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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,742,544 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blossom4792
Oh my gosh, he came over to break up with me. There was no discussion. He said his feelings had "plateaued" and he didn't see any point in continuing. I said that relationships have phases, that the euphoric phase transitions. He said he knew that but still.
I have to say this was pretty much out of the blue. I have been feeling some insecurity, but thought things were just moving along, and that we were breaking out of the winter blues, a lot of stress in his life, and that a new phase was coming.
Ouch ... major depression.
Look at it this way. He didn't string you along. He thought enough of you to be brutally honest and do it in person (I've gotten the let's just be friends text more times than I'd like ). Now you can move on and have closure.
However, we never talk about "the relationship" ...
This here seemed to stick out to me. You definately sound surprised by his decision to end the relationship. However, you admitted that the two of you have not discussed the relationship. That means both of you are guaging the health and growth off of assumptions, and not working together to work through issues.
I wouldn't let a relationship go that long again without having some discussions about it's direction, and such. Imnproving a relationship, and continuing to grow together (and not apart) takes communication.
Still, it is terrible to hear of the breakup! I am sorry!
Ouch. I'm really sorry. Maybe things haven't been going as well as you thought and he's been thinking about this for awhile. I think it was pretty big of him to come over and talk to you and not just blow you off or break up with you in a text like some people do. At least he was honest. I hope you feel better.
"post-argument: boyfriend wants to talk in person - good or bad sign?"
Hearing this from a man is almost always a bad sign. Sorry to hear about your heartbreak. It always sucks.
Please don't get yourself all worked up based on what the responses to your post are. You need to be prepared for the worst. I think it's not a good sign. However, I could be totally wrong. I base that on him saying over the phone it's not working out. Most importantly. If he breaks up with you, don't show any emotion. Don't cry or ask for a second chance. Just say ok and leave. This will make him wonder if he's doing the right thing and put you in a better position for getting back together. Be prepared for the worst. Be happy if it doesn't happen. And be happy if it does because if you handle it right, a break up doesn't have to be permanent. Good luck and think about working on your communication skills. It's not good to talk too much about the relationship , however, sometimes these things need to be discussed here and there. A break up is NOT one of those times. Most people need work on their communication skills. I really do wish you the best.
Good sign that he is open to talking, but a bad sign that after 10 months, when you should still be in the honeymoon phase of your relationship that you are requiring to have such a conversation...........
I think 10 months is past the honeymoon. (?) But yes, if he is going to break up with you, I think it's great at least he's man enough and respects you enough to do this in person. But like I said above, don't get all worked up. No one knows for sure. Just be prepared.
Thanks everyone. Despite the fact that we never talked about "the relationship" there were plenty of positive signs: he introduced me to his family (in two different states, i.e. involving a lot of travel, and they LOVED me), he introduced me to all of his friends and colleagues, and his best childhood friend (again, in another state), met my best friend in another state, he called me every day, and things in general were just moving ahead, little things that kept getting added on like you would expect in something moving forward ...
And a week ago we were mapping out our summer ...
Also his daughter (who is 7) confided in me that he had told his father that he was planning to ask me to marry him.
On the bad side, my pre-adolescent daughter has recently become moody and difficult and this was stressing him out (although honestly, he has been very sweet to her), and he is under some unprecedented stress (selling a building used for a business, trying to buy a small house contingent on getting the building sold) and a VERY stressful and important job.
And then I guess one of the final things that may be big: he is compulsively neat (anal, like the most anal neat person you have ever met); I am somewhere in the middle and my pre-teen daughter is an absolute slob. So I always thought that was probably an issue and indeed it seemed to be something he was getting at ...
But there must be some room between talk and a break-up ...
But I did keep it calm and cordial, I didn't lash out, didn't cry, didn't take any cheap shots, just asked some questions and said I understood. I also said that I understood that relationships have a conflict stage where the euphoria is not so great and you try to work out issues and he said he knew that, but that wasn't it.
Also his daughter (who is 7) confided in me that he had told his father that he was planning to ask me to marry him.
He was talking about marrying you, then he left you? On the other hand you can Love someone and still not live with them or be in an evironment that they can't handle. I dated a women with sons, 10-13. She could have been the one, but the boys were in and out of trouble to no end. I would have gone mad.
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). Now you can move on and have closure.
