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The last six months have been happiness, denial, and pain for me. My painful journey started six months ago. I have really liked this guy for a very long time (over a year). He finally stared showing me attention. He is a single father and the days he was free we spent together. We had a lot of fun. I couldn't wait until the next time I would see him. I knew that he had a lot of baggage and I wasn't afraid of it. I saw a caring father and someone that was hurt in the past. I wanted to heal those wounds and to be there for him and his daughter. Sometime in January he just pulled away, overnight. I spent the next week crying my eyes out. I finally asked for us to meet. I felt that I deserved to know what went wrong. He told me that "now is just not a good time". So, being naive I waited. We would still see each other from time to time (once every two weeks or so), but there was definitely something missing. I waited.... Two weeks ago I finally told him that this is not working for me and he asked for a second chance. Again, being naive and wanting it so badly I agreed to it. Today, I am sitting here writing this because things have gotten even worse.
I consider myself a beautiful, educated, strong and independent woman. But, I am very weak when it comes to him. I don't understand why I feel the way I do. I have had real relationships before and had no problem getting out of them when I saw that there is no future there. Last night I put up a list of adjetives I would use to describe him: dishonest, selfish, inconsiderate, careless, moody, unreliable, cowardly, and alcoholic. I asked myself why do you want to be with this person? I am the opposite of all of those. I realized that I want to make him a better person. I want to change him. From day one, I saw someone that was hurting and needed help and I wanted to help him overcome that.
I understand that I need to move on, but how do I do that? I go to sleep thinking about him and I wake up thinking about him. Did I mention that we work together?! He should be leaving for a new job in July, but it's not 100%. I have cried more during these six months then the last five years.
Last edited by QuestForLove; 04-28-2013 at 12:24 PM..
When you're ready, you'll get tired of talking about him (hopefully), tired of thinking about him, tired of doing anything to reinforce the memory of him and at some point you'll realize it's all behind you.
The last six months have been happiness, denial, and pain for me. My painful journey started six months ago. I have really liked this guy for a very long time (over a year). He finally stared showing me attention. He is a single father and the days he was free we spent together. We had a lot of fun. I couldn't wait until the next time I would see him. I knew that he had a lot of baggage and I wasn't afraid of it. I saw a caring father and someone that was hurt in the past. I wanted to heal those wounds and to be there for him and his daughter. Sometime in January he just pulled away, overnight. I spent the next week crying my eyes out. I finally asked for us to meet. I felt that I deserved to know what went wrong. He told me that "now is just not a good time". So, being naive I waited. We would still see each other from time to time (once every two weeks or so), but there was definitely something missing. I waited.... Two weeks ago I finally told him that this is not working for me and he asked for a second chance. Again, being naive and wanting it so badly I agreed to it. Today, I am sitting here writing this because things have gotten even worse.
I consider myself a beautiful, educated, strong and independent woman. But, I am very weak when it comes to him. I don't understand why I feel the way I do. I have had real relationships before and had no problem getting out of them when I saw that there is no future there. Last night I put up a list of adjetives I would use to describe him: dishonest, selfish, inconsiderate, careless, moody, unreliable, cowardly, and alcoholic. I asked myself why do you want to be with this person? I am the opposite of all of those. I realized that I want to make him a better person. I want to change him. From day one, I saw someone that was hurtling and needed help and I wanted to help him overcome that.
I understand that I need to move on, but how do I do that? I go to sleep thinking about him and I wake up thinking about him. Did I mention that we work together?! He should be leaving for a new job in July, but it's not 100%. I have cried more during these six months then the last five years.
First........REALLY BAD IDEA to have a romance with a co worker, keep your personal life and your business life separate........ALWAYS.
Second: Read the words YOU WROTE about HIM........do you seriously want to be with someone YOU HAVE DESCRIBED THIS WAY?????
Just the first word of your description of him would have put me out the door and the last word would definitely be the one that locked that door forever.
You walked into this with your eyes open. Now you will have to walk out.
You KNOW, as a strong, educated woman, that you can't change or heal people. You also willingly entered a relationship with someone who 1) you work with who 2) is a single dad.
That's 3 strikes.
To get over him will take work and time. FORCE yourself to think of something else when you think if him. Keep busy. FOCUS on your job. Go places where you meet new people.
I realized that I want to make him a better person. I want to change him. From day one, I saw someone that was hurting and needed help and I wanted to help him overcome that.
You can't change anyone. I think a lot of people have this romantic idea that a troubled individual will just fall so helplessly in love with them that their partner will heal and become a better person. That's the stuff of fairy tales and it's completely unrealistic. The reason you're having trouble getting over him is because your expectations were unrealistic and you fell in love with a fantasy - and also probably because you work with him and have to see him everyday. If getting a transfer at work or a getting a new job isn't an option, all you can do to work passed this is keep reminding yourself that you can't change people and that your feelings weren't based on reality. Also, work towards building up your own self esteem and give yourself some "me" time.
I agree you can't change anyone. But I also agree you can't help who you fall in love with. Divorced men are damaged goods especially if they were the ones left by the ex wife, like my husband. How long has he been divorced? My husband had been divorced for decades but I can see the damage/hurt done to him by the ex wife. It sucks because he is a great man. I don't see how the ex got rid of him like that after all he has done for her. But some women are greedy and selfish.
I guess my only suggestion is go out on dates/get a hobby. You can't get over someone if you don't keep yourself preoccupied.
Maybe he's seeing his ex or something. Who knows. You mentioned you wanted to "change" him. That right there probably sent him packing. Not many guys are not into changing.
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