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So this is my first time posting on this board but I'm hoping to get some feedback on how I should proceed.
I met this guy a little over a month ago on OkCupid. The first night we met up we went for drinks at a trendy bar in one of the city neighborhoods. We had good conversation and ended the night with a really good kiss. I was seriously excited that I actually met a decent guy who I had good conversation with and was attracted to. For the first time, since I started doing the whole online thing, I was optimistic.
For our second date we met again at a bar in a different area of town. Had a few drinks and talked for hours. The night, again, ended with a kiss and the promise to meet up again soon.
Third date was the movies. After the movie was over we sat in the car and talked for over an hour. Everything continued to progress and I figured we were right on track. We were moving along and slowly revealing more about ourselves to one another. I was starting to really like this guy and I felt like he was into me too.
Our fourth date had to be rescheduled...twice. The first time was because he mixed up the time of his work function and actually wasn't done with it as early as he thought he might be. The second time was because his car couldn't be driven. When we finally had our fourth date we went to dinner at a restaurant in my neighborhood and then I invited him in to watch TV. We laid on the couch and made out for awhile and it was good.
Well...then things started to get weird. About 3 days went by without hearing from him. I gave in and called him to which he answered and we continued to make small talk without any mention of his silence. I eventually asked him if something had changed because we'd been talking and making all of these plans and then...nothing. I asked him if he wasn't interested anymore or if something had changed but he assured me that nothing was different.
We made plans for a movie night at his house for our fifth date. I showed up when he asked and we watched a movie during a thunderstorm and then things progressed more than they had before. Everything was fine and well...we were both into it, nothing weird or unusual. When I went to leave I kissed him goodbye and told him to have fun camping (he was going away with his dad, uncle, and friends for the first weekend of trout season). As soon as I stepped out of the door onto his front porch he shut the door. He didn't watch me walk to my car and I immediately felt used. The whole thing felt very rude. I shrugged it off and unintential and I figured he would call me when he got back.
He got back 2 days ago and I haven't heard from him at all.
So how should I proceed? Should I just say screw it and move onto someone else? Should I try to call him one last time and see if there's a reason for his silence? I'm tired of putting effort into something/someone who obviously isn't putting effort into me.
It just doesn't all add up to me. Anybody have any suggestions as to what I should do?
Have you contacted him at all since leaving his house? If you haven't, I don't think contacting him one final time would be a mistake per se, but wouldn't advise it.
That said, I agree with you that things don't look good. I would expect him to walk you to your car; the fact that he didn't even watch you walking out isn't a good sign (think: "don't let the door hit you in the a** on the way out').
I don't think you should abandon OK Cupid but would caution you against using it at the expense of other methods (meeting through friends, going out, etc.).
It just doesn't all add up to me. Anybody have any suggestions as to what I should do?
+1 more for move on. he's probably just not into you; possibly but less likely something else (hung up on an ex, depressed, just a weird guy). in any case there's nothing more you can do and it would be better for you to focus on something else. he'll either pull it together or fade away
I wouldn't contact him anymore. What you described has been my experience with online dating. Meet someone and hit it off, talk everyday, have a few fantastic dates, and then I sit back confused as the guy stops contacting me or appears generally disinterested. I think there are a lot of guys out there who use online dating just for hooking up. Then they get what they want and they are onto the next. I think there are guys who use online dating thinking they want a relationship, but when they actually meet someone who is relationship potential they flip out. The other thing is you never know how many other women this guy could be talking to. He may have decided he preferred someone else over you.
Give him space. If he contacts you be casual. Don't ask him out. And definitely never ask the guy what's wrong or why things have changed. I think they key to success with online dating is not to have any expectations. Even if you meet someone you really like, keep your perspective. Until a guy says he wants to be exlusive don't assume anything and if your feelings are going to be hurt if you get intimate with a guy and then he never calls you again, then you should wait and you should define the relationsip prior to. I've been reading "Why Men Love B*tches" and people can knock it all they want, but it is a lot of advice that makes a LOT of sense. Check it out.
Makes sense too me!! I need to follow your rules to online dating.
It's funny how everybody assumes that somebody is being used for sex, like everyone is 18 years old.
As an "Adult" it basically comes down to two things: Attraction and compatibility. I, like most people can be completely attracted to someone and then end up finding out we have an incompatibility issue. Sometimes it's early in the relationship which may be the OPs case and sometimes its later. At some point in many relationships when the issues become larger than what binds two people together its time to go your separate ways.
I can see that, but if that's the fact is that sooo hard to say. Either way someone's feelings will be hurt but I would like to know what happened instead of not getting a call back or any acknowledgement.
Oh hell no. Dump the loser and find yourself a hero.
Wait a minute.... It isn't the least bit creepy to stand there and watch you walk to you car ?
I'm not sure I agree that because the guy closed the door when she walked out being an issue. How does a guy do this (watch her walk to her car) without being awkward.
Maybe WALK her to her car and give a smootch before she gets in ?
I donno. But as a guy, I will leave the outside light on, but 'watching' her walk to her car is always kinda weird. If it's a safety issue, then by all means, walk the woman to her car, which while I lived in one apartment complex near a bunch of bars, I insisted on. But watching a woman wLk to her car in my driveway just seems awkward to me.
As far as answering the OP. How many times have you actually called the guy? From the write up it sounds like once or twice, and you are ready to dump him cause you put in enough work?
Has the guy been paying for the dates, and doing the 'date work' ?
From your write up, beyond you having chemistry, I can't see what YOU bring to the relationship.
And maybe you have, and I don't read/see/know it. but I hope you are putting in more effort/contributions than what you have posted up to lilys comment here. As I have not read the whole thread.
Wait a minute.... It isn't the least bit creepy to stand there and watch you walk to you car ?
I'm not sure I agree that because the guy closed the door when she walked out being an issue. How does a guy do this (watch her walk to her car) without being awkward
nahh i see it. kind of like a "that was so fun i just want to get one last look at you" or speak one last word of romance. usually for me something like that happens if we're really into each other and just hooked up for one of the first times
sure OP could be exaggerating or making something out of nothing but i don't think so. seems to her like his body language, etc, had none of this
nahh i see it. kind of like a "that was so fun i just want to get one last look at you" or speak one last word of romance. usually for me something like that happens if we're really into each other and just hooked up for one of the first times
sure OP could be exaggerating or making something out of nothing but i don't think so. seems to her like his body language, etc, had none of this
I can see this viewpoint. I have done it, but I don't consider it a big deal if she or I dont watch the other walk to the car. Especially in single or townhome type environments.
I re-read this thread, and I get the idea the OP expects the man to chase her. She commented on two seperate occasions, "i havent heard from him in x-days". EVERY women that is interested in me, especially if we have had sex texts or calls me. I also do the same, but there isnt the, "why havent I heard from him/her" junk.
It sounds like to me, the OP needs to stop playing it "SO cool," and show some interest in the guy. Text him, call him.
Maybe the OP has, but I really doubt it from the vibe of her posts and her "expectations."
I don't find it creepy to be watched as I walk to my car. When people watch me to my car I feel a little safer (like if something where to happen, someone else would know, etc). Maybe some guys just don't get it--but it's a safety thing girls are taught since they were little. My friends (male and female) usually walk me to my car or they at least stand by the door and wave when I get in. If someone watches me to my car, I know they care about me. If they don't, they don't care. I think the OP thinks along those lines too.
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