Timing of sex and love in a new relationship? (marriage, man, lover)
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Which comes first, the love or the sex, for you? And how long is the gap between them?
Do you have sex for several months before you fall in love? Weeks? Days?
Do you say 'I love you' as soon as you feel it, or do you wait? If you wait, how long do you wait or what do you wait for?
Do you wait until after 'I love you's are exchanged before having sex? How long does that usually take?
What happens if one works out but not the other? If you have sex first, what happens if the sex is great but you never fall in love? If love first, what if you fall in love and the sex turns out to be terrible and unfixable?
I find these difficult to navigate in my own life so I am hoping for inspiration from y'all's experiences .
Last edited by NilaJones; 07-12-2013 at 11:40 AM..
Totally dependent upon the person, the relationship, and the situation. In my life, there has been no one standard that applies to all. Every relationship has been totally different and individual in those regards. My rule of thumb is that there is no rule of thumb.
Totally dependent upon the person, the relationship, and the situation. In my life, there has been no one standard that applies to all. Every relationship has been totally different and individual in those regards. My rule of thumb is that there is no rule of thumb.
Well, duh, of course there are not rules!
But, in each individual case, how do you decide?
What did you do in one relationship, and why, and do you feel you made the right choices?
I start to have feelings of lust and love simultaneously, that is just how I am, but I slow down the timing of sex in order to let the love flourish, which is important to me. I can't really put a timeline on these things. It's all based on feelings for me. Ugh.. sorry.
I start to have feelings of lust and love simultaneously, that is just how I am, but I slow down the timing of sex in order to let the love flourish, which is important to me. I can't really put a timeline on these things. It's all based on feelings for me. Ugh.. sorry.
::laughing::
I don't need an exact schedule .
What I meant by the timing part of my questions was just an approximation or a guess. I would not have any idea about exact times in my own life, either .
So, that's cool, you like to give the love some time to grow before sex. Years? An hour?
Do you wait until you are sure he loves you, too? If he tried to initiate sex but had not yet said he loved you, how do you imagine you might react?
What I meant by the timing part of my questions was just an approximation or a guess. I would not have any idea about exact times in my own life, either .
So, that's cool, you like to give the love some time to grow before sex. Years? An hour?
Do you wait until you are sure he loves you, too? If he tried to initiate sex but had not yet said he loved you, how do you imagine you might react?
Not hours or years. How do I know if he loves me? Hmm... it's hard to verbalize. I probably shouldn't even be answering in this thread because I don't explain things well. lol He seeks me out to be around me when he's not working, he wants me near him, the way he looks at me, he wants to please me, he's possessive, he cares, sacrifice, just to name a few.... and vice versa for me loving him. Sex? Well, I don't know.. it just happens when it's right. I can't say when that is. I wouldn't wait for marriage though. Good lord, that's too long. lol
Sex has occurred first every time for me.
The gap has typically been weeks to months. The older I get, the longer the gap has been.
Last time it took over 4 months past intimacy for love, and even then, I probably never actually was 'in-love'.
Which comes first, the love or the sex, for you? And how long is the gap between them?
For me, love comes first (disclaimer: I have never been intimate yet with anyone, thus far in life).
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Do you have sex for several months before you fall in love? Weeks? Days?
I would strongly prefer full intimacy to occur post-marriage, or at a bare minimum, once an official engagement has been accepted and rings have been exchanged. A concrete engagement with definitive plans and events set in motion for a future wedding would be the absolute minimum I could see intimacy occuring under (I still prefer post-marriage, though).
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Do you say 'I love you' as soon as you feel it, or do you wait? If you wait, how long do you wait or what do you wait for?
As soon as possible -- if I am remembering right lol, the last time I said it to someone I felt that way about was ~2 months after first knowing her. (I actually really like and enjoy saying "ILY"...and after the first time saying it, the more frequently I can say it and receive an "ILY" back in return, the better! )
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Do you wait until after 'I love you's are exchanged before having sex? How long does that usually take?
She and I say "ILY" practically every time we talk, and many times even multiple times in the same timespan. In my case, saying "ILY" obviously happens before intimacy, since again, neither one of us have ever been intimate with anyone, so far in life.
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What happens if one works out but not the other? If you have sex first, what happens if the sex is great but you never fall in love? If love first, what if you fall in love and the sex turns out to be terrible and unfixable?
Wouldn't really know; have never actually been in either of these situations...
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