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I'm with a girl that I get along with incredibly well, and am incredibly attracted to.
She had a rough, rough childhood, and as a result, she is sort of raw in some areas that normally require parents directly guiding children in.
Don't get me wrong - she's super friendly, polite to people and has an excellent caring personality.
But one thing that really stands out is her table manners. The thing is, she's not doing it on purpose. She just never learned in the first place because of her rough upbringing.
She sometimes chews with her mouth open or talks with food in her mouth. I've tried being subtle about it "Sorry, I can't hear what you're saying when you've got food in your mouth..." And she apologizes for it, but it's a lifelong habit that has formed.
How can I bring up this very sensitive subject with her in a way that won't offend her? It's not the biggest deal in the world when we are just sitting around the two of us, but I could see it being a bit embarrassing for both of us going on double dates, her meeting my parents, etc.
Just tell her straight up. I mean preface it with assurance that you're not trying to be a prude or embarrass her, but that you want to do her a favor.
It's much better than what my dad did, just slap me out of my chair.
She sounds like a great person, and like she would understand that you mean well as long as you phrase things gently. She will probably appreciate the opportunity to learn how to fit in better with your friends and family!
You might keep in mind that the manners you are used to are not 'correct', they are just the manners of a culture different from the one she grew up in. I expect that, where she grew up, she is considered to have great table manners. And I also think she would love to learn your culture .
I'm with a girl that I get along with incredibly well, and am incredibly attracted to.
She had a rough, rough childhood, and as a result, she is sort of raw in some areas that normally require parents directly guiding children in.
Don't get me wrong - she's super friendly, polite to people and has an excellent caring personality.
But one thing that really stands out is her table manners. The thing is, she's not doing it on purpose. She just never learned in the first place because of her rough upbringing.
She sometimes chews with her mouth open or talks with food in her mouth. I've tried being subtle about it "Sorry, I can't hear what you're saying when you've got food in your mouth..." And she apologizes for it, but it's a lifelong habit that has formed.
How can I bring up this very sensitive subject with her in a way that won't offend her? It's not the biggest deal in the world when we are just sitting around the two of us, but I could see it being a bit embarrassing for both of us going on double dates, her meeting my parents, etc.
It might be the price of admission. Dan Savage curses a lot so be warned, but I agree with his general message. I think you can be blunt but kind and see what happens.
It might be the price of admission. Dan Savage curses a lot so be warned, but I agree with his general message. I think you can be blunt but kind and see what happens.
thanks for sharing. that guy is 100% on the money.
Just tell her straight up. I mean preface it with assurance that you're not trying to be a prude or embarrass her, but that you want to do her a favor.
It's much better than what my dad did, just slap me out of my chair.
I wouldn´t. Polite people do not correct others, unless they have been asked for guidance.
But, if this´s such a big deal to you, maybe you should find out if there are any etiquette classes nearby. You could sign up for one and ask her to go along.
She sounds like a great person, and like she would understand that you mean well as long as you phrase things gently. She will probably appreciate the opportunity to learn how to fit in better with your friends and family!
You might keep in mind that the manners you are used to are not 'correct', they are just the manners of a culture different from the one she grew up in. I expect that, where she grew up, she is considered to have great table manners. And I also think she would love to learn your culture .
I agree. It's like saying, "You don't speak proper English." It's not proper. It's standard. A set of guidelines defined by someone else so people can get offended over the unnecessary.
If she was raised differently, then I'm sure she understands where you're coming from as long as you're honest but kind. It seems like you both are into each other as well, so she might already trust you and not feel defensive if you just let her know.
If she's that polite, kind etc... just be straight, humble and matter of fact with her--I think she will appreciate it because she wants to continue to be polite.
Maybe try something like, "You probably don’t realize this since you can’t see yourself, but you chew with your mouth open sometimes."
Tell her when the two of you are alone--the goal isn't to embarrass her.
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