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Old 05-23-2013, 11:57 AM
 
4 posts, read 4,175 times
Reputation: 10

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Hello all,

I have recently found myself in a situation, I have a best friend for over a year now which we also dated secretly for 9months, we are not together anymore but I still have feelings for her.. We both are looking to move out and she suggested to move in together, I'm afraid this could be a bad idea or it could be a good idea so I need help on my decision.. We spend a lot of time with each other as it is..

Any suggestions?
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Old 05-23-2013, 12:19 PM
 
Location: Reno, NV
5,987 posts, read 10,467,349 times
Reputation: 10809
IMO, it's a bad idea. It will limit your dating opportunites at a time when you should be focused on moving on. Even if you were to get back together as bf/gf, it would put too much pressure on any developing relationship. Saying no will probably increase your self-respect and also her opinion of you, if that matters.
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Old 05-23-2013, 01:37 PM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
16,391 posts, read 30,920,376 times
Reputation: 16643
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nugbrand View Post
Hello all,

I have recently found myself in a situation, I have a best friend for over a year now which we also dated secretly for 9months, we are not together anymore but I still have feelings for her.. We both are looking to move out and she suggested to move in together, I'm afraid this could be a bad idea or it could be a good idea so I need help on my decision.. We spend a lot of time with each other as it is..

Any suggestions?

disaster waiting to happen.
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Old 05-23-2013, 02:27 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,908,774 times
Reputation: 98359
BAD idea.

You already KNOW it's a bad idea or you wouldn't have asked the question here.

Listen to your instincts.
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Old 05-23-2013, 06:00 PM
 
Location: Chicago
3,391 posts, read 4,480,591 times
Reputation: 7857
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nugbrand View Post
Hello all,

I have recently found myself in a situation, I have a best friend for over a year now which we also dated secretly for 9months, we are not together anymore but I still have feelings for her.. We both are looking to move out and she suggested to move in together, I'm afraid this could be a bad idea or it could be a good idea so I need help on my decision.. We spend a lot of time with each other as it is..

Any suggestions?
I think you should explain why you needed to date this person "secretly." That seems like a big red flag, but I am not sure just what kind of big red flag.
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Old 05-23-2013, 06:04 PM
 
Location: Naptowne, Alaska
15,603 posts, read 39,817,459 times
Reputation: 14890
This seems like a very good bad idea.

Secretly dating? IE: cheating behind a spouses back?
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Old 05-24-2013, 08:45 AM
 
4 posts, read 4,175 times
Reputation: 10
No secretly dating because we are two girls, she has never been with a girl before me and has had several boyfriends. She is back to kissing other boy I think I was just an experiment that carried on longer than it should.. We are still really good friends and there is defiantly no chance in us rekindling anything.. I would like to move in with her but just afraid I will find it too hard if she brings boys home...
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Old 05-24-2013, 08:50 AM
 
164 posts, read 356,886 times
Reputation: 144
Stop hoping that something will happen between you. You said so yourself that your secret relationship was most likely her experimenting and that there's no chance in rekindling anything.

And you still want to live with her but will find it hard if she brings home guys? COME ON.
Why are you doing this to yourself? Stop trying to convince yourself that this will be a good idea when you yourself acknowledge indirectly that this wouldn't work.
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Old 05-24-2013, 09:15 AM
 
2,758 posts, read 4,957,418 times
Reputation: 3014
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
BAD idea.

You already KNOW it's a bad idea or you wouldn't have asked the question here.

Listen to your instincts.



+1 Bolded.

Also, secretly dating? C'mon. thats garbage. And for 9 months!

Don't be this woman's toy to use and manipulate for when she wants it.

This screams of unhealthy for you. Best friends don't do these things to each other. It's 2013, not 1950. This 'friend' is much kore concerned with her image than your feelings.
Living with her probably has disaster written all over it.

By month 3 or 4 she either should have come out, or realized her experimentation needs to end. And yet she strung you along for 9 total months.
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Old 05-24-2013, 09:50 AM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
11,364 posts, read 9,277,086 times
Reputation: 52582
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nugbrand View Post
No secretly dating because we are two girls, she has never been with a girl before me and has had several boyfriends. She is back to kissing other boy I think I was just an experiment that carried on longer than it should.. We are still really good friends and there is defiantly no chance in us rekindling anything.. I would like to move in with her but just afraid I will find it too hard if she brings boys home...
You answered your own question right there.

Bad idea.
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