Yeah, I know what you meant. I guess really the point I was making is that he doesn't owe an explanation at all. Not even a "this isn't working out." Just move on and let her figure it out on her own.
If a man walked out on me with little to no explanation that would hurt MUCH worse and drive me freakin' nuts, more so than if there was a reason, fight, issue...etc.
haha, good try. When I was younger, I got caught cheating in addition to having friends being caught, and it's never a pretty scene in almost every case. No this is not speculation, its from front line experience. And I've grown from it.... what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
I don't really understand what you are asking here. Do you want advice on what to do? Dump her.
You don't owe her an explanation at all. You aren't married to her so there is no reason to try and work things out. You felt you were justified in searching through her computer, she felt she was justified in cheating behind your back. I can't see how this would be repaired.
As for making a scene when you leave...I think that's kind of childish and makes you look like a horses ass. Just break up with her. "This isn't working out for me, have a great life" and walk off. In my opinion, that will hurt her worse. She'll always wonder WTF happened.
Nailed it and I agree with all but the last, if she asks I would tell her why. I would not however allow her to draw me into any argument whatsoever.
These types of situations can tend to push you toward becoming the worst possible version of yourself but you are or should be a gentleman and this includes in adversity or at your extremity. She has given up all honor, try as best you can not to give up yours.
Yeah, I know what you meant. I guess really the point I was making is that he doesn't owe an explanation at all. Not even a "this isn't working out." Just move on and let her figure it out on her own.
Exactly. She'll know why you left. Don't even allow her the undeserved opportunity to defend herself (aka lie). Do you really want to hear that?
My GF and I have been in a comitted (so I thought) relationship for three years.. For the past of couple month or so there have been nights with her coming in from work later than normal and a general "odd feel" between us. I'm a very trusting person but last night I decided to drive by where she said she'd be-watching the kids of a friend. No car, parents home, hmmm. I finally said "screw it", went back home and popped on her computer. After a quick search for "*.jpg" my fears were confirmed-penis pics. They were even forwarded to her email from her phone, so these were texted to her and "saved".
This person is someone that she knows from before we were together and occasionally pops by.
OK, now what. Yeah-I crossed "the line" but now I'm in a situation of knowing what's up and her now asking me "what's wrong". I did my best of trying to act like I saw nothing but that pretty much failed.
How the hell do I tactfully step into this ****storm of a situation?
Thanks for listening, I joined this forum for the hope of some words of advice.
-D
What you should have done was just address the "odd feel" when it happened. Failing that, you should have confronted her about her not actually babysitting.
But now you've gone and violated her privacy, so there is no tactful way to step into this. Just repeat your first paragraph to her, replacing "she" and "her" with "you." Also explain that you know how very wrong you were to go snooping on her computer and how terrible you feel about violating her privacy that way. Acknowledge that the ends don't justify the means, and you know you shouldn't have done that. When she calms down--because yes, she'll probably be upset--bring the subject back to her cheating.
Or just dump her lying, cheating arse. That's would I would do.
haha, good try. When I was younger, I got caught cheating in addition to having friends being caught, and it's never a pretty scene in almost every case. No this is not speculation, its from front line experience. And I've grown from it.... what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
And yet you didn't address my point. You are thinking like a man...all your experiences that you have stated are about MEN being caught cheating on their girlfriends.
I'm telling you that with women, silence speaks louder than any words he could ever say to her or pissy fit he could have. If he has a fit, she has power over him and his emotions. If he casually walks away it will eat her up.
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