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Well, I wouldn't go into a lot of detail, but I do think that when people who are dating act inappropriately or their behavior puts you off somehow, as long as it isn't RUDE or threatening behavior, it's decent to let them know a bit of detail about what bothered you. I know that's an uncomfortable discussion to have, but it's easier in text and at this uber texting stage of the game, why not use the same tool to explain?
If he started arguing, I'd just block the number and block him from my profile. But hey, that's just me. Regardless of how the "breakup" or canceled date is accomplished, it's not like the OP owes him much at this stage of the game!
With all due respect, trying to reason with your stalker usually backfires. It backfired with my stalker. (but then he stalked me in real life, not on the computer)
Just a simple yet firm, "I'm not interested." should suffice.
The thing about stalkers is that they often live in a fantasy world. Often times, stalkers have some kind of delusion. It is often described that stalkers have some kind of script in their mind and they assign roles to people, especially the target, who is often picked as the stalker's love interest. The stalking begins when they try to act out their scripts. However, that depends on the stalker.
This is one of many sick mindsets that stalkers have. To try to reason with them is to play with fire. Tell them once something to the effect of stay away, then if they persist, do the best you can to document every encounter, then hopefully, you'll have enough leverage to have him put away.
With all due respect, trying to reason with your stalker usually backfires. It backfired with my stalker. (but then he stalked me in real life, not on the computer)
Just a simple yet firm, "I'm not interested." should suffice.
The thing about stalkers is that they often live in a fantasy world. Often times, stalkers have some kind of delusion. It is often described that stalkers have some kind of script in their mind and they assign roles to people, especially the target, who is often picked as the stalker's love interest. The stalking begins when they try to act out their scripts. However, that depends on the stalker.
This is one of many sick mindsets that stalkers have. To try to reason with them is to play with fire. Tell them once something to the effect of stay away, then if they persist, do the best you can to document every encounter, then hopefully, you'll have enough leverage to have him put away.
THIS.
This is part of why, when I reject someone, I never use the "I have a boyfriend" line. To me, it gives false hope and says "If I didn't have a boyfriend I'd be interested in you.. so I am interested in you" rather than "I am not interested. Have a nice day."
Just tell him you want to get married ASAP, within the next 6 months for sure, that your clock is ticking for kids and you are hoping to have as many as you can.
Then ask about his job, how much he makes, can he afford a big house because if you are going to be a SAHM you need a nice, new, big house.
If that doesn't work start talking about how those pesky STD's always seem to find YOU and your crotch is burning...you think you might have another one but no worries...it's probably an easy fix with a round of antibiotics.
Oh, and for the clincher...tell him you do not give BJ's!
I like this suggestion. The funny thing is that the guy would probably say he was ok with all of that. lol
I have and will continue to just block the numbers of people who annoy me. The most recent person I blocked was my uncle.
"We" don't have to be anything "we" don't want to be. And I'm not sure why it's "grown up" to have prolonged contact with someone who has demonstrated signs of an unstable personality. I just want advice on how to shut him down firmly.
I'm hardly hitting the panic button. I've been around the block enough times to recognize people with obsessive, needy or controlling personalities. I've had a "near stalker" when I was in college, when a friend of my mother who had never dealt with his crush on her started projecting it onto me. Fortunately, I was hundreds of miles away from him, and my mother laid the smackdown on him. But this guy's tone is similar.
I've known people who were stalked, and I'd rather shut the door on any possibility of it happening to me before this guy has too much information about me. I have too many vulnerabilities that could be exploited in terms of my job, my friends and my pets.
You are acting like a child, not a grown woman. You need to tell this guy that you are not interested instead of labelling him a stalker. The truth is, this thread is an ego boost for you (I am so awesome, a guy i have never met is "stalking" me) as there is no evidence whatsoever that the man in question is anything more than socially awkward. My guess is, you are insecure about being unattractive yourself in some way, so you are blowing this dude up well out of proportion to feel good about yourself.
