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This is not my first post on the forums, just my first post with this username. (not trolling)
Anyway, one of my GF's best friends is getting married. We have been together for 4 years but still too young to get engaged, I am still in grad school etc.. Anyway she told me of the plans for the party. The maid of honor is getting a hotel suite at one of the nicest hotels in Miami. That is where we live its not a trip to Miami or anything. Out to dinner, going to club, might spend the night there and do breakfast and beacht he next day. But between Dinner and Club there will probably be a stripper. 10-12 girls will be in the party. I don't know any of them very well besides for my GF of course.
Anyway I am fine with the whole thing besides for the private hotel room stripper. I would even be ok with them going to a strip club. I just see that private room, alcohol, and some model type guy taking his clothes off is a bad mixture. (no its not a jealously thing of a good looking guy, me and my gf are lets say pretty above average looks, 6 months in the gym I could be the model too.)
So I told her I don't like it, I will be upset about it etc.. She says a bachelorette having some stripper is a "right of passage" (where did that bs come from?) Anyway she also says all the strippers are gay anyway. Which could not be farther from the truth. I do beleive her when she says a guy dancing in a thong is not exacltly attractive and more funny. She IMO seems very naive about the whole. She really does not think that male strippers come to parties ready to "get with" one of the girls at the party. Male strippers are very hands on, even grab the girls hands and place them in places where in any other situation they would be arrested for sexual assault.
But this is what I have not discussed with her. I honestly feel that a girl in a serious relationship, grouping, touching, taking boday shots off of, having dollar bills out of their bra by the strippers teeth is borderline cheating. And that touching inappropriate areas, dancing with a naked or nearly naked man or being grinded on, especially while wearing a skirt/dress is something that done in any other situation is cheating no questions asked. We don't even need to get into anything further.
No I am not worried that my gf is going to have sex with the stripper or do anything sexual with him. But I don't even feel comfortable with her "slapping him" or touching him or dancing with him as I am sure other girls will be. She is not a "wild" girl and barely drinks so my main question is what is the best way to tell her of my concerns and my opinon and bascially I want to say, "I would really really prefer if you don't touch the guy because if I was touching a girl or dancing with a girl in the ways the girls and stripper wants the girls to touch and dance with him you would not be talking to be anymore."
I also don't what that "what happens at the party stays there BS" She knows the type of person I am and she knows I won't like that weekend. I could tell in the way she was telling me about the plans. I am not and can't tell her not to go but I am just looking for advice in talking to her about it and for me to stop worrying about it.
Thanks for the input.
It comes down to this. Either you trust her or you don't.
Okay, here is how I see it. There is give and take in a relationship and everyone has boundaries somewhere. If you are uncomfortable with her going, say to her explicitly "I do not want you going.", be a man. Tell her you don't want her around strippers in these circumstances and you will oblige by the same rules. If she goes anyway, dump her. If she is willing to do something you are uncomfortable with for one dumb drunk night, get rid of her. If you get married down the line and you have actual big issues to deal with she will treat you like a b*tch. In return, you have to respect what she is and isn't comfortable with or you should expect to be dumped. The issue doesn't matter, it could be something super insignificant but if it really bothers the other person and it isn't difficult for the other party to cooperate than you should expect the party to cooperate, it's give and take.
She knows that this situation obviously bothers you so then why is she going to attend anyway? Will her life really be incomplete if she skips that part of the evening? If there was something that would bother my SO I just wouldn't do it. Then again that's me and I go out of my way not to upset her especially when I know in advance what she would find upsetting.
Because insecure jealous types don't get to control others. Nothing hints this woman is going to do anything wrong...just celebrate with her friends. If a guy can't handle that....he needs to look at himself. ..not try to control others.
What's next? Making her quit her job because she has male coworkers?
Wow, it sounds like you are the one with problems. Would you be okay with your significant other sleeping with someone else? After all you can't control someone else. Your definition of "wrong" could be very different from someone else. To the OP this is wrong.
Wow, it sounds like you are the one with problems. Would you be okay with your significant other sleeping with someone else? After all you can't control someone else. Your definition of "wrong" could be very different from someone else. To the OP this is wrong.
Going to a Bachelorette party...even one eith a stripper....and having sex with someone else are two very different things.
Going to a Bachelorette party...even one eith a stripper....and having sex with someone else are two very different things.
That is your opinion, but to other people they are both wrong to do in a relationship. You are not the supreme judge of what people find right and wrong. Some people don't care if their spouse has sex with other people, some people don't want their spouse in a private hotel room possibly fondling strippers. Both of these are totally resonable and up to the individual.
That is your opinion, but to other people they are both wrong to do in a relationship. You are not the supreme judge of what people find right and wrong. Some people don't care if their spouse has sex with other people, some people don't want their spouse in a private hotel room possibly fondling strippers. Both of these are totally resonable and up to the individual.
Okay...they can think it's wrong....they still don't get to control their girlfriend if she thinks it's not. She also needs to look long and hard at being with someone who wants such strict control over her. Huge warning sign.
Okay...they can think it's wrong....they still don't get to control their girlfriend if she thinks it's not. She also needs to look long and hard at being with someone who wants such strict control over her. Huge warning sign.
If one party thinks something is okay and the other doesn't they should compromise ususally closer to opinion of the person who isn't okay with something. It isn't controlling to tell your significant other that you are uncomfortable with something. It is a bigger warning sign to me that she would go get drunk and hang out in a private hotel room with strippers even though it makes him uncomfortable, THAT is a warning sign. You sound like a feminist, one who thinks every man is out to control and suppress women, which is bull. If I want to sell the furnature in the living room and put a workshop in there and my hypothetic wife says she doesn't like that idea is she "controlling" me, is that a warning sign? If I want to quit my job and move to Alaska for a year while my wife supports me and she isn't okay with that is she controlling me? The OP isn't being unreasonable by any stretch of the imagination. Where do you draw the line, is it okay for your SO to be around naked strippers, what about touch them, what about them touch your SO, what about your SO having oral sex with them or intercourse? You have a limit too, are you being "controlling" by having that limit or are you being reasonable?
I'd skip the "what's appropriate for a woman in a serious relationship" talk, OP. It will come off as ultra conservative/old school at best, and insecure and controlling at worst.
After four years, unless there are any other issues, assume she can handle herself and wouldn't do anything to disrespect your relationship. Save yourself the angst here, people don't need strippers and alcohol to betray someone, they can do that just living their daily lives. It's all about trust.
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