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This is what I sometimes tell myself. I've never been a 'chaser', maybe that doesn't make me an alpha male, but I'm also not the type to try to convince a girl or woo her if she seems unwilling. Not that I've tried it and failed I've just never tried it. Do you think it's possible to woo someone who starts out having zero attraction for you with your personality.etc? Or does there always have to be some initial attraction?
My thinking is that, if I meet someone who seems attractive enough (overall not just physically) and she happens to fancy me, things will happen and she'll be much more interested in me anyway. Maybe I'll be waiting for awhile, but do you think I can afford to do this, or that as a male I must be actively pursuing?
Also, how can one develop affection, even the shallow kind, between two people? I could try to be like friends, but there's the danger of becoming platonic friends and 'friend-zoned.' Or maybe the FZ doesn't really exist and any friend is a potential romantic interest. Is there a certain way you flirt, without being overt that you like someone, where you can develop the attraction in a woman?
I have met people that were very attractive and then they open their mouth.
I have met so-so people who whooed me with the fun personality they have.
Use your ability to just be available.
Not:
"Wanna go out? Wanna go out?"
Her: "what did you do today?"
You: "Wanna go out? Wanna go out?"
Yes. They may not be initially interested but if you are fun, encouraging and such there may be a future for you and her. Just play it cool.
I do not think that has anything to do with whether you should "chase" a woman.
Chasing a woman is not about trying to make her like you when she would otherwise be predisposed to not liking you (or not being attracted). It is about showing her you are interested in her enough that you are putting some thought and action behind showing her.
So I do not think sitting back and waiting for things to happen works. Don't be too passive.
She of course will need to be attracted to you. Chasing her just encourages her to pursue her attraction in you.
PS, don't equate chasing to spending tons, gifting expensive things, or going grandiouse. "Chasing" is showing you care. Being thoughtful. A cliche thing would be giving flowers. Now, that is a way to chase, you show her your trying to brighten her day with something nice. Bonus points however if you give her a flower that she has said is her favorite flower. That shows you listened to her when she told you that, and remembered it. That is the important part here. Not that you gave something, but you are showing you are interested enough in her to pay attention to her and show it through the simple gift.
My wife will tell you I had her heart with my romantic gift to her at our first Christmas when dating. I gave her a $15 hot beverage travel mug and box of orange tea's.
Honestly, expensive or elaborate gets guys in trouble. Simple and thoughtful chasing can go miles!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Checkered24
You cannot "make" someone love you who doesn't.
I do not think that has anything to do with whether you should "chase" a woman.
Chasing a woman is not about trying to make her like you when she would otherwise be predisposed to not liking you (or not being attracted). It is about showing her you are interested in her enough that you are putting some thought and action behind showing her.
So I do not think sitting back and waiting for things to happen works. Don't be too passive.
She of course will need to be attracted to you. Chasing her just encourages her to pursue her attraction in you.
PS, don't equate chasing to spending tons, gifting expensive things, or going grandiouse. "Chasing" is showing you care. Being thoughtful. A cliche thing would be giving flowers. Now, that is a way to chase, you show her your trying to brighten her day with something nice. Bonus points however if you give her a flower that she has said is her favorite flower. That shows you listened to her when she told you that, and remembered it. That is the important part here. Not that you gave something, but you are showing you are interested enough in her to pay attention to her and show it through the simple gift.
My wife will tell you I had her heart with my romantic gift to her at our first Christmas when dating. I gave her a $15 hot beverage travel mug and box of orange tea's.
Honestly, expensive or elaborate gets guys in trouble. Simple and thoughtful chasing can go miles!
That's the typical plot of half the Hollywood romances out there. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, girl finds girl offputting but eventually warms to him. I guess we're to assume she liked him all along.
Giving flowers to me is little different to giving expensive gifts. It's a pretty blatant show of trying to woo her.
That's the typical plot of half the Hollywood romances out there. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, girl finds girl offputting but eventually warms to him. I guess we're to assume she liked him all along.
Giving flowers to me is little different to giving expensive gifts. It's a pretty blatant show of trying to woo her.
Forget the movie romances. Typically the guy who is seen as off-putting is just left by the girl for someone she finds more interest in. There is typically a strong mutual interest in relationships that emerge and grow.
If I felt a woman found me off putting, I doubt I would put much effort into chasing her. I would save my woo-ing for someone who wanted me to woo them.
Flowers can be a blatant woo. It still is sometimes worthwhile if a bit stereotypical. Especially if some thought is displayed in the selection (or timing).
Forget the movie romances. Typically the guy who is seen as off-putting is just left by the girl for someone she finds more interest in. There is typically a strong mutual interest in relationships that emerge and grow.
If I felt a woman found me off putting, I doubt I would put much effort into chasing her. I would save my woo-ing for someone who wanted me to woo them.
Flowers can be a blatant woo. It still is sometimes worthwhile if a bit stereotypical. Especially if some thought is displayed in the selection (or timing).
Pretty much. Until she has shown interest, you're wasting your time.
Exactly. "Wait for" makes it sound like you're sitting at home hoping the person falls in your lap. "Pursuing" sounds like trying too hard. The most effective strategy is somewhere in the middle, IMO.
And how does one differentiate being just friendly and showing possible romantic interest?
That's harder to tell. If I was interested, I didn't just glance at them and flash a quick smile and move on. I don't look away so quickly when I'm interested, I've held eye contact much longer. When I'm being friendly, I tend to be more aware of my surroundings and look around some. A guy that had my interest took up more of my attention.
I'm not very good at watching subtle clues, but these are things I've noticed about myself.
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