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That is the truth. A loser guy will treat you like crap, because he thinks anyone worth dating, would not date him. At the same time, he thinks...huh, I got her, maybe I can get something better. It is messed up thinking, but, hey, he is a loser guy...
Thank you to everyone who allowed me to vent and talked my through my frustrations in this thread. I really appreciate it as this has been way too humiliating to discuss with anyone I know in real life and the couple that I have just brushes off my feelings, accused me of being too slutty or too needy, and quickly swept it under the rug without giving me a proper chance to grieve or express myself. Not this particular man, but that I keep finding myself in this situation for the past 8 years straight and it ****ing hurts. I have no problem getting dates, but I can't get anyone to commit to save my life.
As for the so-called "ex", I won't put this all on him. I will accept blame that I did the wrong thing by expressing my feelings and agreeing to be in a relationship so soon. Everything was going my way until I did that. I thought I was doing the right thing, but its likely that I need to keep myself more guarded. I believe that I'm too nice, maybe I seem like I will be potentially needy or clingy. Maybe I should be harder to obtain. I also probably should have made it more clear I'd be willing to pay for more things.
It really sucks that I seem to make simple mistakes that completely take me out of the game time and time again even though I have so much to offer, while I see women around me who do way worse things but are constantly in relationships with men who adore them. Its quite humiliating, its not fair but such is life. I'm obviously not meant to have it easy, so I gotta keep trying and figuring out what will work for me.
Anyway, my self-esteem is still bruised, I feel like a gigantic failure, but I refuse to lose hope just yet. Got my online profile spruced up, tomorrow I quit sulking and eating pizza and will go back to my workout routine. I will try every day to do things to pick myself back up and focus on what's positive in my life (since all of this has happened the stress has caused me to lose 10lbs woohoo! There's one positive thing). I just gotta try to be the best me I can be and hope that someday, someone will see and appreciate those good things as well.
OP sorry you are going through this. I think you did well by dating out of your normal pool. Some people are so superficial, the guy had thick glasses those can be traded in with a more modern style or even contacts. Big deal. He could have lost the weight. This is real life most people dont just get up looking like supermodels but with work they can get there.
Now out of curiosity how long do you take before sexing a man you are dating? I wonder if that could be the issue? Men need the kitty kat and women can use the kitty kat to control men. Food for thought. I wonder if he would have left if you were sexing him? Two hours of making out, what is that, you are not teenagers.
I wait until I am ready. I've made the mistake of giving my body to a couple of men in the past who did not deserve it because I thought it was the right thing to do to bring us closer together or whatever, but was wrong and ended up feeling hurt and used. So now I just wait until I am ready physically and emotionally.
As for this particular man, we were not dating very long. I was still getting to know him more and more every day so I was not ready to go there yet. Plus he was practically a virgin and didn't seem in a big rush either :-\
TBH, it was kinda nice to just make out, play around a little and show some affection to someone without the pressure of sex or being groped hardcore. I really liked that about him. Of course we would have gone there eventually had he not ditched me lol, but it wasn't the time yet.
OP sorry you are going through this. I think you did well by dating out of your normal pool. Some people are so superficial, the guy had thick glasses those can be traded in with a more modern style or even contacts. Big deal. He could have lost the weight. This is real life most people dont just get up looking like supermodels but with work they can get there.
Now out of curiosity how long do you take before sexing a man you are dating? I wonder if that could be the issue? Men need the kitty kat and women can use the kitty kat to control men. Food for thought. I wonder if he would have left if you were sexing him? Two hours of making out, what is that, you are not teenagers.
So your advise here is for the OP to use her body to control men?
That is seriously some very bad advise.
OP, based off of your last post, you seem to be learning from everything, and hopefully the next guy you date brings you more success with dating.
Don't try to control people.
And don't use your body like the above poster recommends.
Just be yourself, and try to make positive improvements on yourself, and treat other people well.
From there, nature typically takes its course, and if you can be a good partner to a the right person, good things can happen.
But really, some people struggle dating. At the end of the day, there are worse things than being single. Don't let that define you.
You again. I recognized you in yours avatar. You look like add little fat.
Really? I have a picture of my dog in my profile and have had that same picture up for months now. He has actually gained quite a bit of weight though but since he is a Pit Bull, that was to be expected.
Good riddance to this guy. It's one thing to tell someone things aren't working out, but to actually say he wants to check out his other options now and via a text message!? You guys agreed to be a couple, he should have at least called you. He'll probably be back when he sees he lost the best option he was going to get.
