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I have decided to give online dating a second try. I was home sick this week and decided to do a new profile on POF. Just wanted some opinions....
So, I posted my ad on Thursday and I found a couple of people that sparked my interest. One guy,
Vincent, asked me on Friday if I wanted to go out Friday night. I still wasn't feeling good so I said no, we ended up deciding on lunch Saturday. He called me Saturday morning and we set up initially for around 12:00 Saturday. He told me he was running errands and he would call me back. Just to skip ahead we ended up not getting at lunch until after 2:00. Mostly his fault and partly mine. He starts complaining and at this point, I was really debating on turning around and going home. He was complaining so much about having to drive all over town. The traffic was bad, but I am not that bothered by traffic. I was annoyed and said if you still want to meet up we can just do Starbucks or go dutch.
Finally, I pulled up to his car and was pleasantly surprised. He was gorgeous. He was cute in his pictures, but was super hot in person. Lunch was cool. He definitely knows he's cute (which he is), funny (but not as funny as he thinks, intelligent (uses an annoying amount of big words at times), overall good personality.
He asked me what I was doing that night. He said he was meeting his friend downtown at a club/lounge and wanted to see if I wanted to come. I told him I would let him know. Then he's like so what are you doing after you leave here. I had no real plans, just a little shopping. He asked if he could tag along. I said sure that was cool with me. We went to some stores and walked and talked more.
He called me me around 7:30 to check-in, said he had a good time and we should get together again soon.
We talked for maybe 3-4 minutes. Then this morning he text me at 9:30 asking if I was going to church and if I wanted to go workout. I told him yesterday I worked out in my gym (in my complex) and we said we should work out together some time. I told him no because I felt worse again after I went out yesterday.
I know I am probably rambling, but these are some things I am thinking about:
1. He took me up on my offer to pay dutch. Maybe I need to get more with the times, but I have never ever paid for a first date or gone dutch. I know I offered, but I thought he would decline. At one store he bought some expensive hair products (but didn't pay for my lunch) and he mentioned how cheap he is. Money is not an issue for me, but I just think the guy should pay for the first date.
2. He's so freaking cute!!!! I was really still annoyed up until the point I saw him. If he wasn't so cute I probably wouldn't have wanted to still go on the date. I was thinking about it after the date, not sure it would be so great if he wasn't so cute!! I'm sure that sounds really silly, but just being honest.
3. He did apologize at the restaurant for all the complaining, etc. He was complaining about having to drive across town, the traffic in the area I chose, etc. He said he hadn't eaten all day, so I guess he was tired and hungry. He was fine once we got to the restaurant.
4. Is he contacting me too much? I thought it was nice he called, but just not used to someone wanting to call and hang out this much this soon. If he hadn't called or texted I would probably complained.
5. Last we met on POF & I can see in my e-mail that I have more message that I would like to check. If he sees me logged in that means he is too, but still seems weird. We have only gone on one date, so of course there is no commitment. Is there any way for people to not know you logged in? This is still new too me. If you meet someone you would like to see again, is it weird for them to see you up there still searching?
Hey good for you getting out there. I have tons to say about this but my computer keeps on deleting. I'm excited for you. I will be back when I get some cooperation from my computer here. But no, it's not weird for them to see you online. He hasn't asked for commitment yet to answer your main question. It is a mistake to act as though you're committed when you are not. Trust me. (I just got dumped by a guy like this so I want to share with you my mistakes. I'll be back)
1. He took me up on my offer to pay dutch. Maybe I need to get more with the times, but I have never ever paid for a first date or gone dutch. I know I offered, but I thought he would decline. At one store he bought some expensive hair products (but didn't pay for my lunch) and he mentioned how cheap he is. Money is not an issue for me, but I just think the guy should pay for the first date.
Why do you 'just think' that? What about having a y-chromosome obligates one to be financially responsible for first dates?
I think if more people would think about the reasons that men have traditionally been expected to pay for date people would run screaming from that tradition.
