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I've been married 25 years. Although I love my SO, it seems we are growing apart. It seems at this point in life we both want something different. We had kids at an early age and they are now grown. My SO wants to settle down and I want to be out and having fun. I didn't get to go out and have fun because of having kids at an early age. My SO went out while the kids were growing up. I feel it's my time now. Anyhow, I'm a responsible adult and enjoy going out at night on occasion to listen to live music. I want my SO to be there to enjoy it with me. My SO has been there in the past couple years but decided not to go out anymore. I know it may sound stupid but it's something I really enjoy and it releases stress. I don't mind going with friends but at this point all of our friends are couples and I want us both to go out as a couple anyway. My SO says I have to grow up and we are to old for it, mind you we're only 41 and 42. I call him an old fart. LOL
There is one other issue I have with my SO. I know I can't force him to do this either. My SO grew up in the city and the schools were terrible there. Although he graduated high school, the education he received was for the birds. My SO never continued his education after high school. Some of his grammer drives me nuts. I find myself correcting him alot of times. Anyhow, I wish he'd go back to school and further his education. The main reason is to get a trade or something so he can find a decent job. He's always been in a dead end job where it doesn't feel like he contributes his portion. My SO's runs his own business which never is steady (part time) and by the end of the year never amounts to anything. I feel alot of it has been put on my shoulders over the years and it causes resentment. I know this may not be right but over the past couple years I've started working part time because I couldn't handle the stress anymore. I feel like it's time for my SO to step up to the plate and take more responsibility.
you will be divorced within 3 years unless you change your attitude- I've seen this record play 100 times- the kids are gone and one spouse "wants something more" which isnt so bad to explore new adventures but unless its together you will drift further apart
once you start getting outside "attention" from men-maybe its happening now, you will find all kinds of reasons to justify and validate, that you "need" a "change"
you knew the deal going into this and having kids
im assuming he's invested most of his life in you and the kids....now you are on the road to discard him
yeah, i sound harsh and im sure "it hasnt got to this point" but i have witnessed this too many times.
if you want him to be more-go back to school, then you will be his support system,,,not putting him down
the marriage compass sounds like its pointing south, if you want it to point north, then take his hand and do it together
the "I havent had my fun" because of kids is b.s. he stuck by you, you can stick by him.
nothing wrong with tackling new adventures-as long as it is together
you will be divorced within 3 years unless you change your attitude- I've seen this record play 100 times- the kids are gone and one spouse "wants something more" which isnt so bad to explore new adventures but unless its together you will drift further apart
once you start getting outside "attention" from men-maybe its happening now, you will find all kinds of reasons to justify and validate, that you "need" a "change"
you knew the deal going into this and having kids
im assuming he's invested most of his life in you and the kids....now you are on the road to discard him
yeah, i sound harsh and im sure "it hasnt got to this point" but i have witnessed this too many times.
if you want him to be more-go back to school, then you will be his support system,,,not putting him down
the marriage compass sounds like its pointing south, if you want it to point north, then take his hand and do it together
the "I havent had my fun" because of kids is b.s. he stuck by you, you can stick by him.
nothing wrong with tackling new adventures-as long as it is together
just my two cents
Wish i could lazy-rep you more than one time. AGREE FULLY!!!!
Asking your hubby to go places with you where he doesn't want to go is not going to work. Would you want to go with him to some activity that he enjoyed but that you hated on a regular basis ? No, you wouldn't and nor should he. Work a deal with him where you go together to a concert a couple of times a year and let him pick the venue. He's not telling you not to go, so go without him other times and enjoy .
I'd let go of the grammar thing. It's hurtful to him. At 42, his grammar patterns are set and established.They're not going to change. He's also probably around people at work who have the same grammar usages which reinforces his.
Are you saying that his only employment is part time self employment? Or that he has a dead end job, plus self employment ? If his only work is part time, then this may be something you could work on. How have you raised a family for 25 years this way ? Did you manage to survive as a stay at home mom and raise kids on this part time work ? Then it could not have been too bad financially
Although he may feel that if it worked out OK this way for the past 25 years, why should it not continue. After getting the kids out on their own, he may be looking to slow down, whereas you want him to expand his work horizons. You two are definitely not on the same page there. Have you actually discussed this with him ? Try to fin out what he is thinking.
Some marriage counseling may be in order here. If he won't go, then go alone. You seem like you have an image in mind of what you want your husband to be and are trying to make him over in that image. That will never work. Sometimes sitting down with some one outside the situation can be helpful.
Maybe you can plan a "date night" when you go out for dinner and/or entertainment, then back home for special rewards. I don't know if that would work for your hubby, but it could work for me. Heck, if the rewards were good enough I'd be suggesting 7 nights out a week.
My wife is a little like your husband. She likes to stay home. She still works, but after work it's home. Usually our dinners out are the days I pick her up from work, and her work day ends at 4 p.m. or earlier, so we're still home by 6. And no, it wouldn't work for me to give her special rewards. She gets those whenever she wants 'em.
Although he may feel that if it worked out OK this way for the past 25 years, why should it not continue.
Correct. And he's likely not going to change.
And she's probably fed up and not willing to compromise/sacrifice anymore.
I can see both sides.
I think it's promising that she wants to go out with him still though.
She could easily just go out without him and even NOT want him to go. (he probably wouldn't care anyway)
I agree that she should let the grammar problem go though, and at 42, she has to accept that he may not want to make a brand new career.
You know sometimes marriages just run their course. It isn't set in stone that you have to be together til the day you die.
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I'm sorry but...
