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I was in a Starbucks coffeeshop that I frequent on a pretty regular basis and today when I was sitting there, I noticed a woman who I felt a very strong attraction to from across the room. I was trying not to stare at her too much but several times when I was looking over her way, I noticed her looking back at me. So I was getting a sign of interest from her.
Initially I had wanted to just go over to her and offer to get her a refill or buy her a pastry so I could talk to her but she appeared to be very busy with the work she was doing on her laptop plus in addition to that I felt nervous about it so I ended up hesitating and just looking over. I was trying to think of a way to approach her what to say but it wasn't until I needed to leave for work when I finally decided on my plan.
I thought that since I go there regularly during the same time of day, that I would just walk over and say "hi" and let her know that I go there regularly so that if she wanted to see me again she could just plan on coming again. My original intention was not to ask for her # - partly because I didn't want to hear her say "no" and also because I felt it might have put a bit of pressure on her to give it to me when she might not have wanted to.
When I approached her, she responded well, immediately introduced herself to me and even acknowledged that she was staring back at ME (which was something I suspected but still wasn't 100% sure of). So I felt this was a clear sign of interest from her. Then when I told her about the times I usually am at the cafe and expressed an interest in seeing her again, she told me that she doesn't usually come at the time I come. At that point, I thought to myself that the only way I would see her again would be if we exchanged numbers or email addresses. But when I offered to give her my info, she told me "if we see one another here again, let's exchange info but let's not do it now".
I realize now that I probably should have just tried to set a definite date with her then and there....because that way I would have known whether or not she was interested or not. But by letting her off the hook too easily, I was thinking that maybe I might have let a potential dating opportunity slip right out of my fingers. And I don't know for sure whether she was interested in me or not.
I thought that since I go there regularly during the same time of day, that I would just walk over and say "hi" and let her know that I go there regularly so that if she wanted to see me again she could just plan on coming again. My original intention was not to ask for her # - partly because I didn't want to hear her say "no" and also because I felt it might have put a bit of pressure on her to give it to me when she might not have wanted to.
The issues with this are:
1. It's a little cowardly to kind of force the ball back into her court. Not that anyone can blame guys for being nervous about having to ask women out and fearing rejection, but generally the males of the species do the pursuit. If you try to force her to do it, it makes you look a little wimpy, right off the bat. After all, what do you have invested here? Nothing! How much could that "no, thanks" really hurt when you don't even know her?
2. If you ask a woman out with nothing to go on but seeing her across a room, then you're broadcasting loud and clear that you only care about her looks. If you had instead spent a few minutes chatting, there would be more of a chance to see if there was a personal connection. That doesn't mean you wouldn't still be attracted to her looks, but it's a more rounded package, if that makes sense.
Next time, I'd come over and say you were going to get a pastry, and offer to get her something. Or come over and say something like, "You seem hard at work," and see how she reacts to get a hint of whether she's receptive to chatting with you. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Of course he is interested in her looks, what else would you expect from a stranger. OP, seems like she may have been interested but backed off. usualy when a woman introduces herself to you, it means there is at least a little bit of interest. She may have said "We'll exchange information if we see each other agzain" to see if you could override her wish. Women dont really want to be with guys who only sorta want to be with them. They want men who will go to the end of the earth for them. Two things i woulda done differently, 1. approached right away, without giving it a second thought or a try to talk myself out of it and 2. persisted on at least having my contact info in case the world ended tomorrow and the starbucks wouldnt be there or any other reason you coulda come up with and likely have her giggle at your creativity and wittiness. If you like something, you have to know if you want it and you have to know how to get it.
If she approaches you or says hello next time, then you'll know if she's interested.
I agree with this. If you see her again and she approaches you then you'll know that she's interested. Word of advice. If you see her in there one day then let her make the first move.
Its very simple. No need to over evaluate or examine the situation.
Imagine to yourself: If you were ever approached by a woman you were attracted to, and were interested in, would you reject her request to get your phone number?
There's your answer. Sorry though. Good luck next time
If she approaches you or says hello next time, then you'll know if she's interested.
This.
Don't over think it. You probably stared a little bit too much before finally walking over. It may have made her uncomfortable by taking too long. Today guys need to be assertive, and almost aggressive. If a woman looks over a couple times, and you happen to notice, she is doing it on purpose. Very seldom do women look or make eye contact if they aren't interested. It's part of the whole 'creepy' thing.
If you see her again at the coffee shop, act like you don't notice she is there. If she doesn't approach you by the time you get your coffee, walk over and say hello. But honestly, if she was into you the first time, she would have given you her number.
Don't stare at a woman too many times without approaching. It makes them uncomfortable, and then you become that guy.
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