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The frequency (and modes) of communication is perhaps one of the most difficult concepts for me to reach a reasonable conclusion on as it pertains to the beginning stage of dating. Most often, I think this is where I lose a lot of women. I may not initiate enough, or maybe I don't think she initiates enough and so I write her off, perhaps, too quickly.
In the Beginning
To be creepy, or not to be. That is thy question. What's a normal frequency to you? Should the guy initiate or should the woman initiate more often? Should it be balanced or should the man initiate most of the communication? Is a short text asking, "Hey, how are you?" preferred, or is a phone call to have a longer, more intimate conversation preferred? Keep in mind that the demographic I'm working within is the 20s-30s folks.
The beginning of dating seems to be where I really get thrown off with how frequent and by which mode communication should be handled. Sometimes I feel like maybe I don't initiate enough. But at the same time, it's because I'm waiting to hear from them. I end up getting antsy and I end up writing people off pretty quickly if I don't think they're initiating enough. The problem is that I've dealt with people who handle this in a bunch of different ways. I've had women text me daily, some once a week. Some women would get upset or turned off if they did not hear from me at least once a day or every other day. So I can't really establish a benchmark for what is normal. At the same time, I don't want to be "that guy" whose attempts to contact become a nuisance.
What is the best way to go about this? How do you not turn someone away by being "too clingy" while keeping them interested? What expectations should you set for yourself regarding hearing from the other person?
Again, please frame your answers with regards to the 20-30s demographic and modern dating norms. As much as I appreciate tradition and the old ways of doing things, we have to accept that the times are a-changin'.
Another question I'd like to add is how significant does the communication have to be? Is a "How was your day?" each day or every other day a bit pesky? Or should I refrain from these insignificant texts and stick with communicating only when I have a date or plan I'd like to propose? And what should my reasonable expectations be from that person?
Jump in! Dont worry about being seen as clingy. If youre the type of man who loves to give attention and make your interest unambiguous, then communicate as frequent as you please, but not every minute. If the women dont like it then theyre not your type. But you dont have to be creepy or strange.
I like men who are forward and not afraid. In the beginning Id say 3-4 days a week, getting into what she does, likes and whether shes responsive. Go with what feels comfortable. Im just going by what I like, though. Im a leech for attention from love interests.
Dont overthink it. Just do what feel right. You can't go wrong with that. You HAVE to be yourself.
For me, I think I prefer to have contact at least once a day, or every other day depending on how busy either of us are. That said, I don't want to be the only one initiating contact. I would like that the lady initiate contact once in awhile, even if just to check in and see how things are going.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur
For me, I think I prefer to have contact at least once a day, or every other day depending on how busy either of us are. That said, I don't want to be the only one initiating contact. I would like that the lady initiate contact once in awhile, even if just to check in and see how things are going.
Is that too much?
There is no answer. It depends on the two people. You can't control what she does, just do your thing. There are times I have come on too strong, you know what? They let me know and I change my behavior. Sometimes it turns out we're not a fit, others we adjust and it works out. Simple. THis is not something to worry about. As long as you don't keep texting her when she doesn't respond, or don't adjust your actions when you have new info, you'll be fine.
Just dont go on about your frikkin top tier school and your frikkin salary and your frikkin career. Boring. Blow my mind.
I never bring those topics up. Ever. I'm not a conceited person and have a difficult time talking about my accomplishments in person. I only bring those up here to establish that I'm not your typical deadbeat who feels entitled to a wonderful woman.
And how many guys do you meet truly blow your mind? What kind of men are you trying to date? The top 1%? Most social interactions I observe are not that mind-blowing IMO. There might be some fun things to discuss, but unless you're dating Richard Branson or Elon Musk, I doubt most guys will have anything more exciting to tell you than about their trip to Asia or Europe. BFD!
Most of us 9-5ers live pretty average lives. I mean, I do some things I consider fun and adventurous, but I wouldn't call them mind-blowing activities.
Most guys have texted me a few times a day. Not necessarily something that required an answer, mainly jokes, or that they were thinking of me, or please explain my political affiliation in a way that they don't have to hate me....
Most of what I got was funny, or a line for me to be funny (him: I thought of you while applying a tourniquet today. Is that wrong? Me: Are you implying that I am bleeding you dry?). Just banter.
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I never bring those topics up. Ever. I'm not a conceited person and have a difficult time talking about my accomplishments in person. I only bring those up here to establish that I'm not your typical deadbeat who feels entitled to a wonderful woman.
And how many guys do you meet truly blow your mind? What kind of men are you trying to date? The top 1%? Most social interactions I observe are not that mind-blowing IMO. There might be some fun things to discuss, but unless you're dating Richard Branson or Elon Musk, I doubt most guys will have anything more exciting to tell you than about their trip to Asia or Europe. BFD!
Most of us 9-5ers live pretty average lives. I mean, I do some things I consider fun and adventurous, but I wouldn't call them mind-blowing activities.
You wouldnt but perhaps someone else would. I know one guy who impressed me merely with his completely non judgmental and caring behavior towards me. His mere presence was very comforting because he didnt make me feel like I needed to perform circus tricks to prove I was a valuable person to him. Thats rare, so it blew my mind. The little things about a mans character mean so much. Remembering all my likes and dislikes, dates that are important to me, never leaving me to boil alone when he senses Im frustrated or feeling down, making thoughtful gifts - literally with his hands and some tools in a garage - instead of just buying something. Always being responsive and reliable, letting me know that he was thinking of something that concerns me. And then able to talk and share with me his goals and day to day life, his ideas on anything I ask without reservations, just honesty. Ya' know?
The superficial stuff doesn't impress me at all because I dont benefit emotionally from it, and a romantic relationship should stir the emotions and create passion. So blow my mind - her, their, whatever - with merely who you really are. You dont need to be Richard Branson.
Last edited by Yiuppy; 01-06-2015 at 09:39 PM..
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