I didn't see anything in any of OP's post that made me think she's conceited or looked down on this guy. She just decided to see past looks and give someone a chance she normally wouldn't and ended up really liking him. What's wrong with that? Isn't that the advice people are always giving here? OP, I feel your pain. I think I'm a pretty decent catch and I have had some rotten luck. I'm sure some of it's my fault and some of it's just bad luck...who knows. I'm on a dating hiatus.
All my life I have dated goodlooking and average men who I had very little luck with. Now that I'm older I look for more in a mate and am able to see more than the physical meaning if I don't particularly find a man attractive off the bat, but he approaches me in a nice way, and seems to have other qualities I admire I give him a shot.
A few weeks ago I was approached by a man who is overweight, disheveled looking, thick glasses, lisp, plain in the face, not someone women would typically go for and he admitted he'd not had a girlfriend in over 10 years as women don't give him the time of day. But I liked how he talked to me and I got to know him and grew to like his personality and spending time with each other. We dated for a few weeks and he repeatedly confessed his feelings for me and I told him I liked him as well. He noted that I'm the coolest chick he ever met, great personality, he loves spending time with me, he loves our chemistry, he thinks I'm very beautiful. So we decided to be a couple.
Things went well for a few days after becoming official, nothing changed, then he just suddenly dumped me by text. Reason? Dating me gave him an ego boost. Knowing that he was able to snag me, instead of settling down with me at this point he wants to continue to play the field to see if anything better is out there. I guess all of qualities he mentioned liking weren't good enough, he feels he needs something EVEN better.
Laaame. Kinda bruises my self esteem. Its like if things with average-good looking who are decent aren't working and things with not so good looking who are decent aren't working. Where left to look? Who can I be good enough for? I feel I am a goodlooking woman, nice outgoing personality, hobbies, interests, employed, I have a life outside of partners so I'm not clingy, I'm caring and make a good mate, but its never enough.
Grrr. Guess I need a cat.
Just feeling down right now and needed to rant. Thanks for reading.
To me it seems like you figured that dating at the bottom of the barrel would be really easy for you, so you dated an ugly dude. (Why else did you say so much about his unappealing looks if not to communicate he is less than you and should be grateful to be with?) Turns out he didn't react in the way you expected... such is life. You have to improve yourself, because going uglier isn't helping.
So your advise here is for the OP to use her body to control men?
That is seriously some very bad advise.
OP, based off of your last post, you seem to be learning from everything, and hopefully the next guy you date brings you more success with dating.
Don't try to control people.
And don't use your body like the above poster recommends.
Just be yourself, and try to make positive improvements on yourself, and treat other people well.
From there, nature typically takes its course, and if you can be a good partner to a the right person, good things can happen.
But really, some people struggle dating. At the end of the day, there are worse things than being single. Don't let that define you.
Thanks
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki
Good riddance to this guy. It's one thing to tell someone things aren't working out, but to actually say he wants to check out his other options now and via a text message!? You guys agreed to be a couple, he should have at least called you. He'll probably be back when he sees he lost the best option he was going to get.
I didn't see anything in any of OP's post that made me think she's conceited or looked down on this guy. She just decided to see past looks and give someone a chance she normally wouldn't and ended up really liking him. What's wrong with that? Isn't that the advice people are always giving here? OP, I feel your pain. I think I'm a pretty decent catch and I have had some rotten luck. I'm sure some of it's my fault and some of it's just bad luck...who knows. I'm on a dating hiatus.
Thank you! Yeah I think dating really sucks in general and many people don't seem to take it seriously anymore. With social media and online dating being so popular most people feel they can just hop on the net and find an endless supply of partners at their fingertips. So theyre pickier, flakier. Its a really sucky time to find love in!
Now that I think about it my friends who are in LTRs or married met their SOs in bars, clubs, school or work. The ones who are lonely and miserable primarily date online. I primarily date online (I was home schooled in high school and half of college plus I work from home so that's been my main source of meeting new people). Maybe thats my problem!
This guy in particular admitted to having at least 5 active profiles on dating sites. I have no doubt he hopped on after several years of failure thinking his luck had improved and he could find a BBD now :/
Quote:
Originally Posted by GraciousVox
To me it seems like you figured that dating at the bottom of the barrel would be really easy for you, so you dated an ugly dude. (Why else did you say so much about his unappealing looks if not to communicate he is less than you and should be grateful to be with?) Turns out he didn't react in the way you expected... such is life. You have to improve yourself, because going uglier isn't helping.
*shrug* Think what you want. Not my job to try to convince you of my thoughts and intentions.
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. I recognized you in yours avatar. You look like add little fat.