Stop being a coward and tell this man the truth. No means no, but it is your duty as a grown woman to say NO. Saying NO THANKS is not prolonged contact either, it will take you 5 seconds to speak the truth and block him.
What you women think who you are. Men do not stalk. You are not from gold. Just say to man you are not interested, he will go "stalk" somewhere else. All women at this forum must be photo models.
What you women think who you are. Men do not stalk. You are not from gold. Just say to man you are not interested, he will go "stalk" somewhere else. All women at this forum must be photo models.
Stalking is a distinctive form of criminal activity composed of a series of actions that taken individually might constitute legal behavior. For example, sending flowers, writing love notes, and waiting for someone outside her place of work are actions that, on their own, are not criminal. When these actions are coupled with an intent to instill fear or injury, however, they may constitute a pattern of behavior that is illegal. Though anti-stalking laws are gender neutral, most stalkers are men and most victims are women.
I had my very own stalker back in college. No amount of telling him I wasn't interested got rid of him. He would follow me around in his car when I walked, wait outside my dorm, and make lewd/sexual comments to me. I have no idea who he even was (he wasn't a student). So I got the police and the Dean of Students involved. I don't know what they did, but that solved my stalker problem.
All that said, and going back to the original post. The OP called him a "potential stalker" not a stalker... she has concerns based on his weird behavior. First just tell him you aren't interested (offer no other explanation) and then see where things go. If it's easy to block him from your phone or the dating site, it might be good to do that as well (if he isn't a really a stalker, he will never know because he won't try to contact you... and if he is, well, you blocked him).
What you women think who you are. Men do not stalk. You are not from gold. Just say to man you are not interested, he will go "stalk" somewhere else. All women at this forum must be photo models.
You are acting like a child, not a grown woman. You need to tell this guy that you are not interested instead of labelling him a stalker. The truth is, this thread is an ego boost for you (I am so awesome, a guy i have never met is "stalking" me) as there is no evidence whatsoever that the man in question is anything more than socially awkward. My guess is, you are insecure about being unattractive yourself in some way, so you are blowing this dude up well out of proportion to feel good about yourself.
Stop being a coward and tell this man the truth. No means no, but it is your duty as a grown woman to say NO. Saying NO THANKS is not prolonged contact either, it will take you 5 seconds to speak the truth and block him.
Yes, you're dead on. You must be psychic.
No, this thread is not an ego boost for me. This thread sprang out of the sinking feeling that I got when I realized that a guy I was communicating with wasn't playing with a full deck. I came here for advice, not an ego boost. I have a lot of good things in my life, and I have witnessed how unstable people can turn everything upside down. A little casual vandalism. A few calls to one's employer. Some posts on the Internet. Maybe even a call to the cops with some made-up story. Etc.
I have an ex who spent a few hours in jail because the woman who was looking to punish him called the cops to say he'd tried to run her off the road. Took him a while to prove that he hadn't even been in the same state during the alleged incident. Another friend of mine still gets mail and phone calls from a stalker they haven't even seen in years.
My guess is, your assumptions instead indicate your inherent misanthropy or possibly the fact that you live in a bubble. One could just as easily say that your posts are all about boosting your own ego. One could twist the situation to say that about ANYONE on here actually.
And no, I'm sorry, I don't owe someone who makes me uncomfortable and uneasy any phone calls or communication. My "duty" is to myself and my personal safety in this situation, not any social construct as to what a "nice woman" (which is what you mean when you code it as "grown up") would do. I gave him a reason for not wanting to be in contact, and that will have to do. If that makes me a coward, ya know what? I'm good with that.
The funny part? When I posted my original query, the guy I'd had a crush on a while back had just been in contact to ask if we could get together. My ego was riding pretty high at that point (still is) and I didn't need it bolstered by a bunch of people on the Internet I'd never met. Because even though a lot of people on these boards have some awesome advice, I don't KNOW them. And no, I was not posting trying to get rid of the potential stalker just because my crush had gotten in touch - I'd already started trying to figure out what I was going to do about this guy. Try again, sweet cheeks.
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