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Old 09-02-2013, 10:25 PM
 
6,732 posts, read 9,996,977 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post
i almost said the same thing back, so she didnt feel awkward, but i didnt mean it,,so i said what popped into my mind,,it was only the 4th or 5th date,
and yes, i should have had a better response,
Is a good thing you didn't do that .

Quote:
i never thought it was possible for someone to be in love in such a short amount of time- i was young and foolish
What do you think now?
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Old 09-02-2013, 10:32 PM
 
Location: Southern Illinois
10,363 posts, read 20,801,723 times
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Cali, just curious. How long have you two been going out? I faced the same situation with the last man I dated and it was not a positive experience after all as it turned out that he was very needy and I suspect very strongly now that he has borderline PD and yeah, he was saying it within 2 months and I thought it was waaay too soon but wasn't quite ready to walk away just yet. I just told him that I was not in love yet but headed in the "right" direction, which was true at the time but he still kept saying it even when I asked him not to, and asked me to marry him after 8 months of dating but looking back I'd have been crazy to marry him and it all blew up into a disaster. Yours might be different though. OTOH I have a couple of friends who fell in love and got married within 2 months of meeting so some people really do fall in love that quickly but I know I'm not one of them. They are still together 4 years later.
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Old 09-02-2013, 10:55 PM
 
Location: La lune et les étoiles
18,258 posts, read 22,535,626 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
Cali, just curious. How long have you two been going out? I faced the same situation with the last man I dated and it was not a positive experience after all as it turned out that he was very needy and I suspect very strongly now that he has borderline PD and yeah, he was saying it within 2 months and I thought it was waaay too soon but wasn't quite ready to walk away just yet. I just told him that I was not in love yet but headed in the "right" direction, which was true at the time but he still kept saying it even when I asked him not to, and asked me to marry him after 8 months of dating but looking back I'd have been crazy to marry him and it all blew up into a disaster. Yours might be different though. OTOH I have a couple of friends who fell in love and got married within 2 months of meeting so some people really do fall in love that quickly but I know I'm not one of them. They are still together 4 years later.
About a month and a half but not seriously or exclusively (on my part....not sure about him and I'm actually afraid to ask at this point). My instincts are actually telling me to back away from this guy.
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Old 09-02-2013, 11:07 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
67,650 posts, read 60,944,294 times
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I've had that happen a couple of times in my life and both times I said something along the lines of, "Well, let's see if you still feel that way a month from now!" with a mischievous smile and then I kissed them quickly and tried to turn an awkward moment into a playful moment. Both times it was only slightly successful. I didn't date either person for very long afterwards, either. Ugh, awkward!

I don't think there's a really good comeback in that situation. If there is, I haven't heard it yet. And besides that, such a scenario always makes me feel alarmed, taken aback, and embarrassed, and whatever clever thing I may have thought I might say is suddenly just gone from my head.

Cali, I think your instincts are probably right with this guy, based on what you've shared.
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Old 09-02-2013, 11:09 PM
 
Location: Southern Illinois
10,363 posts, read 20,801,723 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calipoppy View Post
About a month and a half but not seriously or exclusively (on my part....not sure about him and I'm actually afraid to ask at this point). My instincts are actually telling me to back away from this guy.
Yeah, google borderline pd. they feel a strong need to bond with a new lover right away and mine, the one who swore undying love and asked me to marry him had his OL profile back up the very next day after I broke up with him. Something just never did feel right and I should have listened to my instincts so I'm glad you're listening to yours.
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Old 09-03-2013, 01:02 AM
 
Location: USA
31,061 posts, read 22,086,243 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calipoppy View Post
How do you handle the situation where person who says "I love you" when you haven't reached that point in the relationship and are not sure if you ever will? But you also are not ready to break-up with him yet.
I have run into this quite often in my dating past, and theres no easy way to back away from the situation. Your in the dating and feel out stage, and their ready to start a life with you. I either say absolutely nothing or say "isnt it a little premature for that?".
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Old 09-03-2013, 04:00 AM
Status: "119 N/A" (set 25 days ago)
 
12,964 posts, read 13,679,366 times
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I think it depends on the dynamics of the relationship, that is who initiated the relationship or how you met. If a person who was pursuing me told me they loved me I wouldn't feel like I was supposed to love them back because that person seems to always falls in love first.IMO It’s hard to know why someone loves you or why they say they love you. Some people feel vulnerable when they say it others may want to take command of a relationship. A mature person will know that it is not something that has to happen simultaneously. In my experience sometimes a nice kiss will take the persons mind off the future and put them back in the moment.
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Old 09-04-2013, 12:45 PM
 
1,454 posts, read 2,167,089 times
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I got a basic rule toward the ''I love you''. Even if I were to feel it first, I would never be the first one to say it. I'd rather wait for the man to say it. I guess I'm too much of a coward to risk opening myself like that without being sure he feels the same. Sorry if I'm making it hard for the guy but I feel they can better in handling this when the girl doesn't feel the same than vice-versa.

PS: I don't like dealing with any type of rejection. Not being told ''I love you too'' if I were woman enough to say it first would really suck. It would then be too late to take it back.

With my ex bf, he said it first and I felt the same the following month, which I said it back.
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Old 09-05-2013, 03:08 AM
 
Location: New Albany, IN
830 posts, read 1,666,725 times
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Default Love, the four-letter word

"Love" is like a four-letter word, or worse. Why are people scared of it? It's so easy to say "I love this song" or "I love this ice cream" ... Then you say "I love you" to a person and it's like .

Anyway my advice is like the others, if you don't feel it you don't have to say it, but do thank him and let him know you appreciate his affection. Don't discount his feelings by saying stuff like "we don't know each other enough" and etc. His feelings may have developed as such even if yours haven't.
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Old 09-05-2013, 03:26 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,960 posts, read 17,345,504 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calipoppy View Post
How do you handle the situation where person who says "I love you" when you haven't reached that point in the relationship and are not sure if you ever will? But you also are not ready to break-up with him yet.
Sounds like a fwb situation that's soon to end

But I'd say "I like you, too"; hear the response (if any) then address it accordingly.
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