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Thing is, she doesn't have a lot of choices. If she doesn't have you she's merely a girl living at home with her parents, in debt, without a great job. Technically she doesn't have a leg to stand on without you.
I would base the decision on whether or not she shows promise of wanting to better her situation. I wouldn't move in with her currently though.
Last edited by findly185; 03-06-2013 at 05:47 AM..
Well tell her what my then BF told me when I suggest I move in with him. He said, I don't think I can afford it/you. He also said is there enough room here for you?
And he said that when he only pays $500/mo including ALL utilities and has no rent increase ever. But then again, pretty sure his monthly salary is also not much as you. And he has 2 bedrooms. LOL.
He married me eventually and we only use 1 bedroom and he did make room for me, he stashed his junk on his shed and gave me drawers for my clothes. He also is planning to buy a house soon.
And I contribute $0 for now. There's a valid reason why but once I sort it out, I will of course get a job and contribute and take care of him the way he takes care of me.
Sounds to me like she needs to stay living with her parents, so that they can continue to support her. You list a lot of "cons" regarding allowing her to move in and become your dependent. That isn't a good way to continue a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, it will turn it into a Parent/child relationship at this stage. Not a good thing at all. If you were my son, I'd say definitely NOT. Good luck on this....and if you do decide that you are going to allow her to come be your roommate, at least you'll only have yourself to blame because clearly you see this is a poor choice at this time.
Someone who's down on their luck, who's underemployed and may not be able to contribute much financially, etc, is not the same as someone with garnished wages who has 10K in debt and repossessions. OP's girlfriend has been extremely irresponsible with money and he's right to be concerned. That needs to be fixed before they're financially tied together in any way. It's absolute hyperbole to interpret OP's desire to maintain financial security as him just seeing her as a good lay, or F buddy, and not fair to him at all. And I'm a woman saying this.
OP, here are some questions for you to think about. you don't have to answer them here or anything, just food for thought.
-does she understand what her mistakes were and how to avoid repeating them?
-how long will it take her to pay off her debt?
-even if she can't financially contribute very much is she willing to contribute in other ways? Lots of aspects to running a household. If I make 95% of the income but my SO does most of the cleaning, or cooking, or dog walking (for example), I wouldn't mind that too much.
-will she want to spend a ton of your money on stuff? I don't mean necessities, but is she likely to start wanting expensive items that she doesn't really need?
-what are her ultimate financial goals in life? does she want to be a SAHM (nothing wrong with that)? does she want to eventually get a career going after digging herself out of the financial hole? Does she have a plan in place to do that?
-if you were to sit down with her and draw up a plan to see where she will be in one years' time, two years' time, three years' time...with the end goal being to move in together, debts cleared, and hopefully have her on track, what would she say--would she be receptive to that?
-what are the chances she will repeat these bad financial behaviors? (I said this twice because it bears repeating)
I actually do think 9 months is a little soon to move in together, I wouldn't do it myself, but not everyone is as cautious or paranoid as I am. Has her situation improved since you've been together....or worsened? It seems like there is a very real chance that she's wanting to move out of her parents' house, and you're the best candidate because unlike a friend, it's not unheard of for a SO to support you. I'm not actually sure she's after your money so much as wanting independence. It will likely take years to get back on track and she can make her problems yours if you were to get married (if she's pressuring for marriage right away, then I'd be leery of her being after your money at this stage in the game). After all the work you said you've done, you don't want that.
Do not listen to the people saying that you are using her for sex simply because you wont let her move in with you.
You have a right to protect yourself financially. She is not your wife and you dont have kids with her.
I wonder if the OP was female and the boyfriend had the bad financial situation would they be for them moving in together? I suspect not, there is a large double standard in todays society.
I'd say no. Anyone who lets themselves get in such bad shape financially can't be a good risk. Tell her she can spend weekends with you, but she can't move in. Once she gets her finances organized and has enough money to split the bills with you, then it will be sustainable.
If she whines now, being married will be wonderful.
She wants to live with me and Like I understood she couldn't pay half (rent is about 1200 dollars by the time bills show up). Literally after her budget is gone....she's maybe MAYBE has $100 to contribute. This....kinda scares me and makes me feel uneasy first of all. Especially since I can pay the entire rent + everything by myself.
Secondly, if she was to sign a lease and pay literally nothing....and we got married, she'd technically "own" 50% of the payments I believe made towards it, so I would literally have ZERO say if we broke up...hell it'd be the same if we weren't married.
If you really love her and can see a future with her, just accept that you will be the breadwinner until further notice and put her on the lease. There are many couples where one person pays most of the bills. Yes, things can go wrong later, but that's the risk you take when you decide to share your life with someone else.
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