Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I was wondering what everyone thought about asking their significant others how many other sexual partners they've had before.
My personal feelings are that:
A) not really your business
B) has no bearing on the present relationship
C) Even though B is true; the answer might still bother you; affecting the
relationship
D) if the number is bad, they will lie anyways.
I have some friends who say they always ask though. Any thoughts?
I always ask - and how truthfully they answer is helpful in determining if I want to have a relationship with them. I have no qualms about others asking me either - I don't give a blow-by-blow, of course, but if one is contemplating a relationship with someone, eventually they are going to hear mention of so-and-so or so-and-so from friends or family, right? I want to hear it from him, not his friends. It takes a certain level of maturity to deal with information like this, though. You need to be willing to accept whatever the SO tells you. I guess it also takes a certain level of trust as well, if you are worried that they will have a different opinion of you if you reveal the truth.
I think men are more susceptible to having difficulty dealing with a S.O. who has had what they consider "many" partners because they assume such a woman would have had experiences that he may not be able to live up to. OTOH, some women (foolishly) assume that if a man has had many different women, that he's somehow a more capable lover - ha!
Very good question though - this is an extremely controversial matter and one that should be handled differently for different people. I think in this day and age, with STDs and awareness of such, there is really no excuse to not discuss it. I certainly wouldn't want to "expose" myself to someone else without knowing where they had been before.
I've never asked that sort of question. If I have taken the time to get to know the person I am dating, then I don't think it needs to be discussed. We all have a past and I don't think that anyone wants to hear about their partner's exes. Over time, in all my relationships, one of us has volunteered some small comments about our exes, but in only in the most minimal and undramatic way.
I consider it a valid question as part of having the safe-sex conversation and sharing with each other a sexual history. From that vantage for me it is a valid conversation. If it's just a snooping judging thing, then NOT. If I know someone well enough to want and consider having sexual relations with them then there is for me a level of trust that I want go both ways.
However in the context of sexual history it is # of partners and gender of partners. Not names and addresses, that is definitely snooping, and not voyeuristic types of detail-seeking. But for sexual history and safe-sex determination, yes a valid conversation.
I've just never had a need to have a specific conversation on each other's respective pasts. This is due in part to my wanting to have a friendship first. And if I feel that the guy has had too many partners, that will be a huge turnoff to me right there in terms of not wanting to ever date a man who is a romeo. Next and more importantly is the quality of the women he has been with and why he dated them. Again, if this man is too much into a woman's beautiful looks being important over the person she is inside, then it's another red flag for me.
A guy could have only had one or two previous partners, but what if he was unlucky and one of them had genital herpes? It's really not the quantity of partners that would be the problem healthwise. Anyway, I want to know that the man really cares about me and less about satisfying his immediate physical needs before hopping into bed with me. And if he can't wait for me and my long interviewing process, then I don't want him in my life.
Otherwise, another factor is that if this person has had only a few serious relationships in his life (relative to his age) then I don't want to hear the details about his lost loves or how much they each meant to him.
I have asked/ sometimes keep asking my hubby 'bout that...but I never get a really straight face, nor answer.
It sort of became a "joke", busting chops in a way....and neither of us really cares anyway.
It is what it is....a thing and blast from the past.
Of course, it would be a different thing, if it would relate to a health question/ concern, IMHO.
A) not really your business
B) has no bearing on the present relationship
C) Even though B is true; the answer might still bother you; affecting the
relationship
D) if the number is bad, they will lie anyways.
After having been too frank with a previous boyfriend, and living to regret my honesty, I would not be honest if someone asked me this question. The numbers aren't that bad - not even double digits! - but to my last boyfriend, anyone who has more than two partners falls into the "s l u t category". This is unrealistic for women who are in their late 30s, early 40s, in my opinion. If men ever wonder why women lie about it, this is the reason.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