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2. He's so freaking cute!!!! I was really still annoyed up until the point I saw him. If he wasn't so cute I probably wouldn't have wanted to still go on the date. I was thinking about it after the date, not sure it would be so great if he wasn't so cute!! I'm sure that sounds really silly, but just being honest.
Doesn't sound silly at all. Attraction is an important factor in dating.
Quote:
4. Is he contacting me too much? I thought it was nice he called, but just not used to someone wanting to call and hang out this much this soon. If he hadn't called or texted I would probably complained.
Hey good for you getting out there. I have tons to say about this but my computer keeps on deleting. I'm excited for you. I will be back when I get some cooperation from my computer here. But no, it's not weird for them to see you online. He hasn't asked for commitment yet to answer your main question. It is a mistake to act as though you're committed when you are not. Trust me. (I just got dumped by a guy like this so I want to share with you my mistakes. I'll be back)
Thanks I would love to hear your experience!!
Yeah, definitely not committed. It just feels kind of weird going back on there and I might see him on there. I am probably making too much out of it. I do that with everything.
This is only the 2nd person I have met offline and that experience wasn't good at all. Still trying to figure this out.
Why do you 'just think' that? What about having a y-chromosome obligates one to be financially responsible for first dates?
I think if more people would think about the reasons that men have traditionally been expected to pay for date people would run screaming from that tradition.
Doesn't sound silly at all. Attraction is an important factor in dating.
Then you have issues.
Yeah, I openly admit I have issues....I am working on them.
Filihok...I am probably old fashioned and I guess the guys I have dated are old fashioned, because I have offered to pay before and no one has ever taken me up on that. I am not referring to every date, just not the first date. I'm not cheap and have paid for dates before. He even mentioned the fact later on that he was cheap (maybe that's not the word that he used). Being smart w/money is one thing, but cheap is another. I'm not going to lie, I felt kind of embarrassed when the check game. He did at least pay the tip. I probably would have paid a little more.
Yeah, I openly admit I have issues....I am working on them.
Filihok...I am probably old fashioned and I guess the guys I have dated are old fashioned, because I have offered to pay before and no one has ever taken me up on that. I am not referring to every date, just not the first date. I'm not cheap and have paid for dates before. He even mentioned the fact later on that he was cheap (maybe that's not the word that he used). Being smart w/money is one thing, but cheap is another. I'm not going to lie, I felt kind of embarrassed when the check game. He did at least pay the tip. I probably would have paid a little more.
Why on earth would your feel embarrassed about paying for food that you ordered and ate?
Perhaps this is one of the issues you should be working on
Yeah, I openly admit I have issues....I am working on them.
Filihok...I am probably old fashioned and I guess the guys I have dated are old fashioned, because I have offered to pay before and no one has ever taken me up on that. I am not referring to every date, just not the first date. I'm not cheap and have paid for dates before. He even mentioned the fact later on that he was cheap (maybe that's not the word that he used). Being smart w/money is one thing, but cheap is another. I'm not going to lie, I felt kind of embarrassed when the check game. He did at least pay the tip. I probably would have paid a little more.
RED FLAG ALERT I'm not sure about the rest of it, but leaving a lousy tip on the first date is something most guys know better than to do.
It wasn't lousy, but I thought we got 20% service and he left a little over 10%. I think he should've at least left 15%. I would have put something down, but he said I have the tip.
I have decided to give online dating a second try. I was home sick this week and decided to do a new profile on POF. Just wanted some opinions....
So, I posted my ad on Thursday and I found a couple of people that sparked my interest. One guy,
Vincent, asked me on Friday if I wanted to go out Friday night. I still wasn't feeling good so I said no, we ended up deciding on lunch Saturday. He called me Saturday morning and we set up initially for around 12:00 Saturday. He told me he was running errands and he would call me back. Just to skip ahead we ended up not getting at lunch until after 2:00. Mostly his fault and partly mine. He starts complaining and at this point, I was really debating on turning around and going home. He was complaining so much about having to drive all over town. The traffic was bad, but I am not that bothered by traffic. I was annoyed and said if you still want to meet up we can just do Starbucks or go dutch.
Finally, I pulled up to his car and was pleasantly surprised. He was gorgeous. He was cute in his pictures, but was super hot in person. Lunch was cool. He definitely knows he's cute (which he is), funny (but not as funny as he thinks, intelligent (uses an annoying amount of big words at times), overall good personality.
He asked me what I was doing that night. He said he was meeting his friend downtown at a club/lounge and wanted to see if I wanted to come. I told him I would let him know. Then he's like so what are you doing after you leave here. I had no real plans, just a little shopping. He asked if he could tag along. I said sure that was cool with me. We went to some stores and walked and talked more.
He called me me around 7:30 to check-in, said he had a good time and we should get together again soon.
We talked for maybe 3-4 minutes. Then this morning he text me at 9:30 asking if I was going to church and if I wanted to go workout. I told him yesterday I worked out in my gym (in my complex) and we said we should work out together some time. I told him no because I felt worse again after I went out yesterday.
I know I am probably rambling, but these are some things I am thinking about:
1. He took me up on my offer to pay dutch. Maybe I need to get more with the times, but I have never ever paid for a first date or gone dutch. I know I offered, but I thought he would decline. At one store he bought some expensive hair products (but didn't pay for my lunch) and he mentioned how cheap he is. Money is not an issue for me, but I just think the guy should pay for the first date.
2. He's so freaking cute!!!! I was really still annoyed up until the point I saw him. If he wasn't so cute I probably wouldn't have wanted to still go on the date. I was thinking about it after the date, not sure it would be so great if he wasn't so cute!! I'm sure that sounds really silly, but just being honest.
3. He did apologize at the restaurant for all the complaining, etc. He was complaining about having to drive across town, the traffic in the area I chose, etc. He said he hadn't eaten all day, so I guess he was tired and hungry. He was fine once we got to the restaurant.
4. Is he contacting me too much? I thought it was nice he called, but just not used to someone wanting to call and hang out this much this soon. If he hadn't called or texted I would probably complained.
5. Last we met on POF & I can see in my e-mail that I have more message that I would like to check. If he sees me logged in that means he is too, but still seems weird. We have only gone on one date, so of course there is no commitment. Is there any way for people to not know you logged in? This is still new too me. If you meet someone you would like to see again, is it weird for them to see you up there still searching?
1. It was a mistake for him to accept your offer to pay for your food. That said, (IMO) it was a mistake for you to offer. I'd prefer just letting the guy cover the cost and saying Thank You with a friendly smile as he reaches for his card. In relative terms, his mistake was 'bigger' than yours so it's not a knock against you but, on future first dates, my advice is to let the man pay for the entire cost.
2. Looks are a factor and, the less you know each other, the more they count. Don't keep seeing him just b/c you think he's cute.
3. People get frustrated so, if he was OK in person, I wouldn't hold the complaining against him too much.
4. Yes. There are no official rules about this but, unless it's a match-made-in-heaven/planets lining up type of fit, his behavior is atypical. Asking you to join him that evening, asking to tag along right after the date, calling later that PM, and inviting you to church/working out (which are 'couples type' activities) is very atypical. It indicates desperation/neediness/clinginess. Definitely a red flag.
5. Don't get into this stuff about who saw whose profile when and when was the last time so and so logged in. If you want to search for more hits, please do so. It's totally normal to keep looking after a date with someone else on the site. I can tell you this...the person you went out with is still looking, so why shouldn't you. When I did online dating, I'd slow down my activity if I met someone who seemed promising but there's no reason to stop using the site after just one date. Generally, try not to check when someone else logged in, or hide your login stats, etc. Just use the site for what it is and when you think it's worth logging in.
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good for you getting out there. I have tons to say about this but my computer keeps on deleting. I'm excited for you. I will be back when I get some cooperation from my computer here. But no, it's not weird for them to see you online. He hasn't asked for commitment yet to answer your main question. It is a mistake to act as though you're committed when you are not. Trust me. (I just got dumped by a guy like this so I want to share with you my mistakes. I'll be back)
RED FLAG ALERT 
