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I've read some previous threads on this forum relating to this topic, but I'd like to hear some advice directly relating to my situation. I've been dating my girlfriend (let's call her Alice) for two and a half years. A lot of our friends overlap, and in particular she was in my college dorm draw group, along with my 4 other closest friends (2 girls, 2 guys). Let's call the 2 girls in this group Becky and Carol.
I've long been a fan of having one-on-one lunches or dinners with friends of both genders, just to catch up, and Alice seemed fine with this initially. A couple months back, though, she voiced indignation at not being invited to a casual one-on-one meal I had scheduled with Becky, claiming that since she's also Becky's friend there's no reason that I should be excluding her. She's fine when I scheduled the same meals with the 2 guys in our draw group. But then today, I tried to schedule a Skype call with Carol, whom I haven't talked to in 4 months, and she got really upset again. She thinks that I should want to invite her to every hanging out session when it involves the opposite gender, even though she also knows both of them very well and claims she's not worried that anything would happen between me and Becky or Carol.
I tried to explain to Alice that it's not that I'm trying to exclude her out of malice, but because I feel like I sometimes want to have some personal space to grow or maintain my friendships. Otherwise, if every time my friends hang out with me is with me and my girlfriend, I feel like they would become less *my* friend and more *our* friend. And for me, not losing my friends is very important.
She gave me a choice that was basically an ultimatum - I could either choose her and not hurt her by always inviting her (and wanting to invite her) to my hangouts, or choose to break up with her. In her own words, hanging out alone with friends like this, much like cheating on her, is a deal-breaker.
I love her very much and don't want her to be hurt, but I also am having a hard time letting go of this notion in my mind that I should be able to hang out with my friends, to her exclusion at times if I so desire. Is it normal to think this, or is it (in her words) one of those things that you have to give up when you're in a relationship, and thinking otherwise is just not wanting to "settle down"?
Yea, I honestly would. Maybe this sounds bad, but if she were to hang out with the 2 guys in our group, whom I've known for many years and trust deeply, I would be completely fine if I weren't around. Obviously it wouldn't be the same if she started hanging out with someone new and didn't want to bring me along, but I don't think this is quite the case.
as soon as your friends meet her, independent hiddensorcer will die
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