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I'm in the process of purchasing a new home and recently my boyfriend of less than 6 months asked me if we were to marry would he be entitled to part of my home and if we were married would we share all our income . Now, I'm a smart girl and this threw up HUGE red flags. He has debt and absolutely NO assets or retirement and makes about 1/4 of what I make. I have absolutely NO DEBT, I have retirement savings, a great career, currently own a home which the equity is being used on my new house, I have substantial cash and assets.
Is this normal? Does it sound like he's just curious if he moved into my house and helped with the upkeep would he have a vested interest or does it sound like (and this is what I think) he is a GOLD DIGGER and just wants to know if he proposed and we married what's in it for him.
ToMarryOrNotToMarry
Your instincts are correct with the red flags. Why are you even entertaining the notion of a continued relationship with this man? I'd get rid of him if I were you.
Oh, and yes. With a good lawyer, he could take a lot.
i think we need more context in this situation to determine if he is really in the wrong, but given the OP's attitude toward him she should prob end it.
if things were getting serious between them and she went off and bought a house under her name, i could see him asking about her intentions. he may just be trying to figure out if she really takes him seriously as marriage material. we don't know much about their situation, either. maybe he intends on moving in, paying her rent, and helping with household maintenaince/fixing things. maybe he just wants to know where the relationship stands and if she sees him in her future. depends on how he phrased the question.
LOL if a guy was posting this he would get flamed and run off the forum.... Sounds like she has deep seeded issues with making more $$ than her man. Maybe you should find another guy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Percentage
its funny that majority of the response is against pursuing the relationship any further when if the roles were different most will have no qualms with the man sticking with the woman. Oh equality in 2013.... gotta love it.
Oh, bullcrap. I will call out a leech where I see one, regardless of gender. Maybe you two should come around a little more.
I think that even if the OP's bf is good company, if she's determined that he's not marriage material, in all fairness to him, she should break up with him.
Anybody can be good company for a while, but not every romantic relationship turns into a marriage. And if it's not heading that way, breakup and start only dating marriage material people. The older a person is, the more important this rule is to follow. Life is too short to waste time with losers.
Well that presumes that one's ultimate goal is marriage.
Is this normal? Does it sound like he's just curious if he moved into my house and helped with the upkeep would he have a vested interest or does it sound like (and this is what I think) he is a GOLD DIGGER and just wants to know if he proposed and we married what's in it for him.
ToMarryOrNotToMarry
Of course its normal. He just said it out loud.
It would be unwise not to consider how a marriage would make ones life better or worse. Im surprised he didnt already know the answers to his questions or that he asked you instead of someone else.
If you marry you best be willing to share your treasures for better or for worse. If your not, dont marry.
Well that presumes that one's ultimate goal is marriage.
Well the older any adult gets, the more interested they are in having a permanent long term commitment with a partner such as a marriage. Women especially feel this way, and the OP is a woman. And in my family, we believe that marriage is particularly important if children are planned or real estate will be owned jointly. And the OP is a woman who is contemplating purchasing a house.
You seem to be fairly suspicious of him and his motives...if this is the case, why are you dating him?
My ex and I had been living together for several years when he decided he wanted to buy a house. I myself was opposed to buying a house, and did not want it to be something we owned together. We were not married, and I in no way wanted to co-own property with a boyfriend. Truth be known, I didn't ever have any desire to be on the deed. Given him giving me the boot rather abruptly five years in, this turned out to be a very good thing.
Yes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oceangaia
Since you're obviously very concerned and unsure about his motivations, you are not even close to the point where you should be considering marriage (or even cohabitation). Although if he was a true gold digger I think he would have kept quiet about it to you and researched it thoroughly elsewhere.
Are you guys really serious? Do you see yourselves moving in together and/or getting married one day? If you guys have discussed moving in together/marriage, then I can see why he might want to know what the deal is. It may not be a matter of him wanting to mooch of you, but not wanting to contribute to the mortgage of a house that isn't his. A couple months before my ex and I got married we bought a house together. I was an idiot and I let him buy the house without my name on it. I contributed a few K to closing costs and I helped pay half of that mortage for almost 2 years. When we got a divorce my name wasn't on the house and because of the laws in my state I wasn't entitled to anything because he closed on the house PRIOR to our getting married. You better believe I would not move in with a man and help him buy his house. I'm just offering you a different perspective. What if I had lived and paid for that house for 20 years, then we got a divorce and the house was actually worth money? I'd have lost big time.
He's your boyfriend. Surely after six months you know him enough to get a general sense of why he's asking. Does he pay for dinner when you go out? Does he expect you always pick up the tab or buy him things or take him on vacation? Is he working full time and trying to get himself out of debt? If you guys are serious enough to be talking moving in then you should be able to sit down and discuss why he asked. If you're not serious and never talk abou the future, then yeah...him asking might be kinda weird.
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and if we were married would we share all our income 